Photos of flowers and landscape.

 

Vadakalai Satrumurai --Meanings.

After reciting slokas or performing archana or  aaradhana of Saligramam or at end of auspicious events  in house holds and in temples the puja is completed by showing camphor aarti to the  pictures and idols of deities and saligramam  

Then the following Sanskrit slokas in praise of Vishnu , Pasurums  and Sanskrit slokas in praise of Ramanujar  and Desikan and Tamil verses in praise of Swamy Desikan are recited by one and all .On the completion of this recital obsceince is paid to the deities by getting  down on one's knees[women] or lying flat [by men only] doing namaskaram.

This recitation of select  Slokas and Pasurums one after the other is known as Satrumurai.They are as follows.-

 The following mantra from Rig veda is recited when Camphor aarti is shown to the deities on completion of the puja--

Thath Vishno: Paramam padam ,sadha pashyanthi soorya:| Thweeva sakshurathatham| 

The wise and true seekers realise the Lord through meditation within their own self. They see Him vividly as the eye ranges over the sky.

Thathvipraso  vipanyavo jaakroovaam sas saminthathe'| Vishnor yeth paramam padham||  

By transcendental meditation and pious acts the vigilant seeker of truth realises the All pervading God within the innermost cavity , the Supreme abode of the Lord.

Another meaning of the above Mantra --

The Nithya soories  eulogise the sacred body of the Lord of Vaikuntum, the reward of Mukthas with fully blossemed gyanam and they enjoy that Lord without any interruption.

 Bharyapathya anathrayaya sarvasthomo|

Adhirathtra muthama maharbhavathi sarvasyaapthyai

Sarvasya jithyai sarvameva thenaapnothi sarvam jayathi.||

                                  Satrumurai.

1.Sitran siru kale vandhu unnai sevithu,un potra maraiadiye potrum porrul kellai,

petram meithu unnum kulathil pirandha nee,kutravel yengalai kollamal poghadhu ,

ittrrai parai kollvaan andru kaan Govinda,yettraikum yezh yezh piravikkum unthanodu

utrame yaavom unnake naam aat seivom mattrai num kamangal maatrelorembavai .......                                                                                                                       [29 th Pasurum from Thirupavvai by Andal]

Do listen to the reason behind us all praising Your lotus like golden  feet , so early in the morning.

You have taken birth in a clan that makes a living by grazing cows.

Donot commit the crime of not accepting our devotion towards You.

We have come seeking a boon from You today after keeping our penance for a long period of time.

  Govinda ! The boon we seek is that in all our 7/7 births and in all Your avatars we should have a close relationship with You.

We will serve none other than You.

Please remove all the desires that contradict and deviates  our above mentioned prayers and  objectives of  our penance.

Expla--The main boon sought by the young girls who are keeping a month long penance is to render services to the sacred feet of Sri Krishna alone for all times to come in all their 7/7 births and in all His avatars.

 

2.Vanga kadal kadaindha Madhavanai Kesavanai thingal thirumugathu seyezhaiyaar sendru irrainjee,

Anga parai konda vatrai anni pudhuvai paing kamala thuntherial Bhattar piran Kodhai sonna,

Sanga Tamizh maalai muppadhum thappame ingu ip parisuraipaar,yeer yirandu maal varai thol,

Sengann thiru mugathu selvath Thirumaalaal yengum thiru arul petru inburuvaar yembavai! ......

                                                                                          [30 th Pasurum of Thirupavai by Andal]

The legend of moon like bright faced damsels adorned in ornaments , keeping penance and seeking boons  from Madhavan alias Kesavan , who once churned the milky ocean for Amurthum , is related by Andal hailing from Sri Valliputhur,

She is the daughter of Bhattar Piran.[Periazhwar]She decorates herself with cool and pleasant garland of lotuses.

Those who recite all the above 30 hymns written in Sanga Tamil [ancient Tamil] will derive lasting bliss showered on them by the red eyed handsome four shouldered,ever  auspicious Sriman Narayana.

Expla --The above Pasurum refers to the benifits that accrue on reciting all 30 Pasurums of Thirupavai.

 

3.Pallandu pallandu pallayirathandu pala kodi nooraayirum,

Mallanda thinthol Manivanna ! Un sevvadi  sevvee thirukaapu.-----[first Pasurum from Pallandu by PeriaAzhwar]

For several years, several more years ,

For several thousands of years and for crores of lakhs of years ,

The strong shouldered blue hued victor of wrestlers,!May Your reddish sacred feet be well protected.

4.Adiyomodum Ninnodum pirrevindree aayiram pallandu,

Vadivai Nin vala marbil vaazhginra Mangaiyum pallandu,

Vadivaar jothi valathuraiyum sudar  Aazhiyum pallandu ,

Padaiporukku  muzhnagum ap Panjya Sanniyamum pallande.---   [Pasurum 2  of Pallandu By Peria Azhwar]

Swamy ! We , Your devoted followers hope and pray that we remain inseparable from You for several crores  of  lakhs years to come,

And that Mahalakshmi who has brought lustre to Your sacred form by residing permanently on the right side of Your chest continues to do so  for several crores of lakhs  of years,

That the bright and glowing Chakra held in Your sacred  right hand and that Conch known as Panchajanya which roars in wars , continues to do so for several crores of lakhs of years !

 

5.****Thirumagalum thiruvadivum thiruarullum thell arivum.

Arumai illamaiyum uravum allapu ariya adi arasum,

Karuma azhipu, allipu, amaipung kalakam illa vagai nindra ,

Arul Varadhar nillai illakil ambu yena naan amizhindhen.........[.Prabandham 10 of Adaikala pathu By Swamy Desikan ]

Varadhar never separates from Lakshmi even for a few seconds .

He has a sacred form that steals the heart of any one who sees Him.

He is full of compassion towards those who have surrendered to Him.

He knows every thing,

He is easily accessible to His devotees,

He has all Chetanas as His body,

Since time immemorial He has been ruling the entire world,

He creates,  protects and destroys everything .

The above qualities will never depart from the highly compassionate Varadhar,

I have immersed myself totally in such compassion like a arrow reaching its target,

And I have become inseparable from His sacred feet. 

  6.****Aarupayan veru illa adiyavargal anaivarkum,

Aarum adhan payanum  ivai oru kalum palakalum,

Aaru payan yenave kandu Arullalar adiyinai mel,

Kooria nalguna uraigal ivai paththum   kodilave. ..... [.Pasurum 11 0f Adaikalapaththu  By Swamy Desikan ]

All those devotees who have no other means except to surrender at the feet of Sriman Narayana need to seek refuge at His sacred feet only once.But the fruits reaped from this surrender is attainment of Moksham which can be experienced without limitations of Time. 

Moksham can be enjoyed thoroughly at all times,

Having grasped the above truth these 10 Pasurums that praise Varadhar are blemishless.

        

7.****Vannul amarndhavarukkum varundhu varum nilai thaan ullanai,

Ughakum tharam ingu namakku ulladhe!

Goon ulla    nenjugalal kutram yenni igazhdhidinum,

Th'en ulla padhamalar   Thirumalukku thithikume .  ...........[.Pasurum 55 of Adhikarsangiragam  By Swamy Desikan]

Even Indran and Devas as well as Nithya Soories who reside permanently in Vaikuntum find it difficult to adhere to the penances mentioned in this Prabhandham   .

I am lucky to have been bestowed with the knowledge of penances  that guides a person to achieve Moksham, owing to the blessings of Acharyas.

I am also lucky to see persons who follow the Shastras and penances  in this Karma Bhoomi .

How lucky I am ! How blessed I am!

There are persons with perverted minds who claim that this Prabhandham written by me is full of faults and also sneer at me like as if I am personification of faults.

Even if some persons hate my Prabhandhams and me, I am sure that Sriman Narayana whose lotus like sacred feet is drenched with honey will relish this Prabhandham as  a delicious sweet.                                                                

8.****Vellai parimugar desikarai viragaal adiyom ullathu yezhudhiayadhu olaiyil ittanam yaam,

Idharkku yen? Kollath thuniyinum kodhu yendru igazhinum, koor madhiyeer!

Yellathanai ughavadhu ighazhaadhu yem yezhil madhiye!........[56 th Pasurum of Adhikara Sangiragam By Swamy Desikan]

Sri Hayagreeva who has a face like a white horse who  took the avatar as our Acharya has blessed me by writing all the above mentioned advise in my heart,

I wrote it down in palm leaf so that all could learn it to derive benifits.

Those with sharp intellect know that there is no scope of or any stain or blemish in these Sooktums since Hayagreeva Himself has delivered all  that is enunciated in this Prabhandham.

If you all can grasp the beauty and importance of these Pasurums and accept it my tranquil heart will not rejoice.

Or even if you all reject the Pasurums and despise it, my tranquil heart will not hate you.

9.****Vaiyagam yenn Poigai, Bhoodham,Pei Azhwar, Mazhisaiyar kone, Magizh Maran, Madura kavigal

Poyyil pugazh Kozhiyoor kone, Vittu Chiththan, Poongkodhai, Thondar adi podi, Bana azhwar,

Aiyan arul Kaliyan, Ethirasar thumodu, aariruvar vor oruvar avar thaam seidha thuyya Tamizh irupathu nangin paatin thogai naalayiramum adiyongal vaazhave.......[17 th Pasurum of Prabhandha saram By Swamy Desikan]

The people of this world follow---Poigai azhwar,Bhoodhat azhwar,Pei azhwar, Thirumizhai azhwar-the leader of all residents of Thirumizhai, Nammazhwar-who wears a garland of Maghizhum flowers,Mathura kavi, Kulasekara azhwar -the ruler of people of Uraiyoor who is indestructible fame, Periazhwar, beautiful Andal, Tondar adi podi azhwar, Thiru panazhwar,Thirumangai azhwar-who is full of spiritual bliss and is like a Swamy to us and Ethirajar-the principle devotee of Sri Rramanujar,

Who are all in total 13 in number.They have blessed us with 24 Prabhandhams in chaste Tamil.

The hymns in all Prabhandhams total to 4000 Pasurums.These Pasurums are the tools for us to lead a 

good, benificial and a spiritual life.

 

10.****Andhamilaa aaranna naalaghi nindra adhan karuthai aazhwargal aindhu yeduthu,

Senthamizhil arul seidha vagai thogaiyum ,

Sandham miga Tamizh maraiyon, Toopul thondrum Vedantha Guru mozhindha Prabhandhasaaram,

Sindhaiyinaal anudhinamum sindhiporku ,

Kshemam Thirumaal thun karunaiyaale.....................[18th Pasurum of Prabhandha saaram By Swamy Desikan]

Vedas are infinite.They have been divided and classified under 4 headings  viz-Rig,Yajur, Samam and Atharvana.

Aazhwars have gathered their essence and have blessed us with Divya Prabandham in Tamil.

I, Vedantha Desikan who was born in Toopul , having learnt the Tamil Vedas viz Divya Prabhandhams of Aazhwars , and takes pride in calling myself as Tamil Vedic scholar ["Tamizh maraiyon "for learning all the Pasurums thoroughly]  has published the number of Prabhandhams  and the number of Pasurums in each Prabhandham so that no confusion or miscalculation arise regarding their count in future.

I am doing this for the benifit for the people of this world.

Those who meditate and recite this  Prabhandha saaram daily will be blessed by Sriman Narayana.

Expla--Marai means Vedas.

 

11.Thondar ugakkum thunai adi vaazhi,

Nin thoomuruval konda mugam vaazhi,

Vaazhi vyakiya muthirai kai,

Vann iru namamum vaazhi,

Mani vada mupuri nool konda ,

Seer Thoopul kulamaniye,

Vaazhi nin vadive. ........[19 th Pasurum of Pillai Andhadhi By Kumara Varadha Charya]

Rare , unique and precious gem of Thoopul clan!

Long live your two sacred feet that your devotees pay loving obscience to

Long live your face that is adorned  with a peerless smile,

Long live your hand that is in Vyakiya mudra,

Long live that namum adorning you,

Long live your divine vigraha that is adorned with namum denoting the sacred feet of Sriman Narayana,

and garlands made of tulsi and lotus beeds  and  your yajnopaveethai.[poonal]

Long live the memory of your divine self in all your devotees.

 

12.****Vadivazhagu  aartha vann Thoopul vallal men malar adi mel ,

Adiyavar vodha  andhadhi irupadhum aaindhu uraithen,

Thidamum eedhai dhinamthorum aadharithu vodhum anbhar,

mudiyidai nerpadum Thoopul amman padha malare.........[20 th Pasurum of Pillai Andhadhi By Kumara Vardacharya]

The philantropist who was born in Thoopul has a beautiful and handsome face that exudes tejas.

There can be no limit in praising the delicate lotus feet of Sri Desikan.

I have taken the essence of Shastras and have sung twenty Pasurums to enable devotees to recite them daily in a easy manner.

How can I enumerate the countless benifits that will accrue to those who recite thesesPasurums with determination and love.

Such devotees will experience Swamy Desikans's sacred feet on crown of their head and which will remain therein permanently.

There is no greater benifit to a devotee than the everlasting relationship with his acharya.This is assured to all those who meditate on these Pasurums.  

13****Mamalar manniya mangai magizhindhu urai marbhinan,

Thaal thoomalar soodia thol arul Maran adi keezh,

Vaazhvai ugakum Iramanusa muni vannmai potrum seermaiyan,

Engal Thoopul pillai paadham yen senniyadhe.............[Pasurum 1 Pillai Andhaadhi By    KumaraVardhaCharya]

Mahalakshmi who is seated on a lotus resides very happily and at all times in the chest of Maha Vishnu,

Numm aazhwar who is infinetly compassionate towards all beings spiritual growth adorns his hair in the crown of his head with the pure flowers viz Sriman Narayana's sacred feet,

Ramanuja muni who expounded sookthi's like Bhashyam for betterment of the world has won fame by taking recourse to the feet of Num Azhwar as the means as well as the fruit of his endeavours,

Sri Thoopul Desikan is full of praises of the merciful nature of Ramanujar .

The sacred feet of  our  Swamy Desikan which has so many special qualities  is decorating my hair in the crown of my head.

Note :The 4 starred viz **** Pasurums denotes the expanded version of Satrumurai  as given in Sri Desika Darasana Diary and Guide /Sri Desika Darsana Panjangam-2022 -2023.

14.Sarvadesa dhasakaalesh vavyahatha parakrama|

Ramanujacharya divyagnya varthama abhivarthatha thaam||

Let Bhagvat Ramanuja's most magnificent instructions [Sri VisishtaDwaita Philosophy and Sri Vaishnavism principles ]increase and pervade through all countries at all times without any hindrance.

 

15.Ramanuja Charia divyangya prathivasaram ujjwala|

Dhigantha vyapi nee bhooyaath saahiloka hidhaikshini||

Let Bhagvat Ramanujar's divine order grow ,each passing day with more and more brightness.

Let this order spread to all directions and confer benifits.

 

16.Sriman!Sriranga sriya manubhathrava anudhinum sumvarthaya|

Sriman!Sriranga sriya manubhathrava anudhinum sumvarthaya||

Let Sri that is Srirangam prosper and grow each day without any hindrance.

Let Sri that is  SriRangam  grow and prosper each day without any hindrance.

 

17.Namo Ramanuja charya vedanthartha  pradhayine|

Athreya padmanabhayar sudhaya gunashaline||

 

Vaazhi Thirunamum of Swamy Desikan

18.Ramanuja daya pathram gyana vairagya bhushanum|

Srimath venkata naatharyam vande vedantha Desikum.

I bow to Vedantha Desikan  who wears knowledge and convictions as ornaments .

He has Ramanujar's blessings.

He is also the avatar of Sri Venkateswara. [as Venkateswara's bell].

19.Vaazhi Ramanusap pillaan madhakavaal,

Vaazhi anni nigamantha guru-vaazhiyavan,

Maaran Maraiyum Ramanusan Bhashyamum,

Therum padi uraikkum seer. ....          .[By Kumara Vardhacharya --SwamyDesikan's son]

Hail the guru of Vedantha who prospers with the blessings of Athreya Ramanujacharya,

Hail the efficacy with which he presented  Num azhwars ThiruMozhi and Ramanujar's Bhashyam .

 

20.Vanja para samayom maatra vandhon vaazhiye!

Mannu pugazh Poodhooraan manum ugapom vaazhiye!

Kanchath Thirumangai ugakka vandhon vaazhiye!

Kaliyan urai konda karuthudaiyon vaazhiye!

Senjol Tamizh maraigal thelindhu uraipon vaazhiye!

Tirumalai maal thiru manniyay sirakka vandhon vaazhiye!

Senth Tamizh Thoopul Thiru Vengadavan vaazhiye!

Hail the one who conquered fake philosophies  and established Sri Ramanujar's Visishtadwaita philosophy unequivocally!

Hail the one who warmed the heart  of ever famous Sri Perumbudur born [Ramanujar]!

Hail the one who pleased the sacred Woman [Lakshmi] residing in the lotus [and received the tittle Sarva Tantra -Swanthanthra from Her]!

Hail the one who always has in his heart the meanings of Thiru Mangai azhwar's (6) Prabhandhams.!

Hail the one who clearly enunciated the rich and authentic Tamil Vedas known as Divya Prabhandham.!

Hail the one who was born as the great bell of the Lord of seven hills.!

Hail the one who handed us the doctrine of "Prapathi ",the great means through master pieces like Srimath Rahasya Traya Saram.!

Hail Venkatanatha of Thoopul who is master of chaste Tamil. 

21.Naanilamum thaan vaazha nangu maraigal thaam vaazha ,

Managarin Maran marai vaazha,

Gyaniyargal senni anni ser Thoopul Vedantha Desikane',

Innum oru nootrandu irrum............[.By SwamyDesikan's first disciple -Brahma tantra Swantantra  jeeyar]

May the whole world thrive.May the Vedas prosper.

May the Vedas of Num azhwar [also of other azhwars that is -Divya Prabhandham] reign in the great city of Sri Rangam.

'O 'Vedanta Desika of Thoopul who adorns the lineage of great acharyas , 

May you live for one more century!

 

22.Vaazhi anni Thoopul varum Nigamantha aasirian,

Vaazhiyavan padha aravindha malar,

Vaazhiyavan kodhilath thaall malarai kondadi kondirukkum

Theedhila nallor thirall......[By Swamy's disciple Bramha Tantra Swatantra jeeyar]

Hail the acharya of Nigamantha who hails from beautiful Thoopul.

Hail his lotus feet,

Hail the harmless group of good natured devotees who keep celeberating his spot less flower like feet.

                        Thiru naall Pattu--Birthday greetings to Swamy Desikan.

                                                     By his son Kumara Varadacharya.

23.Vaadhaasanavarar ivaryena varuma Bhashyam vagai peru naall,

Vagulla bharanna Perumaal Thamizhin vaasi arindhidu naall,

Bheda bedham brahmam yana vagai Brahmam thellivithidu naall,

Pechonruku 'Sadha Dhooshiniyai' pesia Desika naall,

Theedhagiya pala maya kalaigal chic yena vendridu naall,

Dhikku yettum pugazh Sri Bhasyathai thelliya uraithidu naall,

Odhadhodhum Vedanthariyun udayam sedhidu naall,

Uthamamana Purattasi Thiru vonam yenum naalle'. 

This is the day which signalled SwamyDesikan's propogation of Sri Bhashyam the master piece of Sri Ramanuja,who is incarnation of Adhisesha,

This is the day which beckoned the arrival of great works [by Swamy Desikan]on the Tamil Prabhandhams of Numazhwar,.

This is the day which clarified the state of Brahman by getting rid of illusions involving Bedha and Abedha  Sruti's through re-conciliatory aphormisms.[In form of Sri Bhashyam],

This is the day [Swamy Desikan] launched into offences with 'Satha Dushani' and quelled the challenge of debators.

This is the day that announced the clinical conquests of pretenders and bad elements,[By DesikanSwamy]

This is the day which augured the spreading of Sri Bhashyam to all corners,

This is the day in  which rose the genius of an Acharaya of Philosophy,

This is the great day , that is Puratasi Thiruvonam.

               _____________________________________________

References--

1.Vadakalai Nithya Anusandhanum By Sri RamaDesikacharya Swamy .Published by Lifco.

2.Sri Desika Darsana Diary and Guide--2022-2023.

Meanings From--

1.Sadagopan org.

2.Thirupavai by P.C.Acharya- TTD publications

3.Naalayira Divya Prabhandham by Kamala Kannan

4.Sri Desika Prabhamdham by Sri RamaDesikachariar Swamy.Published by Lifco.

5.www.sudd.com-Sri Desikar Devasthanam Mylapore Chennai.

6.Internet.

 

 

Photos

 

Tribute.

 The shrill and mournful cry of a eagle perched on the roof of the apartment next to ours  pierced my ears and stirred my heart as i entered my flat at noon.It was looking steadily towards  East and at times North and at times at Southern direction.It kept emitting its mournful cry for 10 minutes .

I instantly remembered  with sadness that the only surviving pilot of the horrible helicopter crash had passed away the day before.

I remember hearing its mournful cry the day after the chief of defense along with his wife and several other defense personnels died burning in a helicopter that had crashed here,in Tamil Nadu.

I felt terrible that the chief, a man from snow capped Himalayas up North had to meet his untimely end here deep down South.

It was heartening to note that people from all walks of life had lined the streets for nearly50 kms to have a glimpse of the ambulances transporting the mortal remains  of the brave men who guard us., so as to pay their respects and to register  their gratitude .

On the day of the funeral the most impactful event was the gun salute.The rhythmatic loading of cannons by smartly dressed cool headed young men and the sound of its booming blast ,that covered the entire area with thick clouds of smoke, gave a glimpse of the life army men lead , the life of constant flirtation with death, which the CDS and others accompanying him would have led.

A befitting tribute to the defenders of this country for protecting us till their last breath.

Havana Syndrome.

In a article in its  newspaper  dated 22.9.21 the Times of India  has finally acknowleged the existence of targeted micro wave  energy weapons by stating that such weapons were causing inexplicable health issues like  sudden dizziness, nausea , buzzing sound in ears ,pain leading to immobilisation to CIA agents and US diplomats around the world.

I have been blogging about the existence of such non lethal[that is they are used for causing grievous injuries and not for killing] micro wave weapons as i am a direct recipient of its terrible torture since 2012 , but Indians believe only White man's views as gospel truth.

I am sure that they have read my blogs .It has taken them 9 years to publicly acknowledge the existence of such weapons, but that to in a guarded manner.,that is quoting foreign media and US.govt.

The US govt has dismissed the symptoms as inexplicable health issues .It is acting too innocent like as if they donot know about such weapons ! They were using them since 1940.

This syndrome has said to have struck  a intelligence officer accompanying CIA boss on his recent visit to India after the Kabul bombing incident.The symptoms mentioned are all similar to what i have felt on and off since 2012 .Apart from experiencing all the pain nausea etc i also  used to hear that irritating buzzing sound several times in middle of the  night in my right ear making me wake up from sleep.At times this would follow me inside my house even during the day .From 2014 onwards i stopped hearing this .

Two reasons were given by the paper quoting sources, for some of the CIA operatives and US diplomats   to experience this inexpilicable illness.

The top reason given was that the intel's were succumbing to the side effects of the hazardous objects they use in surveilliance.

Secondly rivals of US viz Russia or China may be targetting the intel's and diplomats when they go out of US .

When i read the top reason viz illness was due to side effects of handling hazardous weapons constantly for survelliance , I felt very happy.because I can never prove this evidevce less torture unless the person himself turns up as a witness .So impossible to get justice from courts.

But they have to be punished for what they have done to me .So I am gleeful that one day or the other those handling these  weapons that emit hazardous magnetic waves, radio signals and micro waves on me would be struck down by the side effects /emmisions of the dangerous weapons they weild, writhe in excruiting pain and become immobile, 

A remark made by CIA chief made me laugh.He was expressing astonishment at his companion being identified as a intelligence agent ! This was dutifully reported ! How funny ! Would a human activist or a green warrior accompany a spy chief instead of his underling?Touching innocence.

I later read in Organiser magazine that the said Intel also travelled to Pakistan and fell ill only in US.and CNN deliberately didn't mention this information so as to show India in a bad light. Possible.CIA is notorious .                                                                                                                       I  have several theories and am 90 % sure as to who is the real culprit but will not delve further as  that would be exhibiting stockholm syndrome.

 I am happy with the top reason given for this illness--Havana syndrome.viz side effects of  handling micro wave weapons.That is some thing to celeberate.

Women's rights, social evils and integeration---

 I am expected to write on all the above.Joke! Cruel Joke.Such suggestions givers must be blind  or insolent.

First and foremost I am not enjoying the basic rights that every other women does.There are persons peering at me from every nook and corner of my house , be it kitchen or dining room or hall .To top it all there are persons peering into my bedroom and rest room!The Govt allows it or does it or is turning a blind eye .They read my diary apart from reading my mind.The fact that my mind is read is shown by enactments or make total strangers mouth it ! Isn't this right out of a horror movie?This aspect freezes my mind in panic and blocks my free thinking process .

One popular person whose  katha kalathshebhams are avidly heard  keeps telling with wonder how one of god's greatest gift to mankind is that one cannot read another persons thoughts. Will he believe me that such a gift taken for granted by all has been forcibilly taken away from me and that horrific fact  is rubbed on me with  a lot of derision on and off for the past 10 years?He or any one reading this will not believe this since if they did it will strike terror in their hearts .Does this really happen? Aern't we a free society and democratic country?Are all the human rights sham?It is not for a major lot but for few persons like me and the claustrophobic life i am leading since 2012 is real.There could be other persons who are subjected to this sort of torture but  they may not know that there life is being trifled with.

Even a Afghan woman  under Taliban is freer than me.she has to wear purdah only outside her house whereas i was terrorrised that is a hindu woman with knowledge of Law,  in 50' s,to be constantly covered in my own house and not even bare my body even whilst bathing .This was done after blasting my forhead in 2012 and thus putting the fear in me that  my body  in my house with my husband and son around[without their knowledge] could be invaded by strangers at will .And continued the advantage gained viz my attention and fear by tapping on ceiling when i was changing clothes or bathing  etc.Laws, morals and rights be damned.

I was and am expected to write on the lack of rights to Muslim women and  atrocities on SC 's and Muslim men.It is ok for political masters to show a very kind human face in such matters becuase they live in a realm much much above than mine .Where as i am living  in the ground level  for the past 10 years, I have faced hostile glares , derision , contempt and disregard and even abuses from the above mentioned persons and yet i am expected to forgive and forget and write sob stories and hold thier hands on their bertherns miserable conditions.when it hits the head lines'.

I am in the receiving end of  hostility from poor to middle class living around me .One muslim family which is well to do ,has  for the past 10 years would look up at me only to glare at me.I wouldn't bother if they didn't recognise me but they would make it a point to glare at me if i come in thier vision.When this is  the actual reality of my position in here amongst the favourites of liberals would i feel like writing about thier plight ?even if i did write owing to suggestions and deploying vile tactics like shaking my heart  deliberately ,would it be respected?

Our SC maid it clear that though i gave her good legal advise and spent hours drafting a document for her for free ,that she  respects and  has  regards  for Brahmin woman neighbour  who feeds crow with freshly cooked rice early each morning working for her individual self and has only stubborn disdain for me.and my public spiritedness and sees it as  patronising and unwanted.In her eyes and several like her have a fixed notion of how a brahmin woman should be so as to command their respect.The problem is that I am expected to earn such persons respect by changing my routine. at the cost of raising my BP.Is it worth it? It is too late in my life to change my routine so that SC's would stop glaring and start saluting me .I could frankly give a damn whether they viz SC's respect me or not.   The motivation to do so is laughable.If i am expected to change my leisurely life to a quick and alert one I should be appointed to some Commission  or to Rajya sabha .                                                                       To expect me to forgo my leisurely life and switch back to the hectic pace of my school or college days or to the life  in earlier days of marriage  when i was up at 5 to send children to school and husband to office and also fit in my work then I should have  a good motivation to do so .It is comic that if i switched back to that furious pace at this age i would be rewarded  by salutes  by a line of sanitary workers with brooms ,wagons and phenyl with respect and that recognition should be my motivation, is totally absurd.

Each month during Amavasai the halla bula created  around me is unbelivable.First i ll be provoked to rave against the govt .authorities etc for torturing me with microwaves even if i tend to forget it , salt will be rubbed and my anger will be kept alive.Then the caste upholders  in my case viz the fourth caste will during Amavasai   frown upon my going out in the mornings and jeer by foisting their customs upon us .  In our house hold[Brahmin] it is the custom of men viz husband who would tell mantras to the pitrus and offer til and water .It is his very personal karma .I that is a wife has no role in it  unlike the fourth caste men who have no mantras or rituals for Amavasai  , The men have to offer vadai to pitrus.A wife is needed to make that vadai.

My presence is of no consequence in amavasai rituals done by my husband  .But during the annual Davasam-which are eloborate rituals for departed anscetors conducted with help of priests my presence is a must to start the ceremony  by lighting the twigs in homa kund  . If i were to gallavant around then [which i do not], without performing that important ritual then it makes sense for Hindu dharma upholders to   pass criticism on my conduct.   

Next since 2014 i am being persuaded to leave Hindu ways .Just before every festival i would be made to feel depressed that is jamming my forehead .I would even get fever.This was never the case before 2012.I am expecting fatigue and fever before Deepavali which is around the corner. This has become a regular feature. Who would like me to be dissuaded from following a normal Hindu  way of life ?It could only be by persons from other two communities that prize conversion .After doing all this to me i am expected to emphathise with thier lot!   

I cannot leave my Hindu way of life so that the burkha clad harrindans with fierce looks and aggression writ large on thier face  i keep seeing in my walks  will grin at me. These women exude hatred .Most of them are grim faced and ugly.I  often  wonder whether they wear burkha so that they can mask their sour and bitter looks ?as otherwise their own men would get revolted of them  and babies would scream in fear .

Nor can i leave my need to refill my knowledge on worldly affairs , so as to please some gospel dispensing Christian woman who look down upon me like as if i am a worm and gossipy serial seeing Hindu house wives and spend my time in prayer, prayer and prayer and spin like a top in  the kitchen and shed tears at front of the tv. .

Of the lot i keep coming across to get my daily dose of glares and stares it is women in Burkha and sometimes thier men in casual clothes  that is -in pant shirt and dark young lads and sometimes  their middle aged dark women relatives ,whose stares are the worst. They are  full of hate and aggression. Some  are  strangers and some are known  .                                                                                                                                               So it is perfect sham and totally perverted thinking and action to make me write about people who have  scant respect for me and who top it up with pure hostility.

Of late I am expected to write about integeration in our society between various communities .It is fine in upper realms  but not ok where i live viz on the ground Since 2012 i have been deliberately socially dis integerated from all communities around me .Those who want me write anecdotes on integeration know it, yet they expect me to write touchingly on such matters and expect me to hide the truth and gloss it over !Another joke ! A cruel insensitive one!

I am expected to write and hold hands with people whom i see every day in various shades of inexplicable hostility and disrespect.Inexplicable because those who show it are all the sort who would have never read my blogs or have the capacity to understand my english writings.so what are they angry  at me for ?Maybe they were sent by thier educated bosses who must be  equally hostile towards m e.

Seeing so much disrespect towards me i have developed this attitude --why should i bother about such people's issues ?Or lack of their rights .It only hardens me further.towards the very persons I am expected to empathise.

Even the poorest of poor woman may have a sense of privacy ownership and being the sole mistress of her small mud hut!I donot have this luxury.How can i agitate or wax eloquently on others rights?It is sheer perversity that makes persons offer suggestions to write on such topics .

I would have pointed out the evils in Hindu society, shown empathy etc [i have always been indifferent to other communities issues because I am just not bothered about them  even before these stares and glares but did have sympathy for SC which has also been wiped off clean by thier constant hostility} had i been the woman i was once with free and  and original  thinking, confident of myself,trusting govts, having faith in laws, social morality and ethics and absolutely sure of my privacy and secure in  family's warmth, trust and affection.

After 2012 when my entire world collapsed and all my rights and, emotional security were taken away and continues as such. How can I champion woman's rights or social reforms in Hindu society or Indian society? I myself need help to restore mine.I can't even do puja in peace, celeberate festivals or visit a temple without hurdles. My mind is constantly occupied by ways and means to overcome interruptions in my daily puja and and am full of doubts whether i can go out for a walk, shopping in a natural manner or visit temples without hurdles and nastiness  With constant group stalking i am only bothered about ways to elude it .                                                                                                                                                                     I was a an empowered woman till 2012 but have become totally disempowered and continue to do so for 10 years , then how can i talk on a high plane like reforms,rights,freedom, integeration etc when i have been scared out  my basic rights.I cannot bathe and dress without looking over my shoulders, I cannot eat my food in peace since there are  constant suggestions and messagings .I cannot  offer a simple prayer in sanskrit and meditate for few seconds without interruptions in forhead.

Historical figure?

 I often wondered as to how just a few amongst crores of people who have lived  and died over the centuries find a place in history and some of whom lodge themselves firmly in the memories of succeeding generations.There were thousands of kings, philosophers, poets,reformers but jut a few stand out.When  i read history in college the enormous number of people who are recorded in history made my head whirl  . But in popular parlance or common memory it is only few who stand out .What made them exceptional?Was it their energy to conquer kingdoms after kingdoms in case of kings or the courage of philosophers, scientists, reformers  to stick to thier unique views on being convinced of its efficacy and truth in it despite having to face aggressive opposition .                                                                                   

I also wondered whether I would make it to this list in my teens!Will i make it to the pages of history?But there was nothing unique about me.I wasn't a queen or a bold activist or invented some new formula.Over the years i got over this yen and forgot it.  

I again now wonder whether i might one day may make it to pages of history .Ego trip? Maybe .

OK if at all i do get recorded in history   would it because of my  lineage is unique [as written in my profile] so is hundreds of people in this country.                                                                                      Or would it be because by  accident or fate whatever one may call it i came on the net in my middle age and started publishing my views.This is also nothing extra ordinarily unique.There could be persons older than me taking to the net to express their views.or maintain a blog etc as a memorial or as a tribute to dear ones who have passed away .                                                                                               Or would i be feted for translating some Slokas of Sri Vaishnavaite acharyas  and Pasurums of Azhwars?The web is full of translations of erudite SriVaishnavaites who have attained knowledge directly from acharyas unlike me and maintain exhaustive collection of translations of Vedas, Slokas , Pasurums, Epics .Vishnu Sahasarnamum in superb English in a mission mode.So that is also ruled out.

But there is one unique distinction i do have as of now which could fructify my teenage fantasy.

Am i not the first woman to document or write and blog extensively and frankly about the no touch evidence less torture i was subject intensely in 2012 for 3 weeks and later in 2014 for 3 weeks  by our own dear governments [micro audio wave torture and iron shower] when i was 55and 57   years old respectively and survived the attack on  my nerves to tell the tale in my blog?                                     That i retained my mental balance though every trick was tried to show me as a nut.                                 Did i not and find out on my own from Net that such tortures do exist all over the world not only in Dictatorships but also in Democracies.The only difference is that in democracies some  of the victims[ like a victim who was in US navy] who are aware of what is being done to them are allowed to write and blog and publish it. 

Who knows one day or the other when the truth is out about how govt agencies target those who are embarrasing the govt or put it in a spot will be out , then i maybe celeberated as a Pioneer -the first woman victim of no touch evedenceless torture in telling the world and India the sordid truths of the deep dark state that is  soaked with sadism ,.

I donot rule out the role of persons unconnected with the govt for deploying such weapons on me as well. Some of them are advertised  in  the net ,Their dirty deeds, exploitation and constant nipping will be uncovered one day or the other. Here to i will be the pioneer.