Sudarshana Homam.

 Attended Sudarshana Homam in Bangalore.It was conducted by the owner of a house  who was highly relived and thankful that his tenants who refused to vacate the premises several years after the tenancy agreement was over .had finally quit it after a long legal battle .He wanted to occupy the said premises hence he performed Sudarshana homam before doing so.

A huge square was made in the drawing room with bricks stacked one over the other It had a thick layer of sand at its bottom that covered the tiled floor.These bricks were decorated with small lines of  kumkum and turmeric powder.

I was taken aback by the size of the homa kund.I have seen only seen small portable cement bowl being used in here at Chennai in all  functions for homams ,whether big or small. ranging from marriages conducted in huge halls  to Davasams performed at homes,like we have at home[the annual homam propitiating pitrus via deceased anscestors].

I was even more surprised to see huge logs instead of the usual small twigs stacked in a corner.The Agni viz the fire would be a roaring one .! 

This was the first time that i was attending a Sudarshana Homam.

A tastefully drawn Rangoli in myraid of colours depicting the Sudarshana Chakra the powerful weapon of Vishnu/Narayana occupied a fair share of the dining room .It faced the inset puja room.An attendee commented that it looked like the map of India.Yes from a certain angle it did look like one!

Soon the whole house was over run by  Saivaite brahmin priests getting ready to perform the Homam.There wasn't even a single Sri Vaishnavaite brahmin priest though the homam was conducted by Sri Vaishnaviate owner for his daughter and son in law .a young Sri Vaishnavaite couple.!

The couple were asked to sit before the huge kund and a Brahmin Siva acharya sat by their side.They sat thus for 3 hours !I thought that since Smartha or Saivaite Brahmins are very thorough in Shastras and Vedas and Vedic rituals they were really were going the full hog .But others who have attended this homam earlier said that it does take 3 hours,irrespective of any Brahmin of any sect  presiding over  it.!

First the woman was asked to do archana of a small Ganesh idol placed at front of her near the homa kund with flowers so as to commence and conduct the homa without any obstacles.

Then the acharya chanted mantras that were aimed at driving wicked thoughts  evil spirits and disease that could be pervading the house.He chanted the mantras so lucidly that though i haven't learnt Sanskrit I could understand it.

He then asked 2 elderly married women who are not widows to drop the lit camphor burning brightly on the brick wall of the homa and not directly into it .I was asked to do it along with another woman.Unlike other homas where women directly drop the burning camphor into the kund and ignite the twigs here another priest pushed the camphor into the kund .and the mega homam commenced .

The husband was asked to repeat  the mantras recited by the head priest, on and off .His main ritual was to pour ghee into the kund.and to keep the fire alive.The acharya and all other priests chanted mantras in unison in loud voice non stop for nearly two and a half hours .Remarkable  memory and energy.None of them fumbled .

The head priest then invoked each of the  Nava Grahas like Surya etc requesting them to shower the couple and the house with auspiciousness.

Then he invoked Sudarshana by first praising him with innumerable Mantras from Vedas and then requesting him to drive away all beings inimical to the well being of the couple and the house .He sought this powerful weapon of Vishnu's to constantly protect the couple and the house.The Agni leapt .high!

Then some cooked rice was fed to the raging Agni .There was hardly any smoke !

The head priest took a small break to tell us few stories from Mahabharat relating to Sri Krishna and his weapon 'the Sudarshana Chakra.He spoke in Kannnada and requested that it be translated to those who didn't understand that language.Barring me and two others every one in that room knew Kannada as they were all born and bred there.

But I  could understand easily .First I knew all those stories.Second Kannada is similar to Tamil.Third he was telling it slowly and clearly.Finally in my distant distant past i had learnt Kannada in a primary school in Mysore as it was a compulsory then to learn it by all.

After completion of chanting Mantras a gong was struck repeatedly, hand held bells were chimed whilst the the husband showed camphor Arti to the Homam and then to the pictures of  deities in the puja room.with all of us standing with palms joined together in supplication .

The striking of the gong and chiming of the bells  amidst the aromatic flames leaping to the ceiling and the Aarti created a terrific effect and the atmosphere became electric with cosmic vibrations.

The Agni kindled in that homa kund would take two full days to cool!

And then i finally heard all the priests and the couple chant Narayana several times and then the Homam ended. Hearing  the  mantra Narayanaya  was nectarine.I felt deeply satisfied with my whole being suffused with delight . This was the desert , the icing .A delicious one.

Moments of humour through out the Homam  was the insistence of a elderly Iyengar woman.She asked the Acharya to recite Sudarshana ashtakam of Desikan or allow her to recite it .The head priest ignored her requests and went on with rituals and Vedic recitals.She sat at his front glowering at him with her big eyes smouldering like the Agni in the Kund  through out the 3 hours ritual.

It is the norm to start all homas in Sri Vaishnavaite-vadagalai sect functions to first pay homage to Swamy Desikan our Acharya, by chanting few Sanskrit slokas praising him.But this was  a  out and out  Saivaite show and the owner himself had organised thus , so how can one expect the contrary?So i found her insistence out of place and funny .

This Sudarshana Ashtakam are eight sanskrit slokas on Sudarshana Chakra written by Swamy Desikan  750 years back which is recited in Sri Vaishnavaite [Vadagalai] house holds by men and women to ward of disease and enemies.

According to some elders it was written by Desikan to  cure villagers near Kanchipurum of the mysterious disease stalking them and on invoking the Sudarshana Chakra they were cured of thier disease,Few other elders are of the view that Swamy Desikan invoked the Sudarshana Chakra with these slokas to help him to win a philosophical debate with Advaitins in Thituheendrapurum.[TN] and he won and established the primacy of VisishtaDwaita philosophy.

Most Iyengars recite this sloka and several others without knowing thier meanings and the context at which it was written .Hence her insistence and persistence to make that Siva acharya  to recite it  or allow her to recite it during the homam amused me .

Finally when the homam was formally concluded the head priest acceded to her request and she chanted the Astakam loudly to her hearts content along with us and few others.

Method has intensified and topics have changed.

 The change in Govt here at TN in May has brought the following changes---

1.Before my forhead was bombarded with thoughts of minorities and how they have short changed me .like attempting to convert me At one time I would get angry at one community and the next at the other.

Now my forhead is bombarded with suggestions ridiculing Modi and is stuffed with anti centre thoughts.

2.Before when i was doing puja names of gods of the two Abrahamic religions would be flitted into my forehead  .

Now some one is virtually having a conversation with me on news topic interrupting my recitation of slokas and meditations even during puja and stops only when i show aarti.

The topics have changed but method is same .It is so intense that it makes me to write on and on.

The second wave.

 When the news channels beamed the news that CM of Mahrashtra rang up the PM for supply of Oxygen and that latter was unavailable owing to his poling campaign in Benagal i thought that the CM was playing politics .The pandemic was over ,he and his alliance didnot want BJP to win Bengal hence it was a gimmic  

 fora week or so I had this view.but when I saw line of ambulances and people gasping for air and their relatives queuing for oxygen cylinders in Mumbai and Delhi I sat up.

The Govt assured that the PM though on tour was also handling the country.I accepted it.

Even here the election campaign was in full swing with huge crowds .They even gathered in large numbers maskless ,under my window shoving each other in their eagerness to greet the present CM who drove down slowly amongst them in a open van, late at night.They also gathered in large numbers to greet other candidates from other political parties.and listen to their promises .Election campaigns were  going on merrily as ever .Every thing seemed normal.TV beamed the large crowds attending the election rallies here and in various parts of India.A usual phenomenon.

I thought that it was short lived wave.Spurt and splutter down in few days time.But TV 's kept showing the desperation of families searching for oxygen, medicines beds etc.That was real .Something serious was taking place.

High courts after high courts passed strictures on the various state govts.policies and suggested and ordered remedial measures. .It was unusual since policy making is not Courts domain .Were they unnecessarily intruding into executive powers.My husband was livid at their interference.

The channels also showed PM addressing large crowds in lakhs in Bengal whilst experts were asking people to maintain social distance and wear masks.The relatives of afflicted patients were running hither and thither in absolute panic and anxiety.

That was when the image I had of PM being a man for Crisis broke.Yes it is the responsibility of state govts to handle the situation in thier states but it was very uncharecteristic of the PM who is known to tackle calamities quickly , and was always at the helm , to be engrossed in the game of power.

Was winning Bengal more important than tackling the virus re-stalking the country in a deadly manner?

At one point i even thought that the Chinese were spraying the new deadly variant from settelites or their representatives  the naxals were doing it on the ground to stop PM's winning streak.

What ever his adress to the nation  at that juncture was also not inspiring.He reffered to Bala mitras .Who are they/Instead of assuring the nation that arrangements about the supply of oxygen that was being done through special trains and about the import of the much needed concentrators [which was also being done] he was talking off tangent.I was very disappointed .

I felt that his image 'India First' was dented.Even my hub his sworn loyalist agreed for a split second with my view but quickly amended that his leader was like Valli who would turn any bad attacks on him to good and would emerge stronger.Just wait and see.

Then the centre allowed states and private companies to procure vaccine as the clamour for vaccine grew ,spear headed by opposition parties.Strange .The main opposition party  had earlier derided the Indian made vaccines as unscientific contributing to vaccine hesitancy  and now they were clamouring for more and for all !

I wanted privitasion of procurement of vaccines from the very begginning.but after i got both my doses in March itself  i lost interest in vaccination.But papers kept it alive warning or recurrence of the virus which could also attack the vaccinated unless 70 % of population is vaccinated and India gets herd immunity.

Then the tamasha rolled on that was to blacken all the faces clamouring for it including mine.No company  honoured the tenders floated world wide by State govts.The multi national companies were only willing to negotiate with the Indian govt.Meanwhile the Serum Institute head escaped to England fearing for his life .Vaccine had become dearer than gold.

That was the time that is when Foreign companies refused to strike deals with the states or private companies that the majesty and power and respect the Govt of India as against that of state Govts came to fore.

Earlier on the Covid head tried to explain that there was great demand for vaccines all over the world and there fore they were going step by step .No one paid heed to that soft spoken man Some .people weven thought that  bueracrats  known for their slow pace of work and some even known for corruption had thrown the hammer and brought about this scarcity and slow pace of vaccination.

Why was there such a clamour for vaccine in May whilst there was so much hesitancy to take it when it was first introduced in January ?The horrible pictures of asphixiation terrorised even the calm , cool and this will also pass hesitant group to rush to get vaccinated.  .To gasp for air which we take for granted is horrible .                                                                                                                                          The national TVshowed only Mumbai and Delhi and skipped showing Tamilnadu and other cities.The local TV's showed long line of ambulances waiting outside hospitals and people waiting in q for hours to get medicines for their relatives . 

One of the local Tamil TV channel showed a boy of 8-10 yrs of age ,shirtless and in knickers returning from a errand and on hearing the wail of ambulance to move his body flexibly synchronising with the ups and down notes of the ambulance siren .It was funny because he did it so well .He must have heard several such sirens to perfect that dance.

PM's next address to the nation in June was good  .He conveyed the message that he was taking control of things viz vaccination programme and that he was back at the helm.

My husband whistled and clapped his hands .and said 'You lutyens and [ i at times appear as  lutyyens and Congress  (though i am not a member of that party or any party )he dislikes] don't know my leader '.

.He works 24 hours a day silently.He never gets provoked by your toxic barbs.He is a Rishi He is a Swamy.If people reject him he will tie his clothes into a small bundle and retreat to Himalayas quietly without any fanfare  and spend the rest of his life in meditation.

.On yoga day-June 21  when it was launched the record 90 lakhs jabs took my breath away.It could be a flash in the fan , BJp states working hard to lift  their image.But following days the average was 50 lakhs per day .This is no mean job.

With the hope of this rate of vaccination continuing we may soon get herd immunity that will check  and banish this asura , devil ,demon and creep from China, from India forever.

State elections security.

 In the run upto the State elections in April 2021i shopped for Vegeatbles in my usual shop and was returning home taking the inner roads that winds around  a 3 star hotel .Opposite to this hotel is a community hall where people from hosing tenements conduct marriages and other functions.

It was also the place where a lot of migrants were locked up in nation wide lockdown.

In its parking lot I saw alot of men standing in rows .A man was whistling and shouting Left right etc and all the men obeyed him .I thought that they were the security guards of that hotel doing their drill.When I went to buy Butter milk as it was getting hotter and hotter from a milk parlour right next to that hall the sales man told me that all those men were from CRPF and they were here for poll duty .

I had a closer look .Most were light skinned men, must be North Indians  slightly plump with paunches and very homely looking.I came home and told husband  about this and observed  that may be CRPF kept thier best men for naxal operations and sent the older and less fitter ones for poll duty.

A day or two later I visited that parlour .The sales man a retired banker said that all the butter milk was sold out as the CRPF men were guzzling them in pints and described the manner in which a man made huge chappat'is daily in the morning patting them with his hands and the men dipped them in the butter milk and ate them and added humourosly 'These men eat like 'Vandi karan' ie like Cart pullers ie those who do hard physical labour, who would make huge mound of rice pour a little sambhar  or butter milk in it  and then finish of that huge mound in no time.That sales man asked do you know about 'vandikaran' I  smiled  and said ofcourse  my parents have used this phrase often to scold us  when we ate just one course in  big mounds of rice hastily.

He further said that he went far and wide in search  of the buttermilk which these men wanted and that he charged just 0ne rupee extra .

Then he started talking about Srinivasar 's umbrella that is sent from Chennai to Tirumala each year during Bramhotsava festival in there.He kept giving details embellishing it with a lot of stories from past .that included miracles .I wanted to leave after sometime but he held me on with his talks.It wasn't very interesting but I didn't want to appear rude so I kept standing and listening .

Looked around and saw a Muslim youth in white and white and cap sitting on motorbike at the turning .He was staring at his smart phone .Alarm bells rang.Was he innocent or was he dangerous to me ?But still i kept hearing to this salesman who had become suddenly very garrulous.Then two men from CRPF camp in civils walked into the  small shop blocking the entrance.

The one in the front was young ,dark and had a leathery skin.He was asking for butter milk .Something in his face  was very arresting.He looked extremely fit .He also looked fierce.He didn't look at me but his partner a older light skinned man kept staring at me curiously.OK this is what pairs /partners in my presence do .One will talk and other would stare at me.

The sales man said' No buttermilk".I saw a packet of lassi or curds on the rack and I told the salesman about it who offered it to that CRPF chap.Who took it and paid for it by taking a wallet from his pocket .

The sales man asked for a rupee more .I felt somehow, some thing in that youth despite his fierceness moved me and  i was very tempted to fish for it in my purse as i carry a lot of changes and was even tempted to pay for the curds but held back , that man was drawing a salary and he wouldn't like it if i did so. 

They left soon .The sales man said' Had you not pointed out the curds I would have sold it to you.'

I said' Oh no it is fine .I have plenty of curds at home, i buy buttermilk just for  its  taste .These men are up from North away from their homes ,quartered in this hall in this searing heat .Give them first .You did the right thing.'

Came back thinking about that dark youth with leathery face'.Was he a tribal?How would his mother look? Just then i saw a dark woman clad in village style sari .A rarity these days .Maybe like her?

Then i thought was this enacted for me That is showing me that fierce looking very fit CRPF youth for having made fun of their age and  paunches earlier on ?Or showed  me a sample of the young CRPF  men who were engaging naxals in forests and fighting them?Maybe..Or did they come down to block off that Muslim youth from me.Maybe .I have several times in past years seen bulky men or women come straight in front off me seemingly offensive and when i move to the side I would see men mostly youth behind some distance away look at their cell in surprise like as if it was cut abruptly and would go away with either a angry or disappointed look.Or did they just come down for some butter milk?As simple as that?

When i came out I didnt see that Muslim youth.He had left.

What ever that young man impressed me greatly and thought would the nighbourhood rowdies and anti social elements crawl under their beds in fear of on seeing him?Most likely .Even Naxals would. 

 i thought why should that salesman charge one Re extra? Maybe that would be his motivation to search far and wide for those bottles of thirst quenching buttermilk  .

Our polling station was near that centre. A lone CRPF man stood on the main road .There were onl;y police men and women inside the polling station

That fierce looking man with a very calm manner , two contrasting qualities  that was very appealing in that dark CRPF man was nowhere around .

Maybe that man with nerves of steel  was posted in a more sensitive area..

 

 

.

Scheduled caste the burden on my shoulders.

 The scheduled castes from lower strata often abused me .This is since childhood in here at Chennai.It reached its peak after 2012 .They did it in Blind school where I went to help and then on the roads and shops .The recent converts to Christianity were also very abusive.

Since I always had this pity towards them I ignored their hostile barbs and never took it to heart.With my fair complexion and handloom sarees it is easy to spot me as  a Brahmin.I' ll stick out in any crowd over here .I had discussion with  a scheduled  caste youth who was pouring his ire on Brahmins .I told him  in which Era are you in Is it Brahmins who attack you all in villages down south .Isn't it the non brahmins who are doing it . Are there any Brahmins left in villages these days ?Most of them have migrated to cities or abroad . He was'nt convinced .He said Brahmins would instigate and non brahmins would do the physical assault.I wasn't convinced .He was attacking Brahmins and not his actual aggressors since he was sacred to attack non brahmins. Brahmins are the whipping boys .There will be no retaliation from them how much ever they are castigated or abused.But it is not the case as far as non brahmins are concerned .They will give it back.

But there were highly educated Scheduled castes who were affluent who would seek out our company and treat us very well .They were proud of our friendship.But those at the bottom are extremely abusive.

Whilst some  Non Brahmins including my friends at school etc would sneer at me for being a Brahmin They were hostile but not abusive .They did not harbour the hatred that SC's had towards me.

I kept understanding their ire at us as my anscestors long back[centuries] have treated them shabbily for centuries and made them outcasts.They did not belong to the Hindu fold .They never had a caste hence were always treated as aliens. They are the fifth caste and so on .

Then i read some where that as per Shastras the Hindu fold or Sanatana Dharma recognises only four castse and they viz Sc's belonged to the fourth caste viz Sudras.This outlook  was novel to me and I didnot believe it.I always thought they had no caste and therefore not entitled to follow Hindu practises.

Won't the Sudras be offended by this new theory?Won't they protest violently at such a concept for clubbing SC's in their fold?

Then i googled for more information on SC's and came upon Wikepedia.In it it was written that Mahatma Ghandhi always considered SC's as part of Sanatana Dharama since they belonged to the fourth caste viz Sudras! If Ghandhi said they belonged to the 4 th caste then I who have great respect for the Mahatma have to believe it and I did.That relieved me and lifted the burden of guilt I was carrying for decades -nearly 50 years!

So why should I go on pitying those who are part of Hindu fold?viz Sudras  some of whom who have been kept at a distance in the past owing to their dirty and unhygenic proffesion.

If Ghandhi  says they are within caste then he is right and i will follow it.This happened during lockdown .So nearly after 50 years of guilt towards SC's ,a constant burden on my shoulders I shed it and felt free.

Tackling.

 During Lockdown i decided to start doing Yoga .To refresh my memory i looked up videos on Yoga in U tube and found Baba Ramdev's to be most authentic.from amongst the numerous Yoga teachers.

I had learnt Yoga in my late teens in a ashram in Delhi run by Dhirendra Bramhachari .I had perfected it to such a extent that I could float easily on my back in the swimming pool in Matsya asana posture. It is said that one could float on one's if one knew Matsya asana .I tried it and found it to be true.But over the years  my yoga practise reduced and after 2012 i totally dropped doing Yoga .Now with no outings and no blogging or writing i had plenty of time to think about myself and wanted to re start Yoga.

I refreshed many asanas from Baba's videos..After initial pain and a broken toe nail i became ok. To my surprise I found out that i still can do Surya Namaskar!There is a good video on it in Rajya sabha TV.Very instructive and useful.Now I do asanas, Surya namaskar and Pranayama regularily.

That Baba is really good at it .He enjoys doing it and is full of wit.During the second wave he showed the power of Yoga by getting his oxygen level slowly to 40  and showed it on  the oxymeter he used and then regained it and then  laughed and said what is this fear about drop in oxygen level see how one can control it by Yoga .I have heard that famous Hata yoga practitioners of past like BKS Iyengar could control and even stop their heart beats for few minutes .But at that time gadjets like oxymeter wasnot there to prove it nor live telecasts.Baba proved it using modern technology.He showed that he is a terific practitioner,. He also proved scientifically the benifits of practising Yoga. and that unbelievable claims made by sincere practitioners of Yoga is  not a myth.

On veiwing Ram dev Baba's videos I came across a video that said that some Muslim outfits had issued a fatwa banning  Muslims from buying Patanjali products which he endorses because they contain cow' dung and urine to which he replied that only very few products of his has such cows waste.I immediately looked up his products and found that his shampoo , tooth paste and soap were very popular .and they were making multi nationals in home products jittery.

On the way to the shop i purchase vegetables there is a shop selling Patanjali products with Baba's huge poster.It has been there for nearly a decade but i never went in because having used multinational tooth paste etc for decades I was wary of changing over to Ayurvedic products fearing allergy.

But when i read that Muslims are not allowed to buy his products I decided to shop  for personal needs .I was and am desperate to get rid of Muslims casing me , stalking me and watching me in my house.There are many others also casing me but I was going by elimination method .If babas products deter them then to baba's shop i will go .Then I looked up in net as to what repulses Muslims .one said colour red another display of hair.So I fished out all my red saris to be worn in my walks and outings and mental note to buy more Red saris blouses etc once curfew was lifted.

So I went to Baba's shop hoping that my very entry into the premises would repulse Muslims watching and  casing me . I donot know as to why they do it.Is it to influence me .I realised that they were stalking and casing me only after 2014 when my i  was deliberately made aware of .Till then I thought they were the normal pedestrians . In 2015 my suspicion regarding them was confirmed when I was walking to a hotel In Bangalore and a youth in white pyjama and white cap proclaiming his Muslim identity came walking towards me jauntily and did a swift Uturn and disapeared from my sight on seeing my key chain with Srinivasars tiny idol i was carrying for protection .I was wearing a sari and a big kumkum on my forehead and yet I donot appear like  Hindu woman ?This is what puzzles me .Are casers /youth brain washed to confuse me with his female relatives who must be wearing burkha head scarf etc and i do not .Only on seeing a idol on me that  they run and hide .That revulsion shown to the idol i carry  shows that they are having some ulterior motive towards me.They are not ordinary muslims and it was these  that I wanted to eliminate from my life.

So as earlly as 2015 I also bought a gold ring with Srinivasars  idol embossed in it and always wear it on my finger at home and also when i go out for protection.I also wear a gold ring with Mahalakshmi idol. Wearing Venkateswara ring is nothing new . i used to wear it in my childhood. I find it painful to dangle my key chain since the iron in it is used to give me pain in my knees and abdomen and so i only wear my ring.

 I wanted to try this latest ruse.So i entered the shop .I bought tooth paste ,soap ,shampoo , dish washing soap and agarbathi  .He has  soaps made of Panchgavya which is displayed separately and the phenyl made of cow urine kept in the back .I didnot buy them.Few days back i was surprised to see that TTD would hereafter make various  personal care products using Panchgavya viz five products of cow like ghee, milk, dung, urine etc and sell it in its counters across India ! So Baba has competition now.

I started using them .I like the paste with its taste of cloves. I didnot develop any allergy am still using them.I hoped that Muslim peeping Toms would get revolted and get lost.

I debated for long whether I should buy Cow urine phenyl .I heard that in earlier days people would run with buckets when they see a cow urinate to collect it and use it .One day i bought it .It had smell of urine which I didnot like but I wanted to get rid my hostile 24 hour s/7 stalkers so i took it down and sprayed it on my parking lot hoping that Muslims and Christian stalking would see it and become revolted .It got over in a month and I didnt have the stomach rather the nose to buy it again.

Then i tried my all red outfit and pony tail .I have long hair .One day when i was in this all red outfit  sari ,blouse ,and red coral chain a month or so back ,waiting in line to buy vegetables a couple came .The woman was in burkha and the man accompanying her her husband was wearing Red shirt and black pant .They stood next to me and were chatting making the point that red colour doesnot deter Muslims.They seemed normal so i didnt mind being near them then when i lifted my hand to smooth my flying hairs and adjust my sari that man in red made a quick get away.He had seen my gold ring with Srinivasar.So he was not innocent as he seemed .That woman in burkha stayed on . I didnot see that man again.

It puzzles as to why they expect a  woman like me a Hindu will not wear idols on me or pray before idols It is the most natural thing for me to do .What have they been brainwashed with?What do they think of me as ?A Muslim? Or a Christian?Some Christian women dress just like Hindus with sticker bindi on their forehead .Maybe some even use kumkum.or do they think that I have been absorbed into thier community or do they think that I have been converted to Christianity?Or are they just crazy?I have also seen poor Christian women who come near me in shops make a quick escape on seeing my ring.What is the notion about my religious identity ? What is going on?  it is constant casing.

                                                So red colour and pony tail is  not as effective as my ring and keychain with idols.

Then i tried my next astra both Muslims and Christians are allergic to cow excretions so why not rever t back to my early days of marriage when my m.i.l would ask us to mix dried cowdung powder in water and   sprinkle it  steps and  entrance before drawing Kolam?And also use it to clean table after eating.At first soon after marriage  i baulked then i slowly got used it and can handle it without any hesitation.

So during Lock down relaxation I went to nearby market in search of cowdung cake .The man selling it looked at me strangely .Now a days people even maids have started to use haldi to clean their entrances before drawing kolam.I brought it home and pounded it to fine dust and filled a transparent plastic bottle with it and placed it in my kitchen.

The first I do in the morning after coffee is to take several pinches of this holy dung and kneaded it gently and lovingly between my index and thumb and then mix it with water under overhead lights hoping Muslims and Christians viewing me would get revolted.I ll deliberately prolong this holy work .And then i ll sprinkle it on my entrance and at balcony near my kitchen and then draw kolam.with rice flour..

Then after having lunch i ll take a pinch of this  powder used as a sanitiser by our anscestors  and clean my table .I do all this very happily enjoying the discomfit it would surely cause those people peeping into my house.This may not revolt Hindus but   at least i can eliminate two others at least for few minutes and get the pleasure of revolting them.

 

 

Perverts in action --

There  is a elderly Iyengar couple roughly our age  right in front of my flat.I can see into their balcony and they can see into my balcony and dining room.

The man is fair, dressed in yellow dhothi, bare chested with punal and always looks slovenly and never looks bright.His wife is pencil thin, with huge bulging eyes , dark and with high pitched screeching voice.

This man will come out and stand quietly looking at the street[brought out]when ever A Muslim in white cap or lungi or in pant shirt passes by on the road and then trudge in .In the evenings from 4.30 pm onwards he will sit in his balcony gazing ahead .He will rarely ever look. at me.Some times he will glare at me which is also rare.This is going on since 2014.

The woman will come out only to glare at me.She will  come out [brought out ] when i sit near the dining table to roll cotton for wick for the oil lamp used in puja  or whist filling kumkum in its containers or when i sit cutting camphor into two to be lit in aarti at puja times..Her glare would be so intense that i will look up and see her glowering at me with hatred like as if I am doing something which I shouldn't be doing.Though I  am doing what she would be doing in her house.

 

Their balcony door would be opened  around 6.45AM when my husband wakes up and then closed at 6.45 PM.12 hours of duty.In 2014 that mild looking man would be sitting whole day on the balcony.After few years they have  this 12 hours routine.Are they brought out or are they paid to do this?Maybe both.They seem to be of poor means since they are  living in their son in law's flat .They must be aware of what they are called to do even if instantly since that woman's hostility towards me is real .It is abnormal as i have never offended her in any way and she is not the type to read my blogs..Her hatred vibrates through the intervening space between us.

She is a iyengar brahmin woman and not a Christian or Muslim woman to show her displeasure at my activities relating to puja!

But the perverts have made her the representative of Evangelists or Jihadists substituting her in either a Muslim or Christian woman's shoes.

She was so hostile for years that I couldn't smile or  converse with her.

 

So when ever i see this Iyengar couple I am supposed to feel that I am in vicinity of hostile Muslims  or Christians.and over the years with this repititive actions and glares I also started feeling thus.

Now after change in govt here at T.Nadu she has slightly mellowed but beats a hasty retreat on seeing me and never meets my eyes.

Sathabhishekam.

 In mid March attended 80 th birthday celeberations that consists of Vedic chanting and homam of our relative. Since I had my first dose of vaccination I took part in it happily.                                                       It went off well. The elderly man bearing the rigours of chanting vedas seated on the ground and pouring ghee into the Agni kund for more than a hour,.He is  quite fit for his age..

One of their relative a Gynocologist  by profession sat grimly with ablack face mask 

Most of us had removed it .Most of us there were vaccinated .She kept glaring at us and ordered me to wear my mask.I said I am vaccinated .She continued You must wear it for my sake and old mother and Aunt's sake so that they will not catch the virus.

I asked her Didn't you get vaccinated?She said .No There is no data and I can't take the risk and i also have forbidden my mother and aunt from taking it.

Crazy woman.She will not get jabbed although she is a practising doctor and also prevent her older relatives from getting vaccinated but expects the rest of us to mask up for her sake Obtuse and mad people abound.

 On the other side ,a very old couple in thier 90's who are also relatives, who are not very educated have taken the jab.They had no hesitancy .They felt it was for their safety.

A woman relative who has married a Muslim had also come to attend the function.she and her teenage daughters took part in all the rituals including pouring the water sanctified by vedas on the couples head by holding the perforated siver plate along with other traditional Brahmins.Those brahmins didnt know about her conversion but the relative conducting the Sathabishekam know it and encourage her to take part in all rituals.She was stomping up and down the stage where homam was performed.She readily complies hankering for recognition and role in a community she had scorned in her youth placing Love and passion above our society[brahmin]and  converted to Islam adapted the ways of that community including cooking and eating non veg etc and i  lived meekly though a harrindan by nature with her husband and his family.I advised her to go for marriage underSpecial marriages act and avoid conversion when she came over for legal advise regarding name change . .But conversion was the condition laid by her m-i-l to marry her son .She told rudely at my advise i donot care for religion only for love! Her name was changed at the proper conversion ceremony before her nikkah.She even cited her lover [then] language viz Tamil as  a good ground and excuse to marry him'.He is not Urdu but Tamil'and cited it  as a good criteria for her marriage!Implying that having same mother tongue will over ride differences between the two religions!

Now at mid life she wants to take part in our social and religious functions though she is a Muslim, and lives off her muslim husband's livings.It is only one or two families from our large  circle of relatives who indulge her craving to take part in rituals.Others do not .Those who invite her make it clear that  she can attend our functions as an audience and take part only in minor rituals but cannot take part in main rituals.

Besides myself I asked her How do you pray Do you tell namaaz or whatever their woman pray.She said she would pray like a  Muslim in her husbands circle and here she will be a Hindu .She had come all the way from Dubhai just to attend this function.

 

She whisked out here smart phone showing how during recent  Siva ratri she and 4o other Hindus in dubhai including men chanted Siva ashtotram! and she does this regularily and was proud of it. I was taken aback and asked doesnt Azim her hub objecte to it She said no1He lets me do what I like.from the very beginning.

 

But the Taliban that is after me  wants to constantly throw a purdah on me , discourage me from visiting temples and give  fatigue beam during festivals like as if I have converted to Islam ! And spoilt my reputation just because i am friendly with my Muslim flat  neighbour.Even that friend ship was forced upon me by threats of audio micro wave ....                                                                                                              Here is a woman from my community who has converted to Islam actually done it but she is  let scot free at her keeness in taking part in Hindu socio cum religious events  and chant Sanskrit slokas.

 

She left our society  to become a Muslim for' Love ' but she can stomp around reciting sanskrit slokas with strange Hindu men on her free will ,craving now for Hindu identity and here i am forced into the company of Muslims whose company and recognition i  do not care for.If they come and speak or profess friendship straight face to face I have no problem talking to them but not to those who are doing  in this vile hidden manner through mobiles and overhead hidden cameras.Dumping god knows what into me, maybe their ire and frustrations  under the obscurity of such shady communications .The same applies to Christians and Hindus who are using mobiles and readers to invade my privacy ,watch my reactions and then provoke me to write .Have they no decency?If my writing is so important they can always come to  my house and discuss it and give me a choice to decide whether I should write for them or not.instead of attacking me slyily ,caring two hoots for human dignity.If this sly method continues one day or the other it will boomerang against them .I hope ,wish and pray that  it does.

It was this relative who was sure that my first son Vidat was done away with by youths of her community [she was married for 5 years then] when she came to offer condolences by saying" Since Vidat was getting too close to a Muslim girl[colleague] ,our Pasangas [our youths]would not have let it go unavenged."

She left exactly at 10 30 AM with a special good bye to me.

 

Vaccination.

In  March 2021 it was announced that henceforward seniors of 60 and 60 + would be vaccinated .I had this tiny teeny weeny bit of hesitation.The pandemic was over wasn't it ?The cases had fallen.Why should i go for vaccination?

I had very early decided to take the vaccination as it was my only ray of hope to regain my normal life so i was not going to back off..I had everything that the wretched Corona liked to make my life hell as per experts ,that is age and co -morbidities .If i had to escape severe disease, hospitilisation paying huge fees denting my savings i had to take it. I also had to take it be free from this abnormal fear gripping me and to become mobile and normal .I had to take it.

I remember taking some pox vaccination maybe small pox at school in my early teens.Doctors would come and inject the line of students in our hands .Then I would get fever and the two points of the jab festering into two huge boils disabling the use of that hand[owing to pain] for several days.I remember taking it twice with a gap of a year.

So getting vaccinated is nothing new to me . I had no fear or doubt because i was not innundated by flood of conflicting information from all parts of the world viz our experts would say it is good tho' quick every procedure was duly followed,then caution on adverse reaction,some would say foreign vaccination like pifzer, Moderna Sputnik, is good don't take our home made ones [tho'pifzer etc also did it quickly]beware of blood clots and so on , the way it is now.I was too young.The teachers told us to take it and we did .

Before taking the vaccine i had gone over a lot of information from tv and papers and processed it .thus--By the time our turn came several lakhs had taken it .There was news of 20 or so dying  a day or two  after  vaccination of heart attack etc. Was the vaccine triggering the heart attacks .Maybe.And it could be that they those persons were not aware of thier morbities and were not on medication .But I am on medication .so the risk my being one of those 20 is  very very low.

Next about adverse reaction-I read that only people with allergies get such reactions within half an hour .I have no allergies.

Should  I wait for 10 years when all every one is 100 % sure that these vaccines have no side effects.The manner in which many educated  people were willing to wait it out.For that i would have to lead a hermit like life with fear contracting the virus one day or the other.So spend 10 hellish years .There were many who feared the vaccine for its side effects more that continuing with this hermit like  lockdown life .

 

So i made my mind thus .If by freakish chance I get hit then either Vaikuntum or i ll be back soon in a younger and maybe a  better body.The other option was to wait it out and tie myself to my house for years  ,get obssessiviley clean, wearing  and tiring myself out .with fear ,suspicion and boredom and spend loads of money if hospitalised.

I decided that first option is best . My fear of the virus was more than the fear of the vaccine.And i am going to take the vaccine offered  here since it was said they were best suited for our hot conditions than pfizer etc .I preffered Covaxin not because , 'I am Bharatiya ' etc and all the other patriotic stuff but because I read that it was very effective against its Mutant in a study in Brazil.At that time that mutant didn't come home but what if it did in future so why not fortify myself now?

 

On 28 th Feb my hub went to a nearby private hospital and gave our names .I was surprised  on seeing his enthusiasm, since he never liked taking medicines or visiting hospitals unlike me.Times change .People change.Whilst I was sure that my turn of jab would come only next year he was confident of getting it on the first week itself!I thought he was joking .It turned out that he wasn't.

Next day March 1 st we waited for the phone call from the hospital as promised by them to inform us about the date of vaccination.It never came.

Having read papers and seen info on TV i told him that to get a jab regn on Cowin was a must .So he started the process on his smart phone to a portal forwarded by a relative from abroad.

He couldn't register and kept trying the whole day .He said the form filling was lengthy and it was not confirming.Evening I lost my patience and switched on my PC .I remembered having read that many couldn't register on 28 th midnight because they were using a portal for front line workers and ours was different one.

Chaffing at the Govt for making this process so complicated, that to for seniors who are not computer savy i found the website for seniors quite easily.

I was immediately asked to type my Aadhar card number and phone number .Got a OTP on my cell within seconds.I was asked to type it I did.It was very easy and quick.I waited for confirmation .It didnt come .So went through the process 4-5 times.No confirmation .So dropped it .

 Then hub rang up the hospital who said that they were vaccinating seniors and asked us to be there by 8AM the next day! 

I couldn't believe my ears .Weren't crores already registered and waiting ti be vaccinated.We haven't even registered.I had assumed that seniors were ready to pounce on the vaccination the way we did when it was announced .Not all are alike.

.

Nexy day reached the hospital by 7.30 We were the first The staff came later and a nicely dressed woman staff kept striding up and down.

we explained to those at the counter that we couldn't register at Cowin and would they kindly do it for us?One chap fed my Aadhar no: and said 'madame you have registered".So i did register the day before.

I stopped carrying my simple mobile long while back, after the ruckus in 2014.But that day i slipped it into my handbag when i left the house .And my hub forgot his .It was good thing that i took it as it was needed for further formalities and for the regn of my husbandThe amount was Rs 250 each.Paid it.

Two more people joined us at the desk , when that woman staffer shooed me away saying 'Don't crowd' in a stern manner.'Ironical .After a lapse of an hour that area around the desk was swarming with seniors and thier helpers and she couldnt say a word against them who were crowding and  jostling.

Soon more and more people came and there was all round confusion.The staff kept struggling with the computer and Net and Cowin .People pushed each other to reach the desk.seeing this melee i thought What guarentee is there that I won't catch the virus from one of these people?

Amid the teeming crowds of confused seniors and staff i got my BP checked .It was high as  I didn't take the tablet.The young thin dark girl checking my BP assured me that my high BP didn't matter! I had my doubts  neverthless I didnt want to miss the oppurtunity of taking the vaccination at the earliest.So i went to the room It was quiet and free of that milling crowd .A young nurse injected me from a small vial.It was pain less .I forgot to tel her my preference.She smilingly bade me bye.

When i came out waiting in the passage for my hub to have his shot I felt a tremendous relief.        Good bye to Corona .Goodbye to fear. It was so tremendous that i sent a sms to my son .

 

Nobody asked us to wait for 1/2 hour,we ourselves pushed through the crowd and found a empty waiting room and sat there.Then left for home.On coming out of the building saw a long queue of seniors winding upto the gate .Seeing such long q's on tv i felt that we seniors are much wiser than  the current lot .

 I felt great ! I felt that I achieved the impossible on the second day itself! All my calculations and assumptions were wrong .Thank God!

In the noon got sms from govt that we had taken first dose of and our next dose was due on 30 th March.

Evening the half dead virus or whatever was injected started to show its handiwork .I got slight twisting pain in my leg and also got fever .Took a combiflam and proceeded to cook the dinner .But felt heavy discomfort making me chide myself  for letting a virus that was some where outside forcibly into myself.and suffer thus.If this light viral fever was just a trailer what would the real one be like? Thus thinking i endured the fever and pain. Hub as healthy and jolly as ever. No reactions at all.

 

The pain and fever continued next day It was like viral fever ..On the 3 rd day it vanished and I was back to normal.

Then the wait for the second dose started .There was talk of extending the gap for the second dose by the Govt.I hoped that it would be after I took it .As per experts it was the booster doe that made the vaccine effective and 28 days gap was ideal.Plus I didn't want to spend some more months immobile and skeptical.

March 30 th came and we were off to that hospital.This time the arrangements were good .seating , , desk and vacination had lot of social distancing.

There were only a handful of seniors waiting  We were not checked for BP.Got the vaccine straight away after paying for it .

I asked the nurse what vaccine was she injecting .she said Covishield .I said I would have preffered Covaxin at the outset itself..She said there is  no choice, we have only covishield.and added that since Covaxin was introduced the second wave set in ! I was aghast at her lack of knowledge or was it pre judise?How can a vaccine trigger a second wave?

We got our certs in no time at the  vaccination centre.

This time I had no side effects .

So vaccination was over.Waited for 15 days for it to take full effect at the end of which we planned to go to Bangalore by train and not car .Wanted to rub shoulders with people happily .When the advised period got over and we were raring to take off lockdown was imposed first in Bangalore  soon followed by Tamilnadu due to the second wave..Shutters came down on us once more.So back to hermit life.

Announcement about vaccination.

 In January PM came on TV.to address us.He has grown a long snowy white beard  making him look like Bernard Shaw or Tagoreor Aurobindo Gosh..I hope he gets back to his trimmed beard days .He looks sad in that flowing  white beard and flowing uncut hair.[dirty Chinese] unlike his smart confident look earlier on with a good hair cut and trimmed French beard.

He was launching the vaccination first for the Doctors and health workers and then for us in March.He was in tears when he recounted the sacrifices made by Doctors and health workers whilst combating the Corona ,moving me also to tears.

In papers after two days the news came that there was very poor response to vaccination in Tamilnadu  .Doctors and nurses went on leave so as to avoid vaccination!

 I couldn't beleive it .I became furious when this trend continued for weeks!Whist the illiterate and lesser educated health workers up North were getting vaccinated the highly rational, scientific and educated Periyaar's children were dodging vaccine.Wasn't Chennai and Tamilnadu the most popular location for medical tourism in India and from foreign countries as well?If they avoid vaccine how would patients trust them?What sort of message were they sending,?That the vaccination lacks data and hurried and hence not to be trusted?

Epidemoligists, virologists and the head of AIIMS were clearly explaining on tv that vaccinations were safe and they were made within record time viz 10 months as against the usual 10 years  because there is world wide colloboration on all fields like research, raw materials, survey,sample etc with all beauracratic hurdles  swiftly cleared , as the times were witnessing a pandemic.Those experts also made it clear that any adverse reaction would be only within half an hour of taking the vaccine and that could be tackled since innoculation was arranged only in hospitals.

 

I felt ashamed of these highly educated Tamiliyans .I felt that I was being insulted .They had hurt me with their obstinacy .I couldn't stomach doctors dodging vaccine.I couldn't believe it.How ever there are exceptions Our family doctors took it and I was glad to hear it.

 

The silver lining is that when vaccination was announced for 60 + in March the opposition leader then as well as the then CM , took it and beamed it on TV advising people to take it .They restored my pride and made me sigh with relief..

 

Soon I stopped fuming over Tamiliyan doctors  for denting my pride .Ok  my mother tongue is Tamil  but it s at the hands of Tamiliyans I have faced maximum harrassment starting from my KG classes.

 

When we as kids would return home walking the distance from school ,suddenly a swarm of kids would descend on us from nearby slum in Adayar and start  hitting us .We would try and shield ourselves ,hit them and run as fast we could to our houses.This was  a regular farcas.

 Next when i was joined in a  primary convent school in IIT campus the dark Miss 'es [converted Christians]would constantly pick on me at the way I dressed , spoke ,ate ,studied the whole of 2 years I studied there.

Then in my early teens when I outgrew my younger Tamil friends[Non brahmins] and joined my age group North Iindian girls these Tamil girls who were still kids  would band together and follow me chanting abuses against me in the Govt quarters we were residing in Hyderabad.May be they were furious that i had deserted them.This went for years and I would just ignore them.

 

Next in Delhi when I was joined a school run by Tamiliyans the boys all non brahmin Tamiliyans would band together as a big group and keep on ragging me calling me abusive and degrading names .I ignored this also .though it went on through out my 10 th and 11 th classes.I didn't complain about it in the school nor at home.When board results came most of my harrassers failed or just made it whilst I came first in the school and got a rank in the state merit list with scholarship for graduate studies.That shut them up and made some of them to make friendly overtures shamefacedly.It was too late as  any  how we were all leaving school.

Now back in Chennai the ragging i was subject to from 2012 onwards beats all of them down.It was and is Mega!In this harrassment there were not only Non Brahmins and scheduled castes but also Muslims, Brahmins and Christians.All Tamiliyans.!Everywhere i looked persons whether from persons known to me in these  flats itself or from strangers on the road or train or bus or in the park or in the beach or temple or functions or shops from all theses communities would glare at me in a hostile manner spit on the road '.Neighbours would thump  and kick my ceiling when i was blogging.

 

This time too  i decided as usual to ignore it but complain about it in my  blog Sujataism .And I did.It was of no avail.I was just another blogger who asked for it.

It was only as late as 2016 that i realised that I should reveal my lineage.in my profile and I did.Had i revealed my lineage when I first started to blog in 2008 'maybe' I wouldn't have had such  painful treatments in 2012 and 2014 followed by  groupstalking and ostrasication.Maybe.

It is not that i have a criminal past or non entity status to hide ,in fact  I have a good past and a noble lineage .I saw many people never revealing even their names in their blogs who were scared to do so.I held back because I didnot want scare away the few viewers I had .I also wanted to test my individual capacity .and in the rush of things I just forgot about it.

So having received so much ragging teasing harrassment by Tamiliyans [Up north i was not ragged in packs by N.Indians  it was Tamiliyans who were ragging me there.] why should i care about them who have no pride in me and fume over them for insulting Tamil pride by their obstinacy,ignorance and prejudises.? 

 

So i dropped it and started calculating the date of my vaccination .

 

There are 30 crore seniors! Oof!The rate of vaccination per day then was very low, scarcely 2 or 3 lakhs all over India.

Even after seeing hesitation of well educated people I assumed that at least 20 crore 60+ would register on Cowin and I felt greatly dampened .What if Cowin regn was first cum first service basis.I would be left far behind  for not having nimble fingers.

At the rate of vaccinations done then , I calculated my turn to come after 18 months.That would be September 2022,if I survived.It amused me when the Govt insisted that 30 crore seniors would be vaccinated by September 21!

As per my calculations based on rate of vaccination per day , I was sure that I was in for along long wait so I started to get angry over Govt's control over vaccine.

 

Why can't it it be made available to Chemists?Why shouldn't I ask Medical labs workers  who come to test my sugar  at home give me this vaccination at home itself?If I can pay 3000 Rs per blood test once in two months would I shirk spending that much and even more for the much needed vaccine? Why shouldnt private hospitals , companies etc be free to purchase vaccines and make home or apartment visits ?An ambulance can be stationed to tackle adverse reaction if any.

What is this Cowin?Are 60 year old's adept in apps?Why burden us with this digital or net mania?Why can't the officials or those incharge  at vaccination centres make a entry in aregister after seeing our identification and allow us to have our innoculation.

Doesn't the Govt trust its citizens that it insists on Net Or do they want statistics?Then those making entry in register books can enter it in the computer.Thus i was thinking, dejected at the prospect of not getting a jab quickly.

 

 Then came the January 26 th horror that made me nearly to sob .The scaling of the flag post that PM's down the line since Independance have hoisted our flag.That monkey that ape committed the worst sacrilege .Why didn't the police stop him?At least with water cannons?As he kept scaling and skidding till he reached the top I kept hoping that some policeman would pull him down or thwart his attempts by using a helicopter..It didn't happen.When he took away our flag and planted some other flag I felt so totally violated that i closed my eyes and hid my face in shame with my hands ,unable to digest it.

I wasn't much bothered about the Redfort being over run by this mob.It has seen plenty of violence and bloodshed in the past .It is time that flag hoisting on Independance day is shifted to a pleasanter place like a garden.

 

By February the fear of Corona had nearly evaporated .The Govt declared 'we are pandemic free 'and I greeted this news with joy.

 

We patted our backs.'We Indians have built in immunity. since we have lived through scores of epidemics down the ages .The dirt around us to which we are so used since birth also has immunised us.where as in Western nations and US people were dying because of super cleanliness.And our food full of spices is another factor.The pepper , jeera ,  in our Rasam which we take daily kills that wretch when it tries to lodge in the throat.We have beaten it and driven it out.It has also got scared of our crowds and so on.

I saw busses plying with full capacity during my morning walks.Though I was a bit hesitant we even attended a wedding .All were moving around happily without masks.

Suddenly in the middle of Feb it was decided that we visit Tirumala for a special darshan .for which one has to pay 10,000 Rs  .This would allow us to very near the sanctum.It was not my decision as i wanted to move out to crowded places only after vaccination.Any way I complied.

During lockdown svbc channel was showing Tirumala .There wasnt a single person .It twisted to see this temple thus .There were minimum 50,000 devotees every day that it would always be a sea faces .I felt sorry for Srinivasar .He must be missing his devotees , thier ferverent prayers and the chant of Govinda Govinda ripping through the air and reveberating this valley by dashing off against the hills sorrounding it.I heard that leopards and bears were regular visitors in and around the temple in those days .They had Srinivasar all to themselves.Lucky beasts.Evey dog has its day.

There are hundreds of Vishnu and other deities temples in Tamilnadu that are bigger but do not draw this crowd .Srinivasar has this fame that if one prays for something and promises to pay for the results in any manner ,viz tonsuring head , walking up the steps ,so on, they are sure to get it.It has worked over the centuries hence this temple sees so much crowd.Even Krishna Deva raya the 15 th cent king would shower Srinivasar with land,gold and money after each victory in his battles .He must have prayed for victory .

 

I stepped into the tourist car with trepidation spraying my seat etc with disinfectants. We stopped at a hotel  for breakfast  Washes hands before and after,Then to loo an unavoidable place for diabetics Again sprayed my hand with a pocket size sanitiser.Several people around.All were cool and normal.Only I was cautious.The papers were still giving numbers of Covid patients .Though very less, what if by chance viz my bad luck I happen to come across one of them and contract the disease?It is a possibility.  Reached Trichanur .Again needed the loo My husband pointed to a public toilet saying that they were clean It was. I used it.

When I came out I told myself drop this fear .No one is fearing except me.So I very casually entered the Temple holding the rope held by many before me, jostled with the crowd for darshan, bent down on the ground in obseice my hands and forehead touching the ground trampled by the crowd of devotees.Did what every one was doing.Joined the crowd.

Went up to the hills.I disinfected the bed, door ,handle etc in the ashram.My husband laughed at me.Then we proceeded towards smaller temples.There was ahuge crowd on the steps leading to them.One chap coughed near me.I thought Oh my god I had it.Any way I would know it in 2-4 days time so forget it and enjoy the moment.

Next day reached the queue at 5 AM after bathing etc.I was in for a shock.The RS 10,000 per head special darshan queue was serpentine!There were nearly 2000 people.Most were of our age and well to do.I thought This is not aVIP darshan .The queue is as long as RS 300 ticket , the ordinary darshan queue.A small temple priests observation came to mind'last week there were more than 3000 at this q'.

I was amazed at the pull of Srinivasar.All those standing patiently in the line  were seniors  who must be having energy sapping life style diseases like BP , sugar etc leading a comfortable life but are up in this cold ,have bathed and were standing for hours in a queue for a darshan!

The q moved slowly .We were showered with disinfectant near the gate.Hardly a few seconds were allowed near the sanctum.The rude Jargandi viz Move Move by security guards  was substituted by a muted Jargandi by volunteers.That was the only difference .

 

How many ever times one visits this temple the magical moment of seeing the diamond studded gold crown and the face of Srinivasar with thick white Thirumun when He suddenly appears into view at the bend near Garuda's sannidhi is renewed freshly every time .Nothing can match it.

 

Then back to Chennai with stops at hotels.After leading a extremely hygenic life for nearly 11 months , all the precautions  went for a toss  in this trip .I stopped sanitising my hands after awhile.

 

I waited for 4 days .No fever. No cold.wow! So we made it .We beat the Corona or we were lucky. 

 

 

Visitors.

 My first visitor  during the lockdown was a Corporation fever worker.I was pleasantly surprised one morning when i answered the bell and saw a young girl in churidhar and mask.She said that she was from the Corporation and was here to check fever and oxygen level .At that time i knew nothing about oxygen level .

She checked us and found us to be normal.It was nice seeing a healthy, young cheerful woman at my doorstep.She exuded health and confidence and i looked forward to her next visit.She came regularily.

Next was my neighbours college going daughter.She had come to invite for Varalakshmi nombu.She came and sat casually on the sofa .No fear of contamination.She was at home as colleges were closed.It was nice seeing that girl that is her total non chalance. I excused myself as they live right next to that Corona infected person.

Then another Iyer woman  came and invited.Since they live in floor just above mine I thought i will go up and come back swiftly.She was also casual and cool.Their hall was packed with female relatives including a pregnant woman who all  live in the upper floors.I dropped my plan of a quick get away.They all looked happy , free and i wanted some of that for myself.So sat on a chair [at its edge lest i get infected].Then my next door neighbour joined ,and we all  had a good time joking and laughing.My age group women didnot come.

 

Just before Deepavali in November i had slight fever and a sore throat .It was raining.Sore throat is a normal occurence to me and i took crocin and gargled with warm salt water.The fever persisted .Was feeling tired .Was I being beamed the way it is done to me before festivals and davasams?Or did i catch the Corona?I decided to call up that corporation girl for testing ,before going to bed .The next day the fever and fatigue vanished .So didn't call her.

Fear of Corona.

Till i got my vaccination  life had become terribly scary.Scared of people, scared to touch provisions,scared to touch vegetables ,scared to touch anything and everything around me.Business men got a quick wind of this fear that was stalking a large number of people as i started seeing special sanitisers to wash vegetables , gadgets in ad's and in shops !

 

Before Corona struck sales boys in retail shops would beg me to buy sanitisers which i would look at disdainfully as another marketing gimmick and decline it. .But after Corona struck I ran from shops to shops to get my hand on a sanitiser.At first there was a shortage but slowly different brands of santisers in various sizes filled the racks .

 

I used to go  shopping for vegetables etc to my usual shop with ofcourse a slight fear because other wise  my husband would have to do it and I didn't want him to take too many risks.I would wash my hand thoroughly with sanitisers kept in those shops and come back and again wash my hands.So i did go out .But there were many of my age group who stayed stuck in thier houses for months, not even peeping out .

Whilst there  was this extreme there was the  other extreme who were living like as if there was no threat of Corona .They went out , kept their servants , put clothes to dhobhi,touched everything and were not finicky about it and let thier children and grand  children play in the common area on the ground,.Nothing happened to them.

My fear of contracting Corona was not the fear of the disease.Despite my age and co morbidities I was confident that i would make it.Several of my relatives who were in ICU made it back.Nobody died.So what I feared was having to spend Lakhs of money on treatment just because somebody coughed or sneezed or spoke loudly near me .

As per relatives and friends one had to spend minimum 6 lakhs for a week stay in a good private hospital What if i was there for a month?I ll be spending all my money whether i live or die.If i survived I would have to live with a very tightened fist.I may lose my monetary independance and that was a daunting thought.

With interest rates nose diving each day from the standard 9 - 8 % to 6 and 5 % even the money i get from FD's now, will not be handful.

Secondly in these busy days  i can't expect my son or daughter in law to take care of us weakened by the virus, for weeks together. They have to earn for their lives in another city and they have a hectic schedule.  .Moreover hiring outside help is also not possible since it is such a disease that every body wants to run away from it.Nobody would come near us even for money..

These were my 2 great fears .I didnot fear the disease but only its repurcussions.

 

I have survived chicken pox, malarial attack, typhoid, jaundice,dengue and atypical pnuemonia[ which is similar to Corona].But i was younger then ,but the mind refuses to acknowledge that body grows older and weaker with age.Hence I actually did not fear Corona.

 

I felt immensely relieved  when i got my first dose and then i took the second dose and was raring to travel after 15 days when  lockdown was announced by this and neighbouring states due to second wave.When i lost my fear and wanted to get back to my normal ways these lockdowns/curfew shuffed it all out.

Life became boring.Being locked up once again sapped my enthusiasm to shop and the energy to  arrange conveyance.A lassitude set in with the feeling why shop? Why travel?Days and nights are moving as usual.This life is ok now.Got used it .Why trouble myself with travelling, shopping etc?Eat, walk , do yoga  recite slokas watch TV and U tube, read a bit and sleep.Simple life befitting my age..

 

Another paradox is that some of my relatives of my age and even older who were very active throughout lockdowns without a inch of fear ,leading a very normal life suddenly lost their confidence after getting vaccinated! 

The stopped  some religious ceremonies and visiting  temples though some norms were relaxed.Maybe they feel that by taking vaccine they have lost control over their bodies.Strange.Whilst i gained my nerves they lost theirs! Comic.

Close encounters with Corona

 Two months passed since lockdown when we were patting or backs that though  our area  is a very crowded with a line of slum tenements  there wasn't as single case of Corona.This was short lived .

In June roughly when hostilities broke out in the Galwan region between India and China,my next door neighbour who can see me through her kitchen window beckoned me to come out when i was washing dishes in mine.

When i came out she whispered from her doorstep that the upper floor neighbour's son had Corona and asked me to be careful and not to hang  my clothes outside to dry.

Came in quite nonplussed.My heart sank.I fretted and fumed in panic.and that asymptomatic neighbour made things worse by running up and down our common stairs from his third floor instead of using the lift, talking loudly, laughing and stomping like a mad bull.What if Corona flew into our house in one of his rampages.My neighbour was also equally angry and anxious.

He is tall and hefty and works in Indian oil company.He was going to his office through out the lockdown and he is said to have been tested positive when his office did a random check.

For two days he was stomping up and down the stairs [though normally he would use the lift.] oestensibly  to visit Doctor to test his wife and child, adding to my anxiety and was hugely relieved when he quit with his wife and child to some hospital.My relief was short lived.For he was back in two days with the news that all 3 were asymptomatic and were ordered home quarintine.

Then municipal corporation workers came and hammered asbestos sheets at ground floor blocking entry from back southern side and also his flat doorway.

I quit going up for my walk lest i contract the infection unleashed by his Ac's exhaust which is on the terrace.

A sanitary worker would come specially to collect their waste.I admired her guts but for her it was all in a day's work.

The fact that nobody thought of quitting their flats to be in safe distance with their relatives or children had me thinking.I would have fled to my son's house if he was staying in Chennai.Since i had no other go i was stuck here.

Now i started to walking down ,around our flats carefully avoiding that flats drain pipe.I went and bought bottles of Lizol and poured it down my bathroom 's drain, toilet etc fearing infection from there.I remember that Sars had spread in HongKong [long back]because of flats having common drains .I used so much Lizol that I became allergic to it. 

A little thought kept niggling me.Was all this a drama? Was it to do with Galwan hostilities?Is this chap a spy or shadowy worker like his father?So maybe just as  a doctor's  son becomes a doctor maybe a  spy's son also becomes a spy.

Most of these residents profess to work in Govt undertakings   .It is Port trust or Hindustan Engineering or Indian oil , as in this fellows case.Was i being blocked off from suggestions against the Govt and  were deflecting micro wave beams that could provoke me to rage and rant against our Govt for subjecting me to cruel no touch torture in a sensitive time as this? I often get provoked thus just before New moon and full moon days .Or was i expected to react in a manner that would give a communal tinge to this episode and write it down? I kept my cool and stuck to my determination not to write.I was scared to write even my diary then because i know it is read and feared for the safety of my family. 

The turning point was my son's tooth ache just after a week of his vaccination and 2 weeks before the launch of new vaccination programme in June 2021.It could be natural or it could be induced .The fact that he kept complaining of pain even after medication had me thinking.This is the typical signature of micro wave torturers.They would keep on stirring the wound when it is about to heal and to prolong the pain.It happened to me when i was given knee pain in 2011 .It was stirred for two years to prevent me from going out and from going on temple travels.It suddenly vanished one day .The same sadistic method was used when i had my uterus operated in 2014.They kept prolonging my pain and the doctors were surprised at my  late recovery. It could be either to immobolise him or prevent him from speaking [he was already at home due to curfew]  or use it to emotionally black mail me.So whether i write or not these tortures will happen.So why should I reign in my natural  aptitudes and fight against my decades long habit?

.Another important reason was that  i didnot want to feel short changed and this was coupled with the  feeling of annoyance  at my weakness for  prostituting my talents for free.And i also had this doubt that may be what i write is not my own , original thinking but  some one elses with a agenda.So many people have access to my forehead that it is difficult to sift between my own reactions and views and somebody elses. because earlier on i often caught myself writing on subjects and public affairs that i hardly care about.

The fact that I have no privacy was shown to me since 2012 .If i wore a blue sari in my bedroom and go for walk or i would see another woman wearing ditto sari.  This happened too many times for me to brush it aside as a co incidence.I f thought some thing in the corner of my bedroom  somebody would speak it or enact it .This too happened several times.So if i wrote my diary it would be directly or through readers.That was a sickening thought .A neighbour I thought who was very decent and respectable could actually be reading my inner most thoughts as i pen it down or even think!But the constant provocations i was subject to  made me forget all this demeaning  and unethical aspects of all this and i  would start to writing .

I held on for a year fighting the urges and provocations and had decided to never to write or blog.The only thing I wrote was in January 21 on a rough paper my calculation of the time it would take me to get my vaccination   but when i detected the signature of the tortures on my son  i felt that it was futile to hold myself back .I have  caught the tiger by its tail.and there is a sword hanging over my head whether I write or do not write.

                        To fulfill my craving for writing I took the safe route of translating Sanskrit slokas..Diary writing is a habit of 52 years . With the change of govt here in May this resolve of mine that i had successfully stuck to for a year ,was broken.and i filled reams of pages with with my experiences and observations like a wild river in spate.And i might as well blog some of them since it is a good diversion from my mundane life.I have started prostituting my talents for free once again.It is at once heady and disgusting.

I have read that some well known English authors would tie themselves to their chair so as to write novel;s books etc .Mine is just opposite.I kept pens out of my sight, and didn't write a single word regarding public affairs  and  even my own affairs  lest i start pouring out any thing and every thing.

I suppose what i write about no touch torture, micro waves etc will be de classified only after 50 years after I am gone

U.S is quite liberal They have declassified Reid's no touch torture methods and the effects of audio microwave hearing and the torture due to it and how electronic weapons are no longer used by army but has been passed on to the police.All this is in the net.This corroborates with what Peter Mooring has written about people cookers .If not for these information on net I would have been totally at sea.

OK I have revealed identities which I shouldnot.Will i be slapped with sedition or Goonda's act? If my forehead hadn't be blasted  and subsequently jammed i wouldn't have known that some of my neighbours have a job to hide.So it wasn't I who took the first step.

OK I have blogged all this before , but nothing stopped. .Maybe my viewership is too small and i am not a popular public personality .And in all probability the the Semi Crack cloak that they have foisted on me is also  working.Who will beleive a mad person?But what i am saying is the truth and it is very tough for ordinary people leading a normal life even the educated ones to comprehend what i am saying. barking and crying for help as it would upset thier balance, beliefs  and trust.One has to experience it to believe it.

Apart from the two electronic tortures i was subject to that both lasted for 3 weeks at a stretch whose pain  i have forgotten now.Can any one relive a physical pain like tooth ache etc once it goes?I remember it was done but cannot relive that pain .It is gone.    But it is a different matter with regards to my husband.In 2012 July -August his heart was definetly attacked which made him suffer a heart attack , and weakened his heart and has shortened his life. He complained of gas running up and down   from his abdomen to chest for several days .So he was microwaved in lethal manner just short of killing him.He had become dark and  his body blew up grotesquely and he was terribly uneasy .It subsided immediately[ that is his unease] after  a christian nurse gave him some tablets in the scanning centre.  His body became normal only under medication and now he has to take a whole lot of them . The damage done to him is irrepairable   .His heart is yet to come to normal pumping level. 

                                                 There is another on going torture.My mind is constantly filled  and muddled with thoughts i hardly spare  a thought about for eg about Modi now after change in govt here in May and previously about conversion , religions etc . The conversion bid in 2014 riled me hence a little provocation on seeing dark people and persons in white cap &burkha would set me off against Evangelists and Jihadists.If not for that crazy conversion bid with death threats i would never have broached such subjects.Next , i donot believe in that coinage that is spun around viz Either you adore Modi or hate him .I like him and not adore him and i donot hate him either.He is a charismatic leader un apologetic about his Hindu roots and exudes strength .He is here for a long haul..

                                                                                                                            A mobile phone is used to get a direct entry into my mind .May be the micro wave hearing made it easy for such quick access to my  forehead.It will be held by jobless youths or men or even women in opposite tenements and they will be looking southwards .If i change the direction of my face their connection will be cut .and so would my line of unwanted thoughts.It is more pronounced if i am near a electrical connection but it also happens outside on the road.I am unable to figure out how with help of a mobile persons can provoke my thought process.But this is done and this is a daily happening torture that cuts my peace and my after noon naps.

It also makes me think that maybe this method was used to provoke Vidat my late son to take the extreme step.This is a sure method to drive any one crazy., emotional and aggressive.Currently this is my main mental  torture .If i have to be free of it i have to be too alert and keep changing the position of my face.Those who do this love to  do it when i am in the toilet or bathing or changing my sari and when I am having lunch and dinner apart from other places like when I am washing my dishes or watching Tv or speak over the phone or reading.Perverts.The pain inducing beams leave when it comes out as gas and bowel movments or liquid like tears, fluids, sudden bathing of sweat and urine.  .I  was and am constantly attacked by both .Is it possible for a person under such constant inhuman attacks to lead a normal life?Though they are known to the spies they are given a carte blanche to do thier heinous acts with  absolute immunity .It is people poor who are roped in for this .It seems eerily similar to what Peter mooring has said that it is poor who are asked to such dirty jobs for group stalking by People cookers.  Can i ever escape this organised attacks.Impossible.I' ll have to jump into the sea.Even there   someone will be in scuba gear.

I suppose only those who are in this field can believe and understand what i am divulging .Definetly an enemy who knows all this would love to keep on prodding me.I have been handed on a platter to them.Let them fight it out.

Most probably I am the only one in India blogging on 'Classified information' Since I am allowed to do so it also shows that India is also  democratic.

My next encounter was when a close friend and collegue of my husband was admitted in hospital after he complained of 'spinning head'.His son arranged on line from Singapore down to a ambulance reaching his door.

He spoke regularily on phone complaining about garlic in food and of loneliness.Since all were in PP suits he felt that he was sorrounded by robots .For two days he stopped ringing up .We heard from his family that he was in ICU .He was back soon and said that for two day she kept going to Vaikuntum and back.He was soon discharged and was back home.Though he finished quarintine and became ok though he was a very active person became house bound .Those 2 fearful days denting his confidence and zest for life.

Before blogging this post I was thinking should i reveal Indian oil etc? What will i get out of it?

1. That i am clever and can piece things ?

2. That ours is a democracy?

3.That i haven't forgotten my no touch evidenceless harsh tortures done on me despite being a woman whose body is weak and has weakened further by rigours of childbirth and age. I was 55 then in 2012 and 57 in 2014?Even now at age 64 i have to endure the burning effects of those beams like stinging pain in eyes, blocking of my forehead as well as burning in chest, aches in my knees on and off.

Am i being churlish and vengeful?Maybe some of them are working for the country.Maybe they are blocking me off  from foreign spies.Of the two whom should i choose?Definetly my countries .

If only their methods had been gentle I would have gladly obliged.without having that sick ,debasing  and festering feeling of being treated like an animal that needed to be controlled.

I am not in any one's payroll so i feel that i have the right as a citizen not to be treated in such a brutish manner for what ever reasons.