Havana Syndrome.

In a article in its  newspaper  dated 22.9.21 the Times of India  has finally acknowleged the existence of targeted micro wave  energy weapons by stating that such weapons were causing inexplicable health issues like  sudden dizziness, nausea , buzzing sound in ears ,pain leading to immobilisation to CIA agents and US diplomats around the world.

I have been blogging about the existence of such non lethal[that is they are used for causing grievous injuries and not for killing] micro wave weapons as i am a direct recipient of its terrible torture since 2012 , but Indians believe only White man's views as gospel truth.

I am sure that they have read my blogs .It has taken them 9 years to publicly acknowledge the existence of such weapons, but that to in a guarded manner.,that is quoting foreign media and US.govt.

The US govt has dismissed the symptoms as inexplicable health issues .It is acting too innocent like as if they donot know about such weapons ! They were using them since 1940.

This syndrome has said to have struck  a intelligence officer accompanying CIA boss on his recent visit to India after the Kabul bombing incident.The symptoms mentioned are all similar to what i have felt on and off since 2012 .Apart from experiencing all the pain nausea etc i also  used to hear that irritating buzzing sound several times in middle of the  night in my right ear making me wake up from sleep.At times this would follow me inside my house even during the day .From 2014 onwards i stopped hearing this .

Two reasons were given by the paper quoting sources, for some of the CIA operatives and US diplomats   to experience this inexpilicable illness.

The top reason given was that the intel's were succumbing to the side effects of the hazardous objects they use in surveilliance.

Secondly rivals of US viz Russia or China may be targetting the intel's and diplomats when they go out of US .

When i read the top reason viz illness was due to side effects of handling hazardous weapons constantly for survelliance , I felt very happy.because I can never prove this evidevce less torture unless the person himself turns up as a witness .So impossible to get justice from courts.

But they have to be punished for what they have done to me .So I am gleeful that one day or the other those handling these  weapons that emit hazardous magnetic waves, radio signals and micro waves on me would be struck down by the side effects /emmisions of the dangerous weapons they weild, writhe in excruiting pain and become immobile, 

A remark made by CIA chief made me laugh.He was expressing astonishment at his companion being identified as a intelligence agent ! This was dutifully reported ! How funny ! Would a human activist or a green warrior accompany a spy chief instead of his underling?Touching innocence.

I later read in Organiser magazine that the said Intel also travelled to Pakistan and fell ill only in US.and CNN deliberately didn't mention this information so as to show India in a bad light. Possible.CIA is notorious .                                                                                                                       I  have several theories and am 90 % sure as to who is the real culprit but will not delve further as  that would be exhibiting stockholm syndrome.

 I am happy with the top reason given for this illness--Havana syndrome.viz side effects of  handling micro wave weapons.That is some thing to celeberate.

Women's rights, social evils and integeration---

 I am expected to write on all the above.Joke! Cruel Joke.Such suggestions givers must be blind  or insolent.

First and foremost I am not enjoying the basic rights that every other women does.There are persons peering at me from every nook and corner of my house , be it kitchen or dining room or hall .To top it all there are persons peering into my bedroom and rest room!The Govt allows it or does it or is turning a blind eye .They read my diary apart from reading my mind.The fact that my mind is read is shown by enactments or make total strangers mouth it ! Isn't this right out of a horror movie?This aspect freezes my mind in panic and blocks my free thinking process .

One popular person whose  katha kalathshebhams are avidly heard  keeps telling with wonder how one of god's greatest gift to mankind is that one cannot read another persons thoughts. Will he believe me that such a gift taken for granted by all has been forcibilly taken away from me and that horrific fact  is rubbed on me with  a lot of derision on and off for the past 10 years?He or any one reading this will not believe this since if they did it will strike terror in their hearts .Does this really happen? Aern't we a free society and democratic country?Are all the human rights sham?It is not for a major lot but for few persons like me and the claustrophobic life i am leading since 2012 is real.There could be other persons who are subjected to this sort of torture but  they may not know that there life is being trifled with.

Even a Afghan woman  under Taliban is freer than me.she has to wear purdah only outside her house whereas i was terrorrised that is a hindu woman with knowledge of Law,  in 50' s,to be constantly covered in my own house and not even bare my body even whilst bathing .This was done after blasting my forhead in 2012 and thus putting the fear in me that  my body  in my house with my husband and son around[without their knowledge] could be invaded by strangers at will .And continued the advantage gained viz my attention and fear by tapping on ceiling when i was changing clothes or bathing  etc.Laws, morals and rights be damned.

I was and am expected to write on the lack of rights to Muslim women and  atrocities on SC 's and Muslim men.It is ok for political masters to show a very kind human face in such matters becuase they live in a realm much much above than mine .Where as i am living  in the ground level  for the past 10 years, I have faced hostile glares , derision , contempt and disregard and even abuses from the above mentioned persons and yet i am expected to forgive and forget and write sob stories and hold thier hands on their bertherns miserable conditions.when it hits the head lines'.

I am in the receiving end of  hostility from poor to middle class living around me .One muslim family which is well to do ,has  for the past 10 years would look up at me only to glare at me.I wouldn't bother if they didn't recognise me but they would make it a point to glare at me if i come in thier vision.When this is  the actual reality of my position in here amongst the favourites of liberals would i feel like writing about thier plight ?even if i did write owing to suggestions and deploying vile tactics like shaking my heart  deliberately ,would it be respected?

Our SC maid it clear that though i gave her good legal advise and spent hours drafting a document for her for free ,that she  respects and  has  regards  for Brahmin woman neighbour  who feeds crow with freshly cooked rice early each morning working for her individual self and has only stubborn disdain for me.and my public spiritedness and sees it as  patronising and unwanted.In her eyes and several like her have a fixed notion of how a brahmin woman should be so as to command their respect.The problem is that I am expected to earn such persons respect by changing my routine. at the cost of raising my BP.Is it worth it? It is too late in my life to change my routine so that SC's would stop glaring and start saluting me .I could frankly give a damn whether they viz SC's respect me or not.   The motivation to do so is laughable.If i am expected to change my leisurely life to a quick and alert one I should be appointed to some Commission  or to Rajya sabha .                                                                       To expect me to forgo my leisurely life and switch back to the hectic pace of my school or college days or to the life  in earlier days of marriage  when i was up at 5 to send children to school and husband to office and also fit in my work then I should have  a good motivation to do so .It is comic that if i switched back to that furious pace at this age i would be rewarded  by salutes  by a line of sanitary workers with brooms ,wagons and phenyl with respect and that recognition should be my motivation, is totally absurd.

Each month during Amavasai the halla bula created  around me is unbelivable.First i ll be provoked to rave against the govt .authorities etc for torturing me with microwaves even if i tend to forget it , salt will be rubbed and my anger will be kept alive.Then the caste upholders  in my case viz the fourth caste will during Amavasai   frown upon my going out in the mornings and jeer by foisting their customs upon us .  In our house hold[Brahmin] it is the custom of men viz husband who would tell mantras to the pitrus and offer til and water .It is his very personal karma .I that is a wife has no role in it  unlike the fourth caste men who have no mantras or rituals for Amavasai  , The men have to offer vadai to pitrus.A wife is needed to make that vadai.

My presence is of no consequence in amavasai rituals done by my husband  .But during the annual Davasam-which are eloborate rituals for departed anscetors conducted with help of priests my presence is a must to start the ceremony  by lighting the twigs in homa kund  . If i were to gallavant around then [which i do not], without performing that important ritual then it makes sense for Hindu dharma upholders to   pass criticism on my conduct.   

Next since 2014 i am being persuaded to leave Hindu ways .Just before every festival i would be made to feel depressed that is jamming my forehead .I would even get fever.This was never the case before 2012.I am expecting fatigue and fever before Deepavali which is around the corner. This has become a regular feature. Who would like me to be dissuaded from following a normal Hindu  way of life ?It could only be by persons from other two communities that prize conversion .After doing all this to me i am expected to emphathise with thier lot!   

I cannot leave my Hindu way of life so that the burkha clad harrindans with fierce looks and aggression writ large on thier face  i keep seeing in my walks  will grin at me. These women exude hatred .Most of them are grim faced and ugly.I  often  wonder whether they wear burkha so that they can mask their sour and bitter looks ?as otherwise their own men would get revolted of them  and babies would scream in fear .

Nor can i leave my need to refill my knowledge on worldly affairs , so as to please some gospel dispensing Christian woman who look down upon me like as if i am a worm and gossipy serial seeing Hindu house wives and spend my time in prayer, prayer and prayer and spin like a top in  the kitchen and shed tears at front of the tv. .

Of the lot i keep coming across to get my daily dose of glares and stares it is women in Burkha and sometimes thier men in casual clothes  that is -in pant shirt and dark young lads and sometimes  their middle aged dark women relatives ,whose stares are the worst. They are  full of hate and aggression. Some  are  strangers and some are known  .                                                                                                                                               So it is perfect sham and totally perverted thinking and action to make me write about people who have  scant respect for me and who top it up with pure hostility.

Of late I am expected to write about integeration in our society between various communities .It is fine in upper realms  but not ok where i live viz on the ground Since 2012 i have been deliberately socially dis integerated from all communities around me .Those who want me write anecdotes on integeration know it, yet they expect me to write touchingly on such matters and expect me to hide the truth and gloss it over !Another joke ! A cruel insensitive one!

I am expected to write and hold hands with people whom i see every day in various shades of inexplicable hostility and disrespect.Inexplicable because those who show it are all the sort who would have never read my blogs or have the capacity to understand my english writings.so what are they angry  at me for ?Maybe they were sent by thier educated bosses who must be  equally hostile towards m e.

Seeing so much disrespect towards me i have developed this attitude --why should i bother about such people's issues ?Or lack of their rights .It only hardens me further.towards the very persons I am expected to empathise.

Even the poorest of poor woman may have a sense of privacy ownership and being the sole mistress of her small mud hut!I donot have this luxury.How can i agitate or wax eloquently on others rights?It is sheer perversity that makes persons offer suggestions to write on such topics .

I would have pointed out the evils in Hindu society, shown empathy etc [i have always been indifferent to other communities issues because I am just not bothered about them  even before these stares and glares but did have sympathy for SC which has also been wiped off clean by thier constant hostility} had i been the woman i was once with free and  and original  thinking, confident of myself,trusting govts, having faith in laws, social morality and ethics and absolutely sure of my privacy and secure in  family's warmth, trust and affection.

After 2012 when my entire world collapsed and all my rights and, emotional security were taken away and continues as such. How can I champion woman's rights or social reforms in Hindu society or Indian society? I myself need help to restore mine.I can't even do puja in peace, celeberate festivals or visit a temple without hurdles. My mind is constantly occupied by ways and means to overcome interruptions in my daily puja and and am full of doubts whether i can go out for a walk, shopping in a natural manner or visit temples without hurdles and nastiness  With constant group stalking i am only bothered about ways to elude it .                                                                                                                                                                     I was a an empowered woman till 2012 but have become totally disempowered and continue to do so for 10 years , then how can i talk on a high plane like reforms,rights,freedom, integeration etc when i have been scared out  my basic rights.I cannot bathe and dress without looking over my shoulders, I cannot eat my food in peace since there are  constant suggestions and messagings .I cannot  offer a simple prayer in sanskrit and meditate for few seconds without interruptions in forhead.

Historical figure?

 I often wondered as to how just a few amongst crores of people who have lived  and died over the centuries find a place in history and some of whom lodge themselves firmly in the memories of succeeding generations.There were thousands of kings, philosophers, poets,reformers but jut a few stand out.When  i read history in college the enormous number of people who are recorded in history made my head whirl  . But in popular parlance or common memory it is only few who stand out .What made them exceptional?Was it their energy to conquer kingdoms after kingdoms in case of kings or the courage of philosophers, scientists, reformers  to stick to thier unique views on being convinced of its efficacy and truth in it despite having to face aggressive opposition .                                                                                   

I also wondered whether I would make it to this list in my teens!Will i make it to the pages of history?But there was nothing unique about me.I wasn't a queen or a bold activist or invented some new formula.Over the years i got over this yen and forgot it.  

I again now wonder whether i might one day may make it to pages of history .Ego trip? Maybe .

OK if at all i do get recorded in history   would it because of my  lineage is unique [as written in my profile] so is hundreds of people in this country.                                                                                      Or would it be because by  accident or fate whatever one may call it i came on the net in my middle age and started publishing my views.This is also nothing extra ordinarily unique.There could be persons older than me taking to the net to express their views.or maintain a blog etc as a memorial or as a tribute to dear ones who have passed away .                                                                                               Or would i be feted for translating some Slokas of Sri Vaishnavaite acharyas  and Pasurums of Azhwars?The web is full of translations of erudite SriVaishnavaites who have attained knowledge directly from acharyas unlike me and maintain exhaustive collection of translations of Vedas, Slokas , Pasurums, Epics .Vishnu Sahasarnamum in superb English in a mission mode.So that is also ruled out.

But there is one unique distinction i do have as of now which could fructify my teenage fantasy.

Am i not the first woman to document or write and blog extensively and frankly about the no touch evidence less torture i was subject intensely in 2012 for 3 weeks and later in 2014 for 3 weeks  by our own dear governments [micro audio wave torture and iron shower] when i was 55and 57   years old respectively and survived the attack on  my nerves to tell the tale in my blog?                                     That i retained my mental balance though every trick was tried to show me as a nut.                                 Did i not and find out on my own from Net that such tortures do exist all over the world not only in Dictatorships but also in Democracies.The only difference is that in democracies some  of the victims[ like a victim who was in US navy] who are aware of what is being done to them are allowed to write and blog and publish it. 

Who knows one day or the other when the truth is out about how govt agencies target those who are embarrasing the govt or put it in a spot will be out , then i maybe celeberated as a Pioneer -the first woman victim of no touch evedenceless torture in telling the world and India the sordid truths of the deep dark state that is  soaked with sadism ,.

I donot rule out the role of persons unconnected with the govt for deploying such weapons on me as well. Some of them are advertised  in  the net ,Their dirty deeds, exploitation and constant nipping will be uncovered one day or the other. Here to i will be the pioneer.

Fall of Panjshir.

 After a long gap i walked on the terrace for excersise .The long gap was  owing to  fever and fatigue that gripped me for 2 weeks after Kabul airport was bombed .Maybe i was immobolised and was made  to suffer bodily pains ,fever ,and crammed up forehead etc due to Daadi peedaigals dirty deeds  there  in  Afganisthan ,by our gadjet gurus here.I wrote volumes of pages egged on by high decibel music from     adjacent temple festival one whole day at the end of August and was given repreive only when i wrote that Indian Muslim women in burkhas were much better off  and freer than those in Afganisthan.

Whilst walking , suddenly i was thinking of  dirty dusty daadi dharidrangal viz Talibans in Afganistan.If i switch on news channels one set shows only disease stalking India like Wuhan peedai, nipah, dengue etc whilst the other shows only the daridhrangal of Afganistan with various types of daadi's .So not much choice in watching news .Disease and Daadis.

The only silver lining was the sticker in one channel that showed that vaccination had reached 75 crores !Remarkable.! This was great news .As per original plan only 30 crore seniors would have been vaccinated by September but now double the number of people were vaccinated .This is  twice the number.

So up there I was all of a sudden thinking of the talibans .Do they merit my writing about them?Are they earth shaking news like Corona?Then i thought of the fall of Panjshir and the way my heart sank on hearing about it.Immediately a pigeon flew away flapping its wings loudly and i heard a distant call of a kite  .

I was watching the dirty daadi's show with interest only when the Northern alliance put up a resistance .I was cheering them .the way i did back in Porur  during Taliban 1 when I was living in a independant house with my own independant thoughts views and feelings without any suggestions from outside to my sub conscious or provocations unlike here in T Nagar.I felt sorry then exactly the way i felt now when the  leader of the resistance-NA got killed.

When Panjshir fell due to  paavi perverts from Pakistan i lost interest in Afganistan.Why didn't India help NA / Panjshir to retain its independance?

written on 12.9.21

Torture diary.

 I promised to maintain a diary recording the  no touch evidenceless tortures i keep facing on and off but fell back because it is boring to write about my daily tortures  like a sharp sting in my left eye or pain gripping my left knee or having a series of uncontrollable hiccups or the uncomfortable feeling on my forhead being pressed for few moments or minutes these days as i have learnt to tackle these by tuning my head , body and limbs or moving away from that place.and it will go off .So what is there to write about it since it has become part and parcel of my life for the past 10 years.

When i am given big tortures I wouldn't even know it is being given since I would be in a feverish daze with everything in me stiffening in deep fatigue viz my alertness ,and my ability to reason it out .I would be moving like a robot through my daily activities for days together .It could last upto 3 weeks.Then this grip over my head , dumping of my forhead , sore throat or mild tooth ache or fever will stop would stop suddenly and i ll be back to normal and only then would I realise that i was given a big torture .This could be given either to curb my mobility or to extract some writing from me .When they are satisfied then the torture would be removed and the relief would be so great that i would forget the discomfort and nagging pain instantly and not bother to analyse its cause or write about it.

Writing is normally extracted from me by first giving me a fatigued feeling and then control the noise around me.The noises would include the following --Flash cricket  playing near my compound or in the opposite maidan with a lot of boisterous shoutings and sudden cessation of it or banging the iron gas cylinders whilst loading and unloading or playing shrill music on loud stereos the way it was done during recent temple festival etc. Amidst this suggestions will be given to me on what i should write like as it is my thought when i am relaxing viz bathing or use the rest room or sleeping.

M y big tortures generally occur when parliament is in session or when PM visits US  or some important country.Of late that is since few years back the tactics to keep me out of causing  mischief has changed it involves engaging me in series of activities like visiting dance concerts non stop [before Corona]or translating or learning slokas , Pasurums etc .When i am doing it with great interest i would think at the middle why am i doing this , but would continue and suddenly when par session is over the the kick i was getting from these activities will also stop abruptly making me feel deflated and become limp  like a balloon without gas .

Abhisekam of utsvar at Vardharajar temple .

 Few weeks  back visited Vardarajar temple at Kanch puram on a week day since on  weekends the temple remains closed due to Covid regulations.

This time was lucky to see the abhisekam of Utsavar --processional deity of Varadar  ,and his two consorts -Sri Devi and Bhoo Devi.All three are small .Slightly bigger than dolls.Varadar was taller of the three .He was wrapped in a white dhoti along his waist whilst His consorts were wrapped fully with sarees.They were placed on a table right opposite to the towering Moolavar who was several feet away.who was hidden from view by a curtain.His darshan could be had only after the abhisekam of utsavars was over .

It is poignant to see the perforated cheeks of utsavar Varadhar .It is as moving as the dented face of  utsvar [-namperumal] of Sri Ranganathar at Sri Rangam temple.They both have stood the ravages of time , the perforations and dents on their faces a testimony to the long period of time they have been worshipped.

There was a sizeable crowd craning their necks to get a glimpse of the bathing of the idols.When the bhatacharya applied sandal paste lovingly to all the 3 vigrahams and placed a tulsi garland around thier necks and showed camphor arti  ,the crowd went ectastic and chanted loudly Govinda! Govinda ! Govinda propelling me to do the same .Their devotion was infectious ,much more than that of that wretched Corona .There was a lot of  jostling and excited noise when the priest poured the water  from a pitcher sanctified by Vedic Mantras over the utsvars..

In such excited babbles and anxiety to get a good view of the abhisekham heard a melodious recital .which had a calming effect.A group of veda pandits were rendering Purusha sooktaum in a calm unhurried manner in musical tones .This was as cooling to hear  as to see  the sanctified water being poured over the idols.A sense of tranquility descended ,and earthly matters seemed trivial.

This abhisekam ritual has two interpretations known to me. Bhagwans essence is enshrined in all His idols.Since He is our custody he is taken care of  like a child  viz bathing , dressing and so on .

The second is that Bhagwan is so accesible to his devotees that he lets us see his sacred form head to foot without robes and ornaments covering it,[except for a cloth around his waist] in the pretext of taking a bath..

After this was over the curtains hiding Moolavar from view was drawn back and we were allowed to walk up the few steps carved on the hill stands and get a close view of His majestic form.Varadar is tall and hefty.He has a wonder ful smile on His face and He exudes happiness that pervades the sanctum .I smiled back and felt happy.

His unadulterated joy writ all over His face lips and eyes [which is not fully covered by thirumun unlike Srinivasar] reminded me of His avatar as Sri Krishna, who made every one happy with his mischief ,pranks and practical advises.

Though He towers over all with His fearsome weapons  viz mace , chakra  and conch , Varadar has a happy countenance and a engaging smile that draws one closer to him fearlessly like as if He is a close friend,who would never harm but only invigorate and infuse confidence even to those who  are for the first time having a glimpse of His form/Moorthy.

Varadar's darshan is a happy moment .

Tripurasuran.

 Saw tourist guide of Tripura on RSTV and so looked it up in the net. Its capital is very small , smaller than  medium towns here and scarcely any traffic.So is Gauhati the capital of Assam.

Having lived in sprawaling Metros full of traffic all my life that i find it amusing that such small towns are called cities in North East.

Tripura has a place called Unkoti which means less than one crore..It has rock carvings of Siva and 1000's of Devas  deep inside a jungle.The carvings is said to depict the thousands of Devas who were slayed by the Asura Tripurasuran in days gone by .

I remembered the meanings of  Swamy Desikan's sloka on Sudarshana Chakra in which Tripurasuras are  mentioned  and that Sudarshana [an avatar of Vishnu]became a arrow which Siva left  from his bow to kill the 3 Asuras .

So all this took place in Tripura since such carvings are found nowhere else in India.

This tiny state unknown to many now .was well known in distant past , as the events mentioned in Puranas have been recorded in stone.in there.

It is fashionable to brush aside stories from Puranaas as myths woven with fantastic legends .with show of super human powers.Even i have this tendency.But seeing those carvings in Tripura the home of Tripurasurans as stated in Puranas , maybe several events mentioned in Puranas did take place .

-                      ---------------------------------

                                        ASURAS.

Asuras as per our hoary traditions were within the  Vedic fold and followers of Vedas who have gained immense power by performing homamas, yagnas and  from intense Tapas and use it for wicked purposes.

They were  not aboringes or indigenous people with different beliefs , the way it is being wrongly portrayed these days.

          _______________________