Sathabhishekam.

 In mid March attended 80 th birthday celeberations that consists of Vedic chanting and homam of our relative. Since I had my first dose of vaccination I took part in it happily.                                                       It went off well. The elderly man bearing the rigours of chanting vedas seated on the ground and pouring ghee into the Agni kund for more than a hour,.He is  quite fit for his age..

One of their relative a Gynocologist  by profession sat grimly with ablack face mask 

Most of us had removed it .Most of us there were vaccinated .She kept glaring at us and ordered me to wear my mask.I said I am vaccinated .She continued You must wear it for my sake and old mother and Aunt's sake so that they will not catch the virus.

I asked her Didn't you get vaccinated?She said .No There is no data and I can't take the risk and i also have forbidden my mother and aunt from taking it.

Crazy woman.She will not get jabbed although she is a practising doctor and also prevent her older relatives from getting vaccinated but expects the rest of us to mask up for her sake Obtuse and mad people abound.

 On the other side ,a very old couple in thier 90's who are also relatives, who are not very educated have taken the jab.They had no hesitancy .They felt it was for their safety.

A woman relative who has married a Muslim had also come to attend the function.she and her teenage daughters took part in all the rituals including pouring the water sanctified by vedas on the couples head by holding the perforated siver plate along with other traditional Brahmins.Those brahmins didnt know about her conversion but the relative conducting the Sathabishekam know it and encourage her to take part in all rituals.She was stomping up and down the stage where homam was performed.She readily complies hankering for recognition and role in a community she had scorned in her youth placing Love and passion above our society[brahmin]and  converted to Islam adapted the ways of that community including cooking and eating non veg etc and i  lived meekly though a harrindan by nature with her husband and his family.I advised her to go for marriage underSpecial marriages act and avoid conversion when she came over for legal advise regarding name change . .But conversion was the condition laid by her m-i-l to marry her son .She told rudely at my advise i donot care for religion only for love! Her name was changed at the proper conversion ceremony before her nikkah.She even cited her lover [then] language viz Tamil as  a good ground and excuse to marry him'.He is not Urdu but Tamil'and cited it  as a good criteria for her marriage!Implying that having same mother tongue will over ride differences between the two religions!

Now at mid life she wants to take part in our social and religious functions though she is a Muslim, and lives off her muslim husband's livings.It is only one or two families from our large  circle of relatives who indulge her craving to take part in rituals.Others do not .Those who invite her make it clear that  she can attend our functions as an audience and take part only in minor rituals but cannot take part in main rituals.

Besides myself I asked her How do you pray Do you tell namaaz or whatever their woman pray.She said she would pray like a  Muslim in her husbands circle and here she will be a Hindu .She had come all the way from Dubhai just to attend this function.

 

She whisked out here smart phone showing how during recent  Siva ratri she and 4o other Hindus in dubhai including men chanted Siva ashtotram! and she does this regularily and was proud of it. I was taken aback and asked doesnt Azim her hub objecte to it She said no1He lets me do what I like.from the very beginning.

 

But the Taliban that is after me  wants to constantly throw a purdah on me , discourage me from visiting temples and give  fatigue beam during festivals like as if I have converted to Islam ! And spoilt my reputation just because i am friendly with my Muslim flat  neighbour.Even that friend ship was forced upon me by threats of audio micro wave ....                                                                                                              Here is a woman from my community who has converted to Islam actually done it but she is  let scot free at her keeness in taking part in Hindu socio cum religious events  and chant Sanskrit slokas.

 

She left our society  to become a Muslim for' Love ' but she can stomp around reciting sanskrit slokas with strange Hindu men on her free will ,craving now for Hindu identity and here i am forced into the company of Muslims whose company and recognition i  do not care for.If they come and speak or profess friendship straight face to face I have no problem talking to them but not to those who are doing  in this vile hidden manner through mobiles and overhead hidden cameras.Dumping god knows what into me, maybe their ire and frustrations  under the obscurity of such shady communications .The same applies to Christians and Hindus who are using mobiles and readers to invade my privacy ,watch my reactions and then provoke me to write .Have they no decency?If my writing is so important they can always come to  my house and discuss it and give me a choice to decide whether I should write for them or not.instead of attacking me slyily ,caring two hoots for human dignity.If this sly method continues one day or the other it will boomerang against them .I hope ,wish and pray that  it does.

It was this relative who was sure that my first son Vidat was done away with by youths of her community [she was married for 5 years then] when she came to offer condolences by saying" Since Vidat was getting too close to a Muslim girl[colleague] ,our Pasangas [our youths]would not have let it go unavenged."

She left exactly at 10 30 AM with a special good bye to me.

 

Vaccination.

In  March 2021 it was announced that henceforward seniors of 60 and 60 + would be vaccinated .I had this tiny teeny weeny bit of hesitation.The pandemic was over wasn't it ?The cases had fallen.Why should i go for vaccination?

I had very early decided to take the vaccination as it was my only ray of hope to regain my normal life so i was not going to back off..I had everything that the wretched Corona liked to make my life hell as per experts ,that is age and co -morbidities .If i had to escape severe disease, hospitilisation paying huge fees denting my savings i had to take it. I also had to take it be free from this abnormal fear gripping me and to become mobile and normal .I had to take it.

I remember taking some pox vaccination maybe small pox at school in my early teens.Doctors would come and inject the line of students in our hands .Then I would get fever and the two points of the jab festering into two huge boils disabling the use of that hand[owing to pain] for several days.I remember taking it twice with a gap of a year.

So getting vaccinated is nothing new to me . I had no fear or doubt because i was not innundated by flood of conflicting information from all parts of the world viz our experts would say it is good tho' quick every procedure was duly followed,then caution on adverse reaction,some would say foreign vaccination like pifzer, Moderna Sputnik, is good don't take our home made ones [tho'pifzer etc also did it quickly]beware of blood clots and so on , the way it is now.I was too young.The teachers told us to take it and we did .

Before taking the vaccine i had gone over a lot of information from tv and papers and processed it .thus--By the time our turn came several lakhs had taken it .There was news of 20 or so dying  a day or two  after  vaccination of heart attack etc. Was the vaccine triggering the heart attacks .Maybe.And it could be that they those persons were not aware of thier morbities and were not on medication .But I am on medication .so the risk my being one of those 20 is  very very low.

Next about adverse reaction-I read that only people with allergies get such reactions within half an hour .I have no allergies.

Should  I wait for 10 years when all every one is 100 % sure that these vaccines have no side effects.The manner in which many educated  people were willing to wait it out.For that i would have to lead a hermit like life with fear contracting the virus one day or the other.So spend 10 hellish years .There were many who feared the vaccine for its side effects more that continuing with this hermit like  lockdown life .

 

So i made my mind thus .If by freakish chance I get hit then either Vaikuntum or i ll be back soon in a younger and maybe a  better body.The other option was to wait it out and tie myself to my house for years  ,get obssessiviley clean, wearing  and tiring myself out .with fear ,suspicion and boredom and spend loads of money if hospitalised.

I decided that first option is best . My fear of the virus was more than the fear of the vaccine.And i am going to take the vaccine offered  here since it was said they were best suited for our hot conditions than pfizer etc .I preffered Covaxin not because , 'I am Bharatiya ' etc and all the other patriotic stuff but because I read that it was very effective against its Mutant in a study in Brazil.At that time that mutant didn't come home but what if it did in future so why not fortify myself now?

 

On 28 th Feb my hub went to a nearby private hospital and gave our names .I was surprised  on seeing his enthusiasm, since he never liked taking medicines or visiting hospitals unlike me.Times change .People change.Whilst I was sure that my turn of jab would come only next year he was confident of getting it on the first week itself!I thought he was joking .It turned out that he wasn't.

Next day March 1 st we waited for the phone call from the hospital as promised by them to inform us about the date of vaccination.It never came.

Having read papers and seen info on TV i told him that to get a jab regn on Cowin was a must .So he started the process on his smart phone to a portal forwarded by a relative from abroad.

He couldn't register and kept trying the whole day .He said the form filling was lengthy and it was not confirming.Evening I lost my patience and switched on my PC .I remembered having read that many couldn't register on 28 th midnight because they were using a portal for front line workers and ours was different one.

Chaffing at the Govt for making this process so complicated, that to for seniors who are not computer savy i found the website for seniors quite easily.

I was immediately asked to type my Aadhar card number and phone number .Got a OTP on my cell within seconds.I was asked to type it I did.It was very easy and quick.I waited for confirmation .It didnt come .So went through the process 4-5 times.No confirmation .So dropped it .

 Then hub rang up the hospital who said that they were vaccinating seniors and asked us to be there by 8AM the next day! 

I couldn't believe my ears .Weren't crores already registered and waiting ti be vaccinated.We haven't even registered.I had assumed that seniors were ready to pounce on the vaccination the way we did when it was announced .Not all are alike.

.

Nexy day reached the hospital by 7.30 We were the first The staff came later and a nicely dressed woman staff kept striding up and down.

we explained to those at the counter that we couldn't register at Cowin and would they kindly do it for us?One chap fed my Aadhar no: and said 'madame you have registered".So i did register the day before.

I stopped carrying my simple mobile long while back, after the ruckus in 2014.But that day i slipped it into my handbag when i left the house .And my hub forgot his .It was good thing that i took it as it was needed for further formalities and for the regn of my husbandThe amount was Rs 250 each.Paid it.

Two more people joined us at the desk , when that woman staffer shooed me away saying 'Don't crowd' in a stern manner.'Ironical .After a lapse of an hour that area around the desk was swarming with seniors and thier helpers and she couldnt say a word against them who were crowding and  jostling.

Soon more and more people came and there was all round confusion.The staff kept struggling with the computer and Net and Cowin .People pushed each other to reach the desk.seeing this melee i thought What guarentee is there that I won't catch the virus from one of these people?

Amid the teeming crowds of confused seniors and staff i got my BP checked .It was high as  I didn't take the tablet.The young thin dark girl checking my BP assured me that my high BP didn't matter! I had my doubts  neverthless I didnt want to miss the oppurtunity of taking the vaccination at the earliest.So i went to the room It was quiet and free of that milling crowd .A young nurse injected me from a small vial.It was pain less .I forgot to tel her my preference.She smilingly bade me bye.

When i came out waiting in the passage for my hub to have his shot I felt a tremendous relief.        Good bye to Corona .Goodbye to fear. It was so tremendous that i sent a sms to my son .

 

Nobody asked us to wait for 1/2 hour,we ourselves pushed through the crowd and found a empty waiting room and sat there.Then left for home.On coming out of the building saw a long queue of seniors winding upto the gate .Seeing such long q's on tv i felt that we seniors are much wiser than  the current lot .

 I felt great ! I felt that I achieved the impossible on the second day itself! All my calculations and assumptions were wrong .Thank God!

In the noon got sms from govt that we had taken first dose of and our next dose was due on 30 th March.

Evening the half dead virus or whatever was injected started to show its handiwork .I got slight twisting pain in my leg and also got fever .Took a combiflam and proceeded to cook the dinner .But felt heavy discomfort making me chide myself  for letting a virus that was some where outside forcibly into myself.and suffer thus.If this light viral fever was just a trailer what would the real one be like? Thus thinking i endured the fever and pain. Hub as healthy and jolly as ever. No reactions at all.

 

The pain and fever continued next day It was like viral fever ..On the 3 rd day it vanished and I was back to normal.

Then the wait for the second dose started .There was talk of extending the gap for the second dose by the Govt.I hoped that it would be after I took it .As per experts it was the booster doe that made the vaccine effective and 28 days gap was ideal.Plus I didn't want to spend some more months immobile and skeptical.

March 30 th came and we were off to that hospital.This time the arrangements were good .seating , , desk and vacination had lot of social distancing.

There were only a handful of seniors waiting  We were not checked for BP.Got the vaccine straight away after paying for it .

I asked the nurse what vaccine was she injecting .she said Covishield .I said I would have preffered Covaxin at the outset itself..She said there is  no choice, we have only covishield.and added that since Covaxin was introduced the second wave set in ! I was aghast at her lack of knowledge or was it pre judise?How can a vaccine trigger a second wave?

We got our certs in no time at the  vaccination centre.

This time I had no side effects .

So vaccination was over.Waited for 15 days for it to take full effect at the end of which we planned to go to Bangalore by train and not car .Wanted to rub shoulders with people happily .When the advised period got over and we were raring to take off lockdown was imposed first in Bangalore  soon followed by Tamilnadu due to the second wave..Shutters came down on us once more.So back to hermit life.

Announcement about vaccination.

 In January PM came on TV.to address us.He has grown a long snowy white beard  making him look like Bernard Shaw or Tagoreor Aurobindo Gosh..I hope he gets back to his trimmed beard days .He looks sad in that flowing  white beard and flowing uncut hair.[dirty Chinese] unlike his smart confident look earlier on with a good hair cut and trimmed French beard.

He was launching the vaccination first for the Doctors and health workers and then for us in March.He was in tears when he recounted the sacrifices made by Doctors and health workers whilst combating the Corona ,moving me also to tears.

In papers after two days the news came that there was very poor response to vaccination in Tamilnadu  .Doctors and nurses went on leave so as to avoid vaccination!

 I couldn't beleive it .I became furious when this trend continued for weeks!Whist the illiterate and lesser educated health workers up North were getting vaccinated the highly rational, scientific and educated Periyaar's children were dodging vaccine.Wasn't Chennai and Tamilnadu the most popular location for medical tourism in India and from foreign countries as well?If they avoid vaccine how would patients trust them?What sort of message were they sending,?That the vaccination lacks data and hurried and hence not to be trusted?

Epidemoligists, virologists and the head of AIIMS were clearly explaining on tv that vaccinations were safe and they were made within record time viz 10 months as against the usual 10 years  because there is world wide colloboration on all fields like research, raw materials, survey,sample etc with all beauracratic hurdles  swiftly cleared , as the times were witnessing a pandemic.Those experts also made it clear that any adverse reaction would be only within half an hour of taking the vaccine and that could be tackled since innoculation was arranged only in hospitals.

 

I felt ashamed of these highly educated Tamiliyans .I felt that I was being insulted .They had hurt me with their obstinacy .I couldn't stomach doctors dodging vaccine.I couldn't believe it.How ever there are exceptions Our family doctors took it and I was glad to hear it.

 

The silver lining is that when vaccination was announced for 60 + in March the opposition leader then as well as the then CM , took it and beamed it on TV advising people to take it .They restored my pride and made me sigh with relief..

 

Soon I stopped fuming over Tamiliyan doctors  for denting my pride .Ok  my mother tongue is Tamil  but it s at the hands of Tamiliyans I have faced maximum harrassment starting from my KG classes.

 

When we as kids would return home walking the distance from school ,suddenly a swarm of kids would descend on us from nearby slum in Adayar and start  hitting us .We would try and shield ourselves ,hit them and run as fast we could to our houses.This was  a regular farcas.

 Next when i was joined in a  primary convent school in IIT campus the dark Miss 'es [converted Christians]would constantly pick on me at the way I dressed , spoke ,ate ,studied the whole of 2 years I studied there.

Then in my early teens when I outgrew my younger Tamil friends[Non brahmins] and joined my age group North Iindian girls these Tamil girls who were still kids  would band together and follow me chanting abuses against me in the Govt quarters we were residing in Hyderabad.May be they were furious that i had deserted them.This went for years and I would just ignore them.

 

Next in Delhi when I was joined a school run by Tamiliyans the boys all non brahmin Tamiliyans would band together as a big group and keep on ragging me calling me abusive and degrading names .I ignored this also .though it went on through out my 10 th and 11 th classes.I didn't complain about it in the school nor at home.When board results came most of my harrassers failed or just made it whilst I came first in the school and got a rank in the state merit list with scholarship for graduate studies.That shut them up and made some of them to make friendly overtures shamefacedly.It was too late as  any  how we were all leaving school.

Now back in Chennai the ragging i was subject to from 2012 onwards beats all of them down.It was and is Mega!In this harrassment there were not only Non Brahmins and scheduled castes but also Muslims, Brahmins and Christians.All Tamiliyans.!Everywhere i looked persons whether from persons known to me in these  flats itself or from strangers on the road or train or bus or in the park or in the beach or temple or functions or shops from all theses communities would glare at me in a hostile manner spit on the road '.Neighbours would thump  and kick my ceiling when i was blogging.

 

This time too  i decided as usual to ignore it but complain about it in my  blog Sujataism .And I did.It was of no avail.I was just another blogger who asked for it.

It was only as late as 2016 that i realised that I should reveal my lineage.in my profile and I did.Had i revealed my lineage when I first started to blog in 2008 'maybe' I wouldn't have had such  painful treatments in 2012 and 2014 followed by  groupstalking and ostrasication.Maybe.

It is not that i have a criminal past or non entity status to hide ,in fact  I have a good past and a noble lineage .I saw many people never revealing even their names in their blogs who were scared to do so.I held back because I didnot want scare away the few viewers I had .I also wanted to test my individual capacity .and in the rush of things I just forgot about it.

So having received so much ragging teasing harrassment by Tamiliyans [Up north i was not ragged in packs by N.Indians  it was Tamiliyans who were ragging me there.] why should i care about them who have no pride in me and fume over them for insulting Tamil pride by their obstinacy,ignorance and prejudises.? 

 

So i dropped it and started calculating the date of my vaccination .

 

There are 30 crore seniors! Oof!The rate of vaccination per day then was very low, scarcely 2 or 3 lakhs all over India.

Even after seeing hesitation of well educated people I assumed that at least 20 crore 60+ would register on Cowin and I felt greatly dampened .What if Cowin regn was first cum first service basis.I would be left far behind  for not having nimble fingers.

At the rate of vaccinations done then , I calculated my turn to come after 18 months.That would be September 2022,if I survived.It amused me when the Govt insisted that 30 crore seniors would be vaccinated by September 21!

As per my calculations based on rate of vaccination per day , I was sure that I was in for along long wait so I started to get angry over Govt's control over vaccine.

 

Why can't it it be made available to Chemists?Why shouldn't I ask Medical labs workers  who come to test my sugar  at home give me this vaccination at home itself?If I can pay 3000 Rs per blood test once in two months would I shirk spending that much and even more for the much needed vaccine? Why shouldnt private hospitals , companies etc be free to purchase vaccines and make home or apartment visits ?An ambulance can be stationed to tackle adverse reaction if any.

What is this Cowin?Are 60 year old's adept in apps?Why burden us with this digital or net mania?Why can't the officials or those incharge  at vaccination centres make a entry in aregister after seeing our identification and allow us to have our innoculation.

Doesn't the Govt trust its citizens that it insists on Net Or do they want statistics?Then those making entry in register books can enter it in the computer.Thus i was thinking, dejected at the prospect of not getting a jab quickly.

 

 Then came the January 26 th horror that made me nearly to sob .The scaling of the flag post that PM's down the line since Independance have hoisted our flag.That monkey that ape committed the worst sacrilege .Why didn't the police stop him?At least with water cannons?As he kept scaling and skidding till he reached the top I kept hoping that some policeman would pull him down or thwart his attempts by using a helicopter..It didn't happen.When he took away our flag and planted some other flag I felt so totally violated that i closed my eyes and hid my face in shame with my hands ,unable to digest it.

I wasn't much bothered about the Redfort being over run by this mob.It has seen plenty of violence and bloodshed in the past .It is time that flag hoisting on Independance day is shifted to a pleasanter place like a garden.

 

By February the fear of Corona had nearly evaporated .The Govt declared 'we are pandemic free 'and I greeted this news with joy.

 

We patted our backs.'We Indians have built in immunity. since we have lived through scores of epidemics down the ages .The dirt around us to which we are so used since birth also has immunised us.where as in Western nations and US people were dying because of super cleanliness.And our food full of spices is another factor.The pepper , jeera ,  in our Rasam which we take daily kills that wretch when it tries to lodge in the throat.We have beaten it and driven it out.It has also got scared of our crowds and so on.

I saw busses plying with full capacity during my morning walks.Though I was a bit hesitant we even attended a wedding .All were moving around happily without masks.

Suddenly in the middle of Feb it was decided that we visit Tirumala for a special darshan .for which one has to pay 10,000 Rs  .This would allow us to very near the sanctum.It was not my decision as i wanted to move out to crowded places only after vaccination.Any way I complied.

During lockdown svbc channel was showing Tirumala .There wasnt a single person .It twisted to see this temple thus .There were minimum 50,000 devotees every day that it would always be a sea faces .I felt sorry for Srinivasar .He must be missing his devotees , thier ferverent prayers and the chant of Govinda Govinda ripping through the air and reveberating this valley by dashing off against the hills sorrounding it.I heard that leopards and bears were regular visitors in and around the temple in those days .They had Srinivasar all to themselves.Lucky beasts.Evey dog has its day.

There are hundreds of Vishnu and other deities temples in Tamilnadu that are bigger but do not draw this crowd .Srinivasar has this fame that if one prays for something and promises to pay for the results in any manner ,viz tonsuring head , walking up the steps ,so on, they are sure to get it.It has worked over the centuries hence this temple sees so much crowd.Even Krishna Deva raya the 15 th cent king would shower Srinivasar with land,gold and money after each victory in his battles .He must have prayed for victory .

 

I stepped into the tourist car with trepidation spraying my seat etc with disinfectants. We stopped at a hotel  for breakfast  Washes hands before and after,Then to loo an unavoidable place for diabetics Again sprayed my hand with a pocket size sanitiser.Several people around.All were cool and normal.Only I was cautious.The papers were still giving numbers of Covid patients .Though very less, what if by chance viz my bad luck I happen to come across one of them and contract the disease?It is a possibility.  Reached Trichanur .Again needed the loo My husband pointed to a public toilet saying that they were clean It was. I used it.

When I came out I told myself drop this fear .No one is fearing except me.So I very casually entered the Temple holding the rope held by many before me, jostled with the crowd for darshan, bent down on the ground in obseice my hands and forehead touching the ground trampled by the crowd of devotees.Did what every one was doing.Joined the crowd.

Went up to the hills.I disinfected the bed, door ,handle etc in the ashram.My husband laughed at me.Then we proceeded towards smaller temples.There was ahuge crowd on the steps leading to them.One chap coughed near me.I thought Oh my god I had it.Any way I would know it in 2-4 days time so forget it and enjoy the moment.

Next day reached the queue at 5 AM after bathing etc.I was in for a shock.The RS 10,000 per head special darshan queue was serpentine!There were nearly 2000 people.Most were of our age and well to do.I thought This is not aVIP darshan .The queue is as long as RS 300 ticket , the ordinary darshan queue.A small temple priests observation came to mind'last week there were more than 3000 at this q'.

I was amazed at the pull of Srinivasar.All those standing patiently in the line  were seniors  who must be having energy sapping life style diseases like BP , sugar etc leading a comfortable life but are up in this cold ,have bathed and were standing for hours in a queue for a darshan!

The q moved slowly .We were showered with disinfectant near the gate.Hardly a few seconds were allowed near the sanctum.The rude Jargandi viz Move Move by security guards  was substituted by a muted Jargandi by volunteers.That was the only difference .

 

How many ever times one visits this temple the magical moment of seeing the diamond studded gold crown and the face of Srinivasar with thick white Thirumun when He suddenly appears into view at the bend near Garuda's sannidhi is renewed freshly every time .Nothing can match it.

 

Then back to Chennai with stops at hotels.After leading a extremely hygenic life for nearly 11 months , all the precautions  went for a toss  in this trip .I stopped sanitising my hands after awhile.

 

I waited for 4 days .No fever. No cold.wow! So we made it .We beat the Corona or we were lucky. 

 

 

Visitors.

 My first visitor  during the lockdown was a Corporation fever worker.I was pleasantly surprised one morning when i answered the bell and saw a young girl in churidhar and mask.She said that she was from the Corporation and was here to check fever and oxygen level .At that time i knew nothing about oxygen level .

She checked us and found us to be normal.It was nice seeing a healthy, young cheerful woman at my doorstep.She exuded health and confidence and i looked forward to her next visit.She came regularily.

Next was my neighbours college going daughter.She had come to invite for Varalakshmi nombu.She came and sat casually on the sofa .No fear of contamination.She was at home as colleges were closed.It was nice seeing that girl that is her total non chalance. I excused myself as they live right next to that Corona infected person.

Then another Iyer woman  came and invited.Since they live in floor just above mine I thought i will go up and come back swiftly.She was also casual and cool.Their hall was packed with female relatives including a pregnant woman who all  live in the upper floors.I dropped my plan of a quick get away.They all looked happy , free and i wanted some of that for myself.So sat on a chair [at its edge lest i get infected].Then my next door neighbour joined ,and we all  had a good time joking and laughing.My age group women didnot come.

 

Just before Deepavali in November i had slight fever and a sore throat .It was raining.Sore throat is a normal occurence to me and i took crocin and gargled with warm salt water.The fever persisted .Was feeling tired .Was I being beamed the way it is done to me before festivals and davasams?Or did i catch the Corona?I decided to call up that corporation girl for testing ,before going to bed .The next day the fever and fatigue vanished .So didn't call her.

Fear of Corona.

Till i got my vaccination  life had become terribly scary.Scared of people, scared to touch provisions,scared to touch vegetables ,scared to touch anything and everything around me.Business men got a quick wind of this fear that was stalking a large number of people as i started seeing special sanitisers to wash vegetables , gadgets in ad's and in shops !

 

Before Corona struck sales boys in retail shops would beg me to buy sanitisers which i would look at disdainfully as another marketing gimmick and decline it. .But after Corona struck I ran from shops to shops to get my hand on a sanitiser.At first there was a shortage but slowly different brands of santisers in various sizes filled the racks .

 

I used to go  shopping for vegetables etc to my usual shop with ofcourse a slight fear because other wise  my husband would have to do it and I didn't want him to take too many risks.I would wash my hand thoroughly with sanitisers kept in those shops and come back and again wash my hands.So i did go out .But there were many of my age group who stayed stuck in thier houses for months, not even peeping out .

Whilst there  was this extreme there was the  other extreme who were living like as if there was no threat of Corona .They went out , kept their servants , put clothes to dhobhi,touched everything and were not finicky about it and let thier children and grand  children play in the common area on the ground,.Nothing happened to them.

My fear of contracting Corona was not the fear of the disease.Despite my age and co morbidities I was confident that i would make it.Several of my relatives who were in ICU made it back.Nobody died.So what I feared was having to spend Lakhs of money on treatment just because somebody coughed or sneezed or spoke loudly near me .

As per relatives and friends one had to spend minimum 6 lakhs for a week stay in a good private hospital What if i was there for a month?I ll be spending all my money whether i live or die.If i survived I would have to live with a very tightened fist.I may lose my monetary independance and that was a daunting thought.

With interest rates nose diving each day from the standard 9 - 8 % to 6 and 5 % even the money i get from FD's now, will not be handful.

Secondly in these busy days  i can't expect my son or daughter in law to take care of us weakened by the virus, for weeks together. They have to earn for their lives in another city and they have a hectic schedule.  .Moreover hiring outside help is also not possible since it is such a disease that every body wants to run away from it.Nobody would come near us even for money..

These were my 2 great fears .I didnot fear the disease but only its repurcussions.

 

I have survived chicken pox, malarial attack, typhoid, jaundice,dengue and atypical pnuemonia[ which is similar to Corona].But i was younger then ,but the mind refuses to acknowledge that body grows older and weaker with age.Hence I actually did not fear Corona.

 

I felt immensely relieved  when i got my first dose and then i took the second dose and was raring to travel after 15 days when  lockdown was announced by this and neighbouring states due to second wave.When i lost my fear and wanted to get back to my normal ways these lockdowns/curfew shuffed it all out.

Life became boring.Being locked up once again sapped my enthusiasm to shop and the energy to  arrange conveyance.A lassitude set in with the feeling why shop? Why travel?Days and nights are moving as usual.This life is ok now.Got used it .Why trouble myself with travelling, shopping etc?Eat, walk , do yoga  recite slokas watch TV and U tube, read a bit and sleep.Simple life befitting my age..

 

Another paradox is that some of my relatives of my age and even older who were very active throughout lockdowns without a inch of fear ,leading a very normal life suddenly lost their confidence after getting vaccinated! 

The stopped  some religious ceremonies and visiting  temples though some norms were relaxed.Maybe they feel that by taking vaccine they have lost control over their bodies.Strange.Whilst i gained my nerves they lost theirs! Comic.

Close encounters with Corona

 Two months passed since lockdown when we were patting or backs that though  our area  is a very crowded with a line of slum tenements  there wasn't as single case of Corona.This was short lived .

In June roughly when hostilities broke out in the Galwan region between India and China,my next door neighbour who can see me through her kitchen window beckoned me to come out when i was washing dishes in mine.

When i came out she whispered from her doorstep that the upper floor neighbour's son had Corona and asked me to be careful and not to hang  my clothes outside to dry.

Came in quite nonplussed.My heart sank.I fretted and fumed in panic.and that asymptomatic neighbour made things worse by running up and down our common stairs from his third floor instead of using the lift, talking loudly, laughing and stomping like a mad bull.What if Corona flew into our house in one of his rampages.My neighbour was also equally angry and anxious.

He is tall and hefty and works in Indian oil company.He was going to his office through out the lockdown and he is said to have been tested positive when his office did a random check.

For two days he was stomping up and down the stairs [though normally he would use the lift.] oestensibly  to visit Doctor to test his wife and child, adding to my anxiety and was hugely relieved when he quit with his wife and child to some hospital.My relief was short lived.For he was back in two days with the news that all 3 were asymptomatic and were ordered home quarintine.

Then municipal corporation workers came and hammered asbestos sheets at ground floor blocking entry from back southern side and also his flat doorway.

I quit going up for my walk lest i contract the infection unleashed by his Ac's exhaust which is on the terrace.

A sanitary worker would come specially to collect their waste.I admired her guts but for her it was all in a day's work.

The fact that nobody thought of quitting their flats to be in safe distance with their relatives or children had me thinking.I would have fled to my son's house if he was staying in Chennai.Since i had no other go i was stuck here.

Now i started to walking down ,around our flats carefully avoiding that flats drain pipe.I went and bought bottles of Lizol and poured it down my bathroom 's drain, toilet etc fearing infection from there.I remember that Sars had spread in HongKong [long back]because of flats having common drains .I used so much Lizol that I became allergic to it. 

A little thought kept niggling me.Was all this a drama? Was it to do with Galwan hostilities?Is this chap a spy or shadowy worker like his father?So maybe just as  a doctor's  son becomes a doctor maybe a  spy's son also becomes a spy.

Most of these residents profess to work in Govt undertakings   .It is Port trust or Hindustan Engineering or Indian oil , as in this fellows case.Was i being blocked off from suggestions against the Govt and  were deflecting micro wave beams that could provoke me to rage and rant against our Govt for subjecting me to cruel no touch torture in a sensitive time as this? I often get provoked thus just before New moon and full moon days .Or was i expected to react in a manner that would give a communal tinge to this episode and write it down? I kept my cool and stuck to my determination not to write.I was scared to write even my diary then because i know it is read and feared for the safety of my family. 

The turning point was my son's tooth ache just after a week of his vaccination and 2 weeks before the launch of new vaccination programme in June 2021.It could be natural or it could be induced .The fact that he kept complaining of pain even after medication had me thinking.This is the typical signature of micro wave torturers.They would keep on stirring the wound when it is about to heal and to prolong the pain.It happened to me when i was given knee pain in 2011 .It was stirred for two years to prevent me from going out and from going on temple travels.It suddenly vanished one day .The same sadistic method was used when i had my uterus operated in 2014.They kept prolonging my pain and the doctors were surprised at my  late recovery. It could be either to immobolise him or prevent him from speaking [he was already at home due to curfew]  or use it to emotionally black mail me.So whether i write or not these tortures will happen.So why should I reign in my natural  aptitudes and fight against my decades long habit?

.Another important reason was that  i didnot want to feel short changed and this was coupled with the  feeling of annoyance  at my weakness for  prostituting my talents for free.And i also had this doubt that may be what i write is not my own , original thinking but  some one elses with a agenda.So many people have access to my forehead that it is difficult to sift between my own reactions and views and somebody elses. because earlier on i often caught myself writing on subjects and public affairs that i hardly care about.

The fact that I have no privacy was shown to me since 2012 .If i wore a blue sari in my bedroom and go for walk or i would see another woman wearing ditto sari.  This happened too many times for me to brush it aside as a co incidence.I f thought some thing in the corner of my bedroom  somebody would speak it or enact it .This too happened several times.So if i wrote my diary it would be directly or through readers.That was a sickening thought .A neighbour I thought who was very decent and respectable could actually be reading my inner most thoughts as i pen it down or even think!But the constant provocations i was subject to  made me forget all this demeaning  and unethical aspects of all this and i  would start to writing .

I held on for a year fighting the urges and provocations and had decided to never to write or blog.The only thing I wrote was in January 21 on a rough paper my calculation of the time it would take me to get my vaccination   but when i detected the signature of the tortures on my son  i felt that it was futile to hold myself back .I have  caught the tiger by its tail.and there is a sword hanging over my head whether I write or do not write.

                        To fulfill my craving for writing I took the safe route of translating Sanskrit slokas..Diary writing is a habit of 52 years . With the change of govt here in May this resolve of mine that i had successfully stuck to for a year ,was broken.and i filled reams of pages with with my experiences and observations like a wild river in spate.And i might as well blog some of them since it is a good diversion from my mundane life.I have started prostituting my talents for free once again.It is at once heady and disgusting.

I have read that some well known English authors would tie themselves to their chair so as to write novel;s books etc .Mine is just opposite.I kept pens out of my sight, and didn't write a single word regarding public affairs  and  even my own affairs  lest i start pouring out any thing and every thing.

I suppose what i write about no touch torture, micro waves etc will be de classified only after 50 years after I am gone

U.S is quite liberal They have declassified Reid's no touch torture methods and the effects of audio microwave hearing and the torture due to it and how electronic weapons are no longer used by army but has been passed on to the police.All this is in the net.This corroborates with what Peter Mooring has written about people cookers .If not for these information on net I would have been totally at sea.

OK I have revealed identities which I shouldnot.Will i be slapped with sedition or Goonda's act? If my forehead hadn't be blasted  and subsequently jammed i wouldn't have known that some of my neighbours have a job to hide.So it wasn't I who took the first step.

OK I have blogged all this before , but nothing stopped. .Maybe my viewership is too small and i am not a popular public personality .And in all probability the the Semi Crack cloak that they have foisted on me is also  working.Who will beleive a mad person?But what i am saying is the truth and it is very tough for ordinary people leading a normal life even the educated ones to comprehend what i am saying. barking and crying for help as it would upset thier balance, beliefs  and trust.One has to experience it to believe it.

Apart from the two electronic tortures i was subject to that both lasted for 3 weeks at a stretch whose pain  i have forgotten now.Can any one relive a physical pain like tooth ache etc once it goes?I remember it was done but cannot relive that pain .It is gone.    But it is a different matter with regards to my husband.In 2012 July -August his heart was definetly attacked which made him suffer a heart attack , and weakened his heart and has shortened his life. He complained of gas running up and down   from his abdomen to chest for several days .So he was microwaved in lethal manner just short of killing him.He had become dark and  his body blew up grotesquely and he was terribly uneasy .It subsided immediately[ that is his unease] after  a christian nurse gave him some tablets in the scanning centre.  His body became normal only under medication and now he has to take a whole lot of them . The damage done to him is irrepairable   .His heart is yet to come to normal pumping level. 

                                                 There is another on going torture.My mind is constantly filled  and muddled with thoughts i hardly spare  a thought about for eg about Modi now after change in govt here in May and previously about conversion , religions etc . The conversion bid in 2014 riled me hence a little provocation on seeing dark people and persons in white cap &burkha would set me off against Evangelists and Jihadists.If not for that crazy conversion bid with death threats i would never have broached such subjects.Next , i donot believe in that coinage that is spun around viz Either you adore Modi or hate him .I like him and not adore him and i donot hate him either.He is a charismatic leader un apologetic about his Hindu roots and exudes strength .He is here for a long haul..

                                                                                                                            A mobile phone is used to get a direct entry into my mind .May be the micro wave hearing made it easy for such quick access to my  forehead.It will be held by jobless youths or men or even women in opposite tenements and they will be looking southwards .If i change the direction of my face their connection will be cut .and so would my line of unwanted thoughts.It is more pronounced if i am near a electrical connection but it also happens outside on the road.I am unable to figure out how with help of a mobile persons can provoke my thought process.But this is done and this is a daily happening torture that cuts my peace and my after noon naps.

It also makes me think that maybe this method was used to provoke Vidat my late son to take the extreme step.This is a sure method to drive any one crazy., emotional and aggressive.Currently this is my main mental  torture .If i have to be free of it i have to be too alert and keep changing the position of my face.Those who do this love to  do it when i am in the toilet or bathing or changing my sari and when I am having lunch and dinner apart from other places like when I am washing my dishes or watching Tv or speak over the phone or reading.Perverts.The pain inducing beams leave when it comes out as gas and bowel movments or liquid like tears, fluids, sudden bathing of sweat and urine.  .I  was and am constantly attacked by both .Is it possible for a person under such constant inhuman attacks to lead a normal life?Though they are known to the spies they are given a carte blanche to do thier heinous acts with  absolute immunity .It is people poor who are roped in for this .It seems eerily similar to what Peter mooring has said that it is poor who are asked to such dirty jobs for group stalking by People cookers.  Can i ever escape this organised attacks.Impossible.I' ll have to jump into the sea.Even there   someone will be in scuba gear.

I suppose only those who are in this field can believe and understand what i am divulging .Definetly an enemy who knows all this would love to keep on prodding me.I have been handed on a platter to them.Let them fight it out.

Most probably I am the only one in India blogging on 'Classified information' Since I am allowed to do so it also shows that India is also  democratic.

My next encounter was when a close friend and collegue of my husband was admitted in hospital after he complained of 'spinning head'.His son arranged on line from Singapore down to a ambulance reaching his door.

He spoke regularily on phone complaining about garlic in food and of loneliness.Since all were in PP suits he felt that he was sorrounded by robots .For two days he stopped ringing up .We heard from his family that he was in ICU .He was back soon and said that for two day she kept going to Vaikuntum and back.He was soon discharged and was back home.Though he finished quarintine and became ok though he was a very active person became house bound .Those 2 fearful days denting his confidence and zest for life.

Before blogging this post I was thinking should i reveal Indian oil etc? What will i get out of it?

1. That i am clever and can piece things ?

2. That ours is a democracy?

3.That i haven't forgotten my no touch evidenceless harsh tortures done on me despite being a woman whose body is weak and has weakened further by rigours of childbirth and age. I was 55 then in 2012 and 57 in 2014?Even now at age 64 i have to endure the burning effects of those beams like stinging pain in eyes, blocking of my forehead as well as burning in chest, aches in my knees on and off.

Am i being churlish and vengeful?Maybe some of them are working for the country.Maybe they are blocking me off  from foreign spies.Of the two whom should i choose?Definetly my countries .

If only their methods had been gentle I would have gladly obliged.without having that sick ,debasing  and festering feeling of being treated like an animal that needed to be controlled.

I am not in any one's payroll so i feel that i have the right as a citizen not to be treated in such a brutish manner for what ever reasons.

Corona Asura.

When i first ventured out to the main road during the nationwide lock down  to buy vegetables and provisions  for the week it twisted my heart to see the  main road which was always highly congested with vehicles without a single one on it.It was bare like a desert!It made me feel very lonely and this unnatural sight raised my anger at China.I would abuse that country  thoroughly  at the way they have brought our country to a stand still.On top of that they attacked and killed our soldiers at our border right in the midst of the Corona scare they have unleashed on us.

Freaks .They seem to specialise in putting up a great show of friendship towards us and then stab us viz our PM's on their backs by lulling them  into complacency or are when they are  at their lowest ebb.First they did it to Nehru  and now to Modi.

    WION  tv  would show pictures of how China was back to normal with their people visiting the Great wall of China whilst we, not 1 million or 2 but 1 .3 billion and were wary and  fearful and leading a abnormal life  locked into our houses because of them. .This would infuriate me further and I was 100 % sure that the Chinese have created this monster Bio Weapon and have leashed it on the world and us.I am also sure that they have antidote  since their casuality numbers is very very less when compared to us , the U.S , Brazil and several their countries .Just a few hundreds? In the origin of the country which is more populous than ours ! Really some thing is fishy.

When i walked towards the shop wearing double mask I made from my sari ,[Those days there was scarcity of masks, till Corona set in only surgeons wore them] which I hated to wear but wore it .What amazed and thrilled me was was that all plants and trees looked in pink of health.Full of lush green leaves and  aromatic flowers .So they were not affected .It was only us.

Outside the shop  rows upon rows of motor bikes would be parked with young men in Dunzo T shirts milling around talking merrily, sipping tea whilst waiting for their  turn .Inside the shop it was like a kitchen of a marriage hall.Sales boys would unload vegetables and sales girls would be busy filling baskets with on line orders.They would jostle , even me  in their hurry and would chat and gossip happily like as if the terrorist Corona was nowhere around!

I wondered at their lack of fear .Then it struck me , Oh Yes this Corona Asura was attacking only those above 60 and not youngsters.So they were as normal as ever .I liked being  amongst them , though the fear  was always lurking that any one of them could have asymptomatic Corona and pass it on to me.I had no other go , i had to visit the shop for weekly veggies as i am not savy about apps etc etc .I also had  to take a little  risk  to  so as to uplift my dampened spirits .

Seeing their youthful zest and lack of fear made me wonder ,Were the youngsters of India chaffing at being locked up at home in order to save 60 + people ?Were they angry at us , who already have one leg in the grave , .for shackling their youthful energy and enjoyment of life?

It is  a cycle .In the second wave it was the youth who were scared and many of us  viz oldies like me had been vaccinated and were raring to go out but had to be locked up in the house for their sake.

.Back to lock down days.

In our flat all those above 60 had gone into a long hibernation.They never came out for months ,till lockdown was lifted.Wise but boring.

On and off I used to go to my terrace for excecuting the doctor mandated walks.I never used the lift fearing contamination.I would take apiece of paper and touch the hand rails of the staircase , with it and throw it and then use another piece of paper whilst coming down.

TV and U tube were full of videos showing how one should use a lift.Take a pen and press the button with it etc.It is funny now but at that time i was guzzling it.Those days were fear filled .Every one was a untouchable.Whole India became fetishly clean and hygenic , in short' Madi '[excessively clean]The 'Madi 'that Brahmins are accused of practising had gripped the entire nation .Karma!

There were funny videos about working family men spending their time indoors. One counted the bars and railings constantly with uttermost seriousness whilst another would play with his children's toys along with them There was also a video of a man  walking cautiously on the road, with  a white paper stuck on his back that read." I am going to ration shop .Please don't beat me.[to the police]."

There  was  also a Tamil Rap song  .The singer [ I think from slum tenements] would sing mournfully as to how the cunning China karan [man from China]   was attacking him and us from every street , gully and nook and corner without giving anyone any chance of escape.

It was funny .It also made me realise that my ire was shared by all.

Up in the terrace i used to see other women flat mates.They were not fettish like me.They sat on steps and on the floor close to each other and chatted.I wondered at their fearlessness. Then it struck me .One was below 60 and the other above 80.The former had no fear then and the latter had seen it all.

One day whilst watching the sky turning red with the rays of setting sun i started thinking about this microbe Corona.Watching the reddened sky it struck me that this creepy repulsive round creature that was constantly shown on TV news making me want to switch to  channels that didn't, had a Atma.

It is a living thing so it has a soul or atma  which is shrouded with tons of Karma .It will also get Moksham one day  that is eons and eons from now.

In those lonely fearful days of interment the call by our PM to show torch light in the evening to encourage health workers  was a great diversion and a highly social bonding act.

It was at that night that i saw most of my neighbours  on their balconies .We waved and smiled at each other .It made me feel that I wasnt alone .There are millions of us in similar situation and we have this chance to socialise.No need to talk .Just seeing plenty of people around is suffice to lift one's spirits.No wonder that we are called social animals.

Several people from opposite tenements also took part enthusiastically in this .

The next social bonding was the tinkling of bells and banging on plates etc.We all heeded to PM's call once  and did it enthusiastically.I enjoyed those few minutes of social bonding even national bonding, the show of strength,unity,and spirit against this unknown alien terror stalking our lives.

Saw migrants walking to their villages on tv.Majority of them were strapping young lads , neatly attired and had suitcases on wheels.They didnot look like the workers of the past who would all be thin ,and dirtily clad.India has come a long way.

It may sound callous  but whilst many were pitying them [on tv , politicians etc]for walking, i didnt' .They seemed be very fit to undertake it.

In comparison to the laxity at start  and middle of the deadlier second wave  shown by all of us was the Govt a bit too strict to go for complete lockdown when there was only 500 cases.

We are  all wiser after the event.That time it seemed to be the correct thing to do and we all  obeyed terrorised by this new  unseen ,unfathomable enemy  right in our midst..