Transformer.

Two days back electricians were fiddling with the transformer near my bedroom.The jarring  scraping sound of metal  worked upon by metallic saw and sparks flying from a joint stopped thereafter .The stereo fonic tapping's on my ceiling that can be compared to the piercing jabs administered by mahouts with their sharp and small axes on the elephants they ride to control it  lost its intensity and became muffled.I think it was on the  day-Saturday ,late in the morning that  the much touted ordinances  on graft was sought to be hurried through ,was  being considered but dropped by the cabinet in the evening   and news flashed that elections would be announced soon.
                                                                                                                           .I wrote my diary that morning after a lapse of nearly 10 days ! The trigger was the killing of policemen by naxals in Chattisgarh and i linked that news item in the daily to my blog on big brother because of the earlier genuine link and felt absolutely frustrated at being constantly needled so as to vent my emotions directly on the blog which is public ,[which normally i never would do so ], that could be detriment to others lives and wished fervently that a strong leader  would emerge in the coming elections who would wipe out this Maoist menace that is eating lives and development ,from India and ended it saying had enough of their deadly harkatens--mischiefs.By writing this first thing in the morning on a crucial image makeover day ,probably i signalled the end of this regime hence the futility to  who ever was fondly nursing a dramatic comeback .I suppose the carefully stoked aggression went haywire and boomeranged.Soon after i wrote this the maid washed the stairs symbolically,   since she does  it only on Sundays and left my portion in the landing with the kolam [rangoli] intact, whilst washing off  2 other neighbours.

So part of my torture is over .Some sick politician was bent on screwing my mind non stop to derive inspiration/josh  with a sickening perversion from my latent aggression stoked to exploding point deliberately by constant provocations that reached its peak in the kharbode incident  that conveniently co incided with  the prolonged  indecisiveness in  govt formation in Delhi by AaP. Hope that creep goes to hell.In comparison,the other tortures sort of pale into insignificance.[ on reading this nectar must be flowing into pf/ kgb and co 's beings[worthless /spineless /conscience less scums]  for providing the proof of their loyalty and sycophancy to their political masters-

The next part of my torture  viz constantly watching my every move through cameras should be at the most 2 months away  when this govt concedes defeat ad the next takes over with the hope that the next one would have a confident leader at the helm who wouldn't take recourse to such or continue with this shady practise that is at once  demeaning to any  person leading the country of a billion as well as dehumanising a citizen.

If  the utterly ethic less media persists  i 'll get a private electrician to remove the spy cams bugs etc who will be amenable without the threat of a central agency hanging over his head.Even if that fails ofcourse there is the police ,amenable and considerate politician,etc.yeah yeah ppts jump in joy i have mentoned you all at least once favourably and indicated  my slight inclination to surrender to the almightyswrapped in their own importance tch tch  what a fall what a fall or rather what a insecurity  that needs constant reassurance from a very ordinary person like me and you ppts are supposed to lead us all fearlessly from the front !

There is a saying in Tamil --Passithalum puli pulai thinadhu  meaning A tiger will not eat grass even if it is starving.Hope  this saying  holds good to the next supreme political cum   governmental  leader of this country.

Big brother.

Read about 'thought police' and room number '101'.--Orwell's observation .It appears to be a fantastic scenario but its application  is very possible and very realistic.It is precisely  what is happening to me in this supposedly free and democratic country.under the malignant eyes of many ,benign eyes of some and indifferent eyes of many.

The real KGb's would  be outclassed or have they found refuge in here?.

Note .. i wanted to remove that tag line but am not able to or am being prevented from doing so by who else but the thought police .with some inner agenda to exploit my blog posts for  political gains either domestic or internationally.So i request my viewers to read my profile instead and bear in mind that with all my protests and refusal to act as middle class preception i am being used as one by politicians and assorted groups with constant nudging, through thought policing .

A crazy experiment is being conducted on me.I was broken down  by thought police and then systematically built up as a 14 year old .My golden age , that of a social, human , patriotic, cosmopolitan, arguing in favour of equality to women',interested in histry, lively, frank ,happy , innocent imaginativeand intersted in modernisation that is development of india all fished out from my well presved diaries.All the memories of my adulthood viz long  married life ,bereavment was sought to be swabbed clean of my memory slate by constant emotional and physical isolation frm husband and second son as well as from
  other relatives and friends and worked upon continuosly non stop [they have taken upper flat and many others around me] aided may be by my depression/mental ailment at my son's sudden death either due to medical negligence or due to shadowy political tugs to please thier minority electorate or both , to appear as an excessively humane' person ,since i am on the net and refused to join political party and  joined only when i was put in a long  line of guilt traps  [many  real ,some fake] but didnot actively participate nor was i  welcomed to do so ,to turf out the ruling party that is finding itself in doldrums but yet has in  its grip  all the official machinery  ,by some one in extraordinary power,clueless to the ticking's of a modern well adjusted higher middle class  youth born and bred in indian soil , fascinated by that non existent --long dead 14 year old highly likeable girl,to turf it out in sticky situations and for a makeover that is viewed by who ever is fascinated  as the one and only model of  a typical well adjusted broad minded indian youth .Ridiculous!The changes that have taken place since 1971 in india and  my own life are very may to be so easily wished away.

That which i was  doing voluntarily on my own that is expressing my views,  tinged by  subjectivity, on public affairs ,foreign affairs ,history etc when i first started to blog is of late for past 2years  started to be forcibly tweaked by such shameful techniques that  it made me revolt against this shadowy operation in disgust --i wasn't  approached directly  because my middle class perception was neither in tune with ruling dispensation or that party or the media nor that of the oppositions in several cases. but even in such cases  when it was in consonance i was never approached with a straight forward request even then pshycological pressures were applied .This deceit and arrogance of power and wealth strenghtenes my resolve to be on guard always and not to fall prey to the designs of interested groups--could be religious , media houses  and politicians .

Can one be a 14 year old all through one's life?The wishful thinking of  perverts.Totally against nature.

Poor youngsters of this country.If  they come to know of this bitter truth about their icons,  of their arrogance and money power they'll commit suicide enmasse.All those educated hard working tax paying  normal  youths [who have no animosity towards me]reading this and my earlier accounts in Sujataism of my  brain washing  by authorities as well as nastying and exploitation by media etc will find a knife twisting in thier hearts as it is impossible for any son to think even for a second of their mother's[ not in politics] in similar situation.Even aap, as well as  most other partys are  in this.What a  blow! Whom will they trust?
  .
Much water has flown and frankly it is all those experiences , some good some bad and the retention of the memory of those experiences that renders a person  /me to be whole ,by wiping it off  would make one /me robotic ,fit only to be remote controlled by cold calculating inhuman tyrants.Truly Orwellian.

Note:The left and its extremities have clearly set a precedent in thought policing  [of which most of us would have become aware of ,only due my blogging of my own experience as a victim] which right and its extremities would also  be tempted to follow.
                                                                                                I for one am a strong believer in the doctrine of Karma ,having experienced and seen its impartial workings in my life and in those around me.It does work , but at its own pace.I have lived long enough and gone through a lot ,out of the ordinary to speak of karma so confidently.

   

Srirangam- tour diary 21.2.14 friday

Visited Vellarai a divya desam .few kms away in the morning landscape near it was dry with a lot of rice mills but the village around the temple is   modern and  presents a clean and nice picture a relief from Sri rangam that has open drains flowing along well metalled roads except in the highly sanitised area in  the temple complex..
The pujaris were however odious.The practises they subjected us near the sacred sanctum was total abhacharam  -meaning it was not in consonance with etiquettes of religious rituals one normally associates in such holy and hoary places.

It was deliberate ofcourse ,yet such wantonness s or such an offensive conduct that  was so contrary to established cultural ,social and religious practises, that to in a temple sanctified by visit of azhwars in 8 the cent ad, that its brazenness can be  possible only with direct intervention of politicians who are either

                                       1. shameless Hindu's or                                                                                  2.shameless  atheists or                                                                                                                        3.shameless ones who belonging  to other religions who have scarce respect for Hindu traditions.

Finally It is those archaka's who were shameless to bend .But they are also ordinary mortals and not saints or scholars and like all the rest fear politicians.

However this incident like several before made me wonder that had i belonged to another faith and was in similar situation  viz blogging and provoking without any animus would the politicians dared to order those presiding over the respective religious places of worship to give me a obnoxious treatment when i am visiting such places to derive solace and peace ,that is contrary and offensive against their respective religious practises?

Boarded noon train on to a a ramshackle carriage near the engine that constantly blew its loud horn.After lapse of few hours  had a overwhelming desire to write about T.bill , tour etc and the train slowed down as i fished out my notebook .The constant glares of dime a dozen participants in the crowded  second class carriage and the provocation at the vellarai temple made me want to write and hopefully create some confusion in the last day of the parliament  .

I know that it would be instantly relayed  and the train would be halted till i finished because of my earlier experiences in train travel in recent times.When i wrote in train on return trip from Udipi the train was halted and its contents used even before i landed at Chennai and the same was true on my recent trip from visiting satyagala in Mysore.That was in the splendid isolation of second class ac in fully deserted coaches that had lulled me .
Power lurked at the tip of my fingers.Revenge is sweet and i was terribly tempted to throw a spanner in the political going on's in the par.  1. I could understand Cong's selfish move on bifurcation but not bjp's stand of playing along .They could have stood their ground and brought some amendments to assuage the seemandras. 2.I wanted to expose the crocodile tear being shed by Cong on release of ltte .why did they  deliberately let it happen ?rajiv's own family members were indifferent till now what with his own daughter forgiving etc one of his terrorists/killers and then now blame jj for releasing them.All politics. Beyond my understanding.At a personal level am glad that she nastied cong .she has the political power that i lack to avenge .

I looked around .The carriage was full and a toddler was getting restless.The train was a very long one and was filled to brim with people eager to reach their destination as quickly as possible with dozens of responsibilities as important as the next .This acted as a douche of cold water and made me realise that by being provoked i am squarely falling into the hands of politicians for their selfish goals.Not one of of them is bothered about me or of all those passengers.

If i wrote i would be behaving exactly like them. that of using power only for selfish aggrandisement.In my case the satiated feeling of sweet revenge , clearing of my mind a reprieve from constant prodding by kgb and co and blissful peace.

It would take me hours to write it all out [vomit  out the never ending confessions  spiced with the much looked forward to -imagination]  and the train will halt and halt.and the unsuspecting  passengers will swallow any excuse given by the authorities and wait it out.But by knowing that the delay could be very well because of me i couldn't get myself to be the source of such distress and deceit that all of them would be subject to.

So fought back that well provoked  literally unstoppable urge [result of truth serum or other techniques?].to write and allowed it to trouble my mind till i de boarded.

I am writing all this on 22.2.14 from my flat after reaching it yesterday night.

To fight such tactics to elicit confessions one needs determination . In my case the determination came about because i couldn't put my peace and welfare above 100's of co passengers travelling in that train .My inconvenience and peace of mind was necessary but not at the cost of inconvenience of so many fellow travellers .
They 'll never know my sacrifice but i do and that mattered to me and that made me decide and stick to it.