It is not that i have not been subject to any no touch torture since the change in govt in here at TN. I have been on and off but refrained from even writing it down in my diary due to following reasons-
1.I thought that if i didnt write or blog i wouldnt be harrassed that is be free of the evidence less torture i have been suffering in my own house since 2012.No that is not the case .I am still in the receiving end of physical torture by faceless persons.
2.I came to the conclusion that no one would believe me as in normal course of life such tortures are unheard of and i have been fixed as a person prone to delusions etc , very cleverly since 2012 onwards.
3.That my diary was no longer private was known to me since 2012 hence i was inhibited in writing down my actual emotions centring around my family and to record the events ocurring in my family life .I was scared and am still scared to write about my family life occasions ,auspicious and inauspicious lest some harm befall them .Ofcourse i learnt by exercising strict control over my self that is by not writing at all, it makes not much difference since instead of reading they are reacting adversely by hearing me speak,and more importantly by reading my thoughts.This reading of thoughts and suggestion giving has increased in a tremendous speed after the new govt took over in here .It is ten fold the previous one's
4.i was fatigued .I have been blogging for 15 years and i also learnt that is of no use to relate my tortures since no one believes it nor is it remedied.It continues .Now a days it is the attention span of viewers is very less and no one will have patience to read my long blogs .
5.I got tired of being labelled a nut so why should i feed this misconception .The impetus to blog came when i casually went through my stats and was amazed to find that there are takers for what i have been blogging for years about the suggestions i receive flitting across my forehead when i bathe or eat or meditate and interruptions to my puja since 2014.
My blog" Methods has intensified and topics have changed "-blogged on August 6 ,2021 has more than 1000 views!Which means that at least 1000 people believe what i have been shouting from roof top all these years and was falling on deaf ears and garnering scarcely 10 to 20 eyeballs.
Maybe mentioning the truth that our PM Modi is ridiculed in a subtle manner is the topic since change in govt has made people believe what i have been saying all these years.Either it is his fans or enemies. I have no idea . But there are takers for forehead messaging and insidious suggestions , either ear to ear or mind to mind converastions and insormountable urges to write and blog.They ,1000 and more viewers believe that such messaging is possible ,
It is a boost .It also potrays my insignificance since these viewers people are bothered only if it concerns Modi and could give a damn to me and no touch tortures i am made to suffer on and off and attempts to change my religion forcibly by deploying such sly techniques on me...
Would even one come forward and tell me Yes this is possible and this is how it is done and convince a judge?Doubt it .
I observed that Smart phone is used in this messaging and even causing physical discomfort and pain.Some special app or frequency.No idea .But there are takers for my no touch tortures and whether they are friendly disposed to me or not is irrelevant .I have established that i am not hallucinating and that i was thus fixed as such since 1 k people and more are lapping that blog .It also proves that in the past [2014]several attempts were made to convert me forcibily to other religions andHindu sects and that those people are still throwing hurdles while i recite slokas and pasurums ,and whilst doing japa and also when i learn them.
I wrote and am blogging after along time becuase of the magnitude of the no touch torture i suffered in past two weeks which equals the two viz micro audio torture i 2012 and squeezing and jamming of my head in 2014 i was put through , each lasting 3 weeks.
If i mention all tortures it would be as long as Hanuman's tail so i will write 2 of them .These torture s in different flavours , provacations occur regularily before and during a Hindu festivasl celeberated at home, Ammavasi, Davasam , full moon day .The provocateurs are obss essed with Amavasai They become furious at the Tarpanam being done in the house to propitiate pitrus and needle me to anger to make me rant against the cowards encroaching my house and space and my rights
1.I scarcely watch TV news thses days i just flip through the headlines once a day .News revolves around the voting class the poorer section which is far removed from my life and has nothing about issues concerning the middle class .The fire tv is providing good entertainment .i am able to see films which i had missed in my youth .It also has several documentries that interest me .
So one day i finished seeing a film on chernobyl nuclear melt down and then i was watching a documentry on the 3 mile island nuclear meltdown in US.on Netflix It was around 10 pm when all of a sudden a lot of mosquitos swarmed in and bit me .i tried to swat them and at same time was watching the docu in which a middle aged American woman was relating her woes when i found myself turning to an angle in the chair with my right side of face towards the window and felt my hand move on its accord to swat a mosquito but instead hurt my eyes with my gold Srinivasar ring.I knew it was done deliberately , as one's finger does not poke one's own eyes .
I rushed to douse my eyes with cold water.Next day i found that eye had turned red .I didn' t hurt much but looked terrible .Who ever did it lurking in the shadows , a coward , was no novice . in this torture.Surely i have succumbed to stockholm syndrome for I am recommending this sadist for a medal or a promotion by commenting on that person's expertise ! Really his fit place is in league of cowards and sadists..That person gave me a bloodied eye that stayed on for 10 days .Doc said that it wasn't serious and that it would disappear.And it did.
Reason can only guess ,maybe my watching that docu was not liked .or my indifference to Amavasai in whose performance i scarcely have a role .They are furious at performance of Amavasai and also gets furious for my non involvment ..People without ethics and morals and humanity are setting standards for me!One one hand performance of davasam is nastied and on other the moral brigade is out castigating me.It is just a stick an excuse to beat me .
In Sanatana Dharma oops i just mentioned a banned and bad word in here oops Sorry! sorry! Amavasai which involves propitiating dead anscestors is performed only by men[caste no bar] to avert bad karmas.It doesn't confer good karmas.There is no compulsion to do this , viz If you propitiate the departed anscestors by very simple acts you will escape sins and if you lack the faith be ready to face the consequences by not performing,if not in this birth then in succeeding births.It is upto you. Every hindu will wiilly nilly propitiate his ancestors at least once in his life time when he is called to do the final rites of his parents or wife or siblings or relatives So such acts are not limited only to monthly or yearly Amavasai. tarpanum.Those who have time and faith do it regularily .That is all.
In Sanatana Dharma -oh there i go again mentioning that despicable term [habits do die hard] ,a wife gets half the merits accrued by her husband by performing good karmas like puja ,rituals etc .it is not vice versa .The husband gains nothing from his wife's good karmas .These half baked wooden heads are not getting it .In SanatanaDharma the much maligned phrase in here, every ritual performed or puja done or prayers offered or dipping in sacred rivers and sea are all individual specific.The fruits of such acts goes to the doer and not to the entire community .There is no such concept as group pratanai .or group prayers for the sake of some one else .
Now a days viz after change in govt Vadagalai Iyengar priests are deployed to nasty me when i visit temples.unlike the previous govt which didnot interfere or nasty me when i stood in the sanctum .They did it only outside with people without any specific caste identity .The new found hostility of the temple priests towards me is making my temple visits very unpleasant and fearsome.In this dispensation Vadagalai iyengars -total strangers-contrived hostility to me is also smeared on me where ever i go like to jewellers, concerts etc.
2. The main torture that compelled me to write ,was not in the least to seek concessions or beg for mercy .They are inhuman fellows with scant regard for gender and age who will keep up the torture till whatever goal they are seeking .It is elders abuse .They also find parrelels elsewhere to which i am in no way connected to justify thier provocations and sadism.What i am doing is a let off, excreting all the crap that was stuffed into me
I get fed up with this .Any one can walk in to my house and seek my opinion or ask me to write for them .Isn't this a democracy? Then why all this hush hush and cloak and dagger?It is like as if a game is being played a deadly one centring around me to prove that democracy is a sham in India.This game is going on for a decade!Isn't there any one to haul them up?
Ok back to my torture .Few days before Karthigai I started to feel a sharp pain drilling into my mid head .This happens even now when i sit to pray and at certain spots in the house which has virtually become a torture chamber .There is no place in it where i can sit peacefully.This street itself is a torture street .If i am suffering fatigue or severe cold at home , once i leave this perimeter on foot i suddenly become ok . The micro waves grab me in thier vice like grip when i re enter the entrance and my fever etc comes back. I have lived all over India as well in other places in Tamil nadu but i have never suffered like this anywhere .Physical and mental torture.for 10 long years!
The sharp drilling pain increased ten times more on karthigai making it very unpleasant and painful to celeberate a festival which is one of the few festivals i really like to celeberate.The sharp shooting pain i felt under tubelights and at certain spots was now accompanied by pain in lower head .I knew it was delibertaely given and in normal times i would quickly escape the spot , A trick i had learnt to save myself from such tortures .But the festival kept me occupied and i had a lot of work to do and just could not spare the time to take off from the work of making sweets and arranging wick diya s and koothuvilakkus.So i just ignored it like i am doing now. and paid the price.
On 9 th night when i went to bed no sooner did my head touch my pillow that it started to spin like crazy .Was i having a stroke .No my limbs were ok .It scared me like hell.It felt terrible .Every thing in the room was rotating like the Sudarshana chakra ., the slokas i had spent 10 days memorising by writing it down .I lay rigid and straight as any movment to left or right would make my head spin. After an hour I said to myself I must get up and test whether i can withstand this .Slowly i got out of the bed with head spinning ,But once i stood up it eased a bit .Was i being punished for learning sanskrit slokas?If it is to do with conversion why can't these people come to my house in thier white gown or white cap or red tilak or vibuthee and try to do it in a straight forward manner ?Why this shadow boxing?Are all these people really thirsting to convert me or is it just a set up just to provoke me ?If it is conversion i alreday made it clear in 2014.I said No i will not convert even under threat of death,Have they forgotten it ? Can't they take no for an answer and leave me alone?if it is a set up am i expected to keep on playing the victim card ?It is a waste of energy and time because i can never prove the conversion attempts done on me via some special frequency enabling the person to speak right into me from a untouchable distance.Ofcourse 1000 viewers believe it possib;le but they have'nt come forward to explain how it is done nor have they left even a comment on that blog-"Methods have intensified and topics have changed " blogged in August 2021..
Next day a Saturday viz 10th December 2022was terrible .There were hundreds of flights flying overhead ,that is every few minutes i would hear a plane overhead .Come to think of it this frequency is unusual.A pain would start at back of my head just before a flight and then my head would start spinning like a top whether i stood or sat or lay down .My head would crowd and when i heard the plane it will start spinning.I had no time to think absolutely and i made the connection to plane overhead and pain in the back of my head just before its arrival, but did so only after two days.
Then on Sunday i decided to go out when there was a slight let up .I knew it was deliberate and determined to prove it to myself .I got out of the street on foot and shopped vegetables .a km away.Nothing ,I felt a sharp stinging pain in my scalp near a garbage bin. No spinning .But the moment i entered the street the spinning started .I clutched the iron bar of hand cart and soon i saw a plane overhead .when it left spinning also left.I was not having a fit but with my previous experience of knee torture done in 2011 i had learnt to grip iron to ease the pain.This was similar to that .
Now more alert i started avoiding spots in my house where i felt sharp shooting pains on top of my head and under it I pushed away the leisure to examine the cause since i was busy taking care to avoid the pain and was paying heed to warning signals like a ambulance's wail in a distance , sudden commotion .,scooters and enfields sound , since all this preceded a plane arrival and also set off throbbing pain in my head.If i faced a certain direction the plane sound actually eased my pain
On googlingthe net i found that my symptoms are that of a vertigo .Absolutely on the spot .only that i didnt believe that i am actually sufferring from a real vertigo.The symptoms were mimicking a vertigo and having been bitten once i am twice shy .Back in 2011 one night i woke up with a sharp stinging pain in my left knee cap.[these sadists are overtly fond of the left side of my body].The doc said that i had no arthiritis and i wasn't all that old [55\]to get it .
This pain perissisted for a year .I would very often wake up at 2 am due to excruiting pain in my knees and would see a plane take a u turn .After year of pain that didnot ease with costly physio therapy, it one day suddenly vanished .It left as quickly as it came!In that year i often observed that my knee would throb when ever i saw a plane in landing mode. this would happen at home and also when i was in a moving car, even in neighbouring state!
My pain that immobolised me and put an end to my temple trips was connected to planes movments.I felt the same thing happen here now and for past two weeks .The brutes ,sadists deploying third degree methods on a elderly person like me would give me pain in the back of my head few minutes before a plane sound is heard overhead and then my head would start spinning like a top .This was done every few minutes on 10 th when i heard the sound of plane every few minutes .It made me go haywire .That was a horrible day when the sadists and brutes, who are going to be decorated for this cowardly act due to my testimony, had a field day.
I took over the counter pills.Spinning at day time eased a bit .I went to a dance concert determined to show my tortures that for what ever purpose they were trying to immomobilise me i am not going to be cowed down.I knew that they could stop all this in a second and also could increase it .I have had enough of their blackmail since 2011.
At the auditorium after a hour or so all of a sudden i felt the soreness in the back of my head .I turned and saw a man sitting right behind me, gazing at his smart phone .Alarm bells jangled and i moved few seats away .Immediately the discomfort and pain ceased .It was then that i realised that even smart phones can be used to cause pain .Maybe it was a special one or it could be bridge for some other phone or gadjet .It also made me think was i deliberately made to move away from that place [they know i would move] to avoid suggestions or messages from the sadists rivals?Enjoyed the dance and music .Truly world class.The troupes are living up to the tag of unesco heritage conferred on the performers at the annual music festival.
A day or two before i read a sticker in news that there were clashes at Tawang and Indians chased away the Chinese .This skirmish is said to have happened on 9 th morning.My spinning started that night making me lie rigidly straight.The spinning reached its pinnacle on 10 th.was there a connection?Every one including journos and politicians all over India got to know only after 3 days.Was i being bashed and spun so that i wouldn't receive any suggestions or messages/.On 9 th only Indian army and govt and Chinese army and govt and some super powers would have known was any of them involved in this top spinning .Was i being spun around to divert me from messages?When i made this connect i yelled saying these sadists do not have the skill and gumption to stop such messages instead they are battering the victim.Was all this planned a week before by giving it a religious coloring ? Is it to do with parliament in session .I thought that i was no longer a threat having stopped writing .That is i wouldn't be giving any ideas to opposition.Then i calmed down and thought what is so special about me? I hope that i am only deluding myself .I hope that the connect i made with the clash was just a delusion and the clash was a co incidence.I hope it is.
When i saw the video of the Twang clash [which ndtv insisted slyiliy was of 2021 neverthless] it was like watching our celluloid heros and villians fight in movies with hands .Only this was for real.I felt thrilled when i saw the happy and victorious faces of our young soldiers .It was like watching the merriment of our cricket team when they win or a world cup or our sportsmen winning a gold in olympics,the difference is that these joyous brave men [unlike the cowards who hide and torture me] werenot playing for a cup or cash but to secure our land from invaders putting their life at stake.
The arrangement between India and China not to use fire arms is quite unique and praise worthy.
When i think back at the other two no touch tortures which involved my forhead was it done to stop suggestions and messages emanating from outside forces or rival when our pm's were on a UN visit and when parliament was in session?Or was it to demoralise and cow me down me, owing to local and national politics and to stop me from blogging ?
The methods employed is clearly 3 rd degree and the target since 2012 is my head .
Confirmed.
The pain in the back of my head that is ,at its base and the terrifying spinning of my head stopped all of a sudden yesterday viz 23 .12 .22.in the manner in which it started suddenly on night of 9 th confirming that it was given deliberately.
As usual the relief was so tremendous that i forgot that my head spun and spun from 9 th till yesterday.Even that scary Saturday viz 10 th Dec when when my head spun in tune with the very narrow gap between flights on that day, is already a distant past! Magic! These targeted rays are like that .When given it is very painful and immobolising but once removed it is forgotten.Unlike normal pains it doesnot go gradually but goes off instantly
why was it withdrawn --can only guess -
The reason for keeping my head spinning no longer existed.That the suggestions stopped .The parliament session was over.
If it is religious then performance of Amavasai which is like a memoriol to the one's parents [ the man's],the allergen to many in here around me ,came and went yesterday without much ado
i also edited my blog that suggestions ,or even these sly conversations were in nature of ridiculing modi , his utterances and policies .which is how it is.
Could be any reason.
Chinese everywhere . 12.8.23
I am feeling light and clear , My head was jammed for the past few weeks and it was removed today making me feel light and honky dory and the return of my confidence .The parliament monsoon session got over yesterday and i feel as free as a jail bird released from prison .
I was having this constant urge since parliament started to publish this blog which i had put in draft .I was suspicious of this constant nagging urge .why did it come all of a sudden?why didn't it come before when all these months i had put this blog on draft.?So i stalled and stalled as i had decided earlier to re publish this blog only in September when G20 got over So as not embarrass any one.in our country when foreign delegates come visiting .
But the relief i am experiencing now which is because jamming of my head has been removed is not only making me free carefree, clear and sober unlike when it was done when i was only intent on cursing those who were torturing me thus and my mind full of confusion .
I realise now it is not my writing my diary or blogging that is censored ,it is my thoughts!May be my analysis of tv or newspaper news which i am made to go through in my mind which the perverts are fond of intiating when i am in the rest room or bathing or whilst eating my dinner, is being jammed .There is a tight clampening in my head and forehead during important parliament sessions and on a important foreign visit s by our top most leader.
This makes me wonder am i such a genius that thoughts that is on public affairs viz tv news [usless for me but valuable for vote catchers]have to be constantly provoked by two types 1.Who keep on prodding me to anger on political issues coloured with religion blowing my emotions to out of proportions 2.the second type are the ambulance chasers.who want me to pity every farmer, raped women, accidents victims etc etc shown on tv .i have learnt to cool myself and not to pity every victim paraded on tv.3.if there is no drilling into my scalp when i am resting or reciting slokas .This drilling is done under tubelight in dining room or in hall whilst doing puja or under kitchen tube light or in children's bedroom , provokes me to anger Can't i rest in my own house ? who are these people who think they are above law ? Do they not come under Indian law ?How can such intrusion into my house , life and head be allowed on and on ? From where does such sense of entitlement to my house , life and privacy of thoughts arise?It is going on since 2012.
These fools are thinking that i know about intelligence .I donot .i am only writing what i have experienced and from what i have read in internet .I am still unable to figure out how a mobile and electricity is used to provoke my thoughts and anger. I am zero i this field These ambulance chasers think i have done Phd in sociology! Fools ! I have studied Law and History and not sociology.I am not a expert in society etc .what i write on it after being egged to so ,is from my urbanised point of view ,viz personal experience and by reading news papers.I am not a Hindu activist .So the Hindu's or anti sanatana dharmaist's views ,is not my pet project .Sometimes something provokes me [maybe suggestions from invisible cowards ] and i write stuffs which i normally wouldn't'.The audio blasting of my head in 2012 and follow up action of in 2014 of stinging iron like grip on my head and conversion attempts and recently making my head spin like a top has made me lose control of myself and i write unwanted stuffs in length.A perusal of my blogs before 2012 will show how short, crisp , witty they were.
Before 2012 happened which was done either to portray me as a nut or to read thoughts instantly as they arise was worse than my grief .I had learnt to tackle my grief by constantly reading gita, pasurams , epics and a lot of ancient hindu words of wisdom found in innumerable works.My mind had became sedate .as i had the conquered the need to even talk .I read a lot instead of ruminating over my past life .I literrally had no thoughts .I guess that would mean no jaw movments hence it wold not have been easy to read my mind. When i needed company i would visit parks and watch house wifes walkers of my circle but total strangers around me , talking etc and feel fine.Thier normalcy was a balmn Similarily i would visit temples where there are people around , total strangers busy in thier own lives and wouldn't revive my pain unlike those whom i know .I also used to travel by crowded bus to beach or other places though i could afford an auto , becuase i wanted the assurance of flesh and blood in a life that went scary suddenly with the brush with death.But that audio blasting un did this.This disrupted my control over my thoughts and emotions and substituted a unnatural mental invisible companionship.with actual physical contacts .This constant mental engagement removed all the normalcy i had regained .It has made my life extremely miserable and painful.I could bear the pain of death of a near one and even overcome it after few years but an unable to overcome this unnatural constant intrusion into my thoughts .These people must be harbouring deep hatred and vengence towards me.to make my each day since 2012 to be without any normalcy,peace.and solitude. This became worse after 2014 ,I wasn't even allowed to get close to my family .
This drilling and squeezing of the back of my head [left side\] coupled with tightening of my forhead makes me a zombie.A robot-a puppet on string.This happens on ceratin important occasions -like recent no confidence vote and it dawns in me only when i am released from the grip/And when i am released from it vice like grip i feel so free that it smashes all my determination not to blog and waste my time .
My writing or blogging is not important it is my thinking! I can never escape such provocations and grips as being a human being i have to think , it is natural .
But the suggestions and urges are definetly unnatural which is due to external forces which is beyond my control .The tight masking of my thoughts follows the former which is also beyond my control , is done either as a precaution[ over cautious] or in real fear that i may throw a spanner .
Men may come and men may go but i will not be allowed to go.
i often wonder just how long will my brain tolerate my using my will to overcome the suggestions and urge to spill it and the counter reaction viz squeezing it to shut out my thoughts.Memory wipe out is also being done. wouldn't my capillaries in my brain not break one day or the other leading to hamoraugge?IT feels like as if my head is bored into by iron throngs of a crane and is lifted and shaken by it.s iron grip.Has the torturer ever experienced what i am being put through on and of?Will he have the guts to turn it on himself or the heart to use it on his aged mother and see if he or his mother can can weather even a quarter of the pain i am subject to every now and then for past 11 years?Does anyone care?
At times i get so frustrated at this cat and mouse game that is -'no touch torture' i castigate my hidden tortures thoroughly of cowardice and half heartedness .They should eliminate me.Then all problems solved.This country will be saved this state will be saved the politicians and all the people will be saved from the devastating effects of my thoughts . .And i too will become free.I will then discard this old diseased body and get a fresh new one.
That is these people viz torturers should have the will and skill to stop the suggestion givers ,if not then they should have the guts to finish me off once and for all.
I keep thinking about G20 meet in September when all world leaders descend here.with apprehension --the chingchongs would be burning with jealousy and would have several tricks and the response here would be harsher .I am may land up in a icu.IF i go "Govinda ' then fine but what if i don't?Then most of my money would be gone towards hospital charges which now a days it runs to lakhs.and will the invisible provokers, ambulance chasers and head bashers pay the bill? i may have to stand in queues in ration shops in my old age to fill my stomach.
I have mentioned the Chinese because it is often showed that is my attention has been deliberately drawn towards north east people who like Chinese .Before that is two years back my attention was drawn only towards white caps, burkhas and black cloured people[sc's] and to mosques and churches.
Since after corona restrictoins were lifted [after galwan clashes] my attention is constantly drawn towards N.E.people .At first i thought that the new govt in here at TN being over secular were trying to divert me from thier vote banks.and that is why muslims and sc'swere not seen pursuing me and christians were not trying to convert me during my puja.
With lesser visibility of the minorities and obvious visibility of NE where ever i went , train ,[during my recent visit to Bangalore the Vande bharat i was travelling in gave a sudden jerk , it is a train which never jerks but it did which made me look up and saw a chinese looking fellow on the platform of a station enroute,was the jerk for me? to see that chap? it is too much !]and in neighbouring states.The deftness at which trafiic is managed when i travel on road, i think to block suggestions or to make me look at chinese look alikes make me think that such skills or not of ordinary security people viz police etc.This timing , speed of managing traffic with hair breadth space like as if it is a video game coupled with me seeing chingchongs everywhere i think maybe it is the Chinese who are the main urge givers now .[with fall of pak may be they-muslims are out of picture .with bahi bhai with US ,even the whites and sc's have disappeared].Of course cannot discount local provocateurs and ambulance chasers.They are very much alive and kicking.
Of late I have become so allergic to Chinese look alikes that any short person with a round head i come across even if it is a woman even if they have a bindi and wear a sari and are not of NE origin, i take them to be Chinese.
When i go for walks i use to see a sour a short dour watchman holding two dogs ,one European hound and friendly and another a brown mongrel .I have been seeing this man for more than 5 years , but never made any connection .only now with NE's everywhere i realised that that person looks like a Chinese man .He is in next street .That is a basset hound that has good smelling sense ,is friendly to all and cannot be trained .Is that hound supposed represent me ?
The other day when news came that defence are changing thier computer etc owing to Chinese intrusion , the server in the vegetable shop went down just when i took out my card to pay and i found a young NE' youth standing right behind me laughing into his mobile.Is it supposed to mean that the Chinese who were at a distance from me that is standing at the entrance of the houses or on roads have come very close to me?This was during recent parliament session .But they all disappeared when the debates started. That was when my head started to spin again .It was there for 3 days and now it is gone.Not fully .It come and goes. I discovered that plastic viz specs boxes and ,remote when rubbed over the point of my skull where the sharp pain is given then a yawn come s and pain lessens .viz the microwave comes out through the mouth.The much maligned humble plastic does the trick!To do so i should be always alert.How is it possible at my age and with so many household duties to be done?
If all this torture viz jamming my head is done because of Chinese , why are the Chinese interested in me?My guess is that they do believe that the no touch tortures i was subject to in my house in 2012,2014 about which i wrote and blogged, is true.They like any enemy worth his salt is using my grievance , my disbelief and shock at the torture i was subjected to and am still being subjected to in most brutal way to suppress my thoughts by our own people, to mock the govt at its boasting about democracy , rights , freedom ,patriotism,etc.
Caught between the devil and deep sea.
15.8.23.
My head has started to spin like a top.As like before this torture started with sharp pain in scalp in preceding days and slight spinning .Hoping that it could be vertigo took medicine for it today and instantly spinning started instead of diminishing .So this is i am getting the micro wave torture .I did expect it to take place within a day or two since this no touch torture is for full 3 weeks before any important happening .Thatha stu just as i had thought and anticipated it has happened .!
From past experience i have little hope that my writing or blogging about this mad careering of my forehead probably to block suggestions , messages that would make me write or blog ridiculing or advising those people and institutions in news .would stop just because i am blogging about it despite my head spinning like a top
This is going to stop my daily walks to reduce my sugar , stop my shopping for vegetables and provisions and my appointments with doctor.unless i summon the will power to say 'go to hell' , i will dailly cross the perimetre and be free when i am out of it.all the while walking and weaving crazily clutching at iron posts handcarts ,till i reach the safety of the busy main road .
The fact is that all these no touch tortures i have been made to suffer has weakened me terribly and with with age factor the vigour and will i had 10 years back is not there.where as my adversaries are all youngsters., definetly much,much younger than me and are , also hard hearted , and cruel and attack me in guerrila manner .that is hide and attack., They have the absolute freedom to do this and have no fear of legal consequences.They hide and attack and leave no evidence .They are totally assured that they will never be put in jail or face a trial for causing such greivious injuries .
Today morning i attended the flag hoisting ceremony in our premises celeberating our freedom on our Independance day .Nothing happened then But within an hour back at home my freedom went for a toss.The forehead torturers are back in full swing.
I wondered earlier ,whether i would be subject to some new form of torture .No they seem to have run out of imagination or have exhausted all the tortures in their kitty . .It is like the previous one , that of whirling the insides of my forehead that is making me wobble around and preventing me from bending down.as i will fall down .I guess that suggestions and provocations have started flying around thick and fast from all directions and jaw readers are numerous ,hence this mega clampdown on my head.
The provokers and suggestion givers are equally cruel . inhuman and vengeful .They know very well that their illicit greed will cause me bodily harm yet they persist in their extraction. ideas ,views and analysis .Their reasoning would be 'only 3 or 4 weeks till the events G20 etc comes to an end , after that the blockade of her forehead will taken off then we can start extracting and gain it by reading her jaw movements so what if this old hag suffers mean while, let her
Yudhishtra once observed to a yaksha that the most amazing thing in this world is that even when one sees death around a person thinks it will never touch them and they will live on and on .
Similarily when every thing as going right for me i thought it would continue on and on but was suddenly and rudely given a terrific shock .A son in whom i took great pride in died in a horrific manner when what ever he and we aspired for was within his hands .It numbed me and all the thrill this world offers was erased .No one could console me except the works of my long dead acharyas azhwars and Gita and by visiting temples. and found a meaning in a suddenly empty life by blogging on the blog made by him for me .Blogged one liners on public life matters making news a little about history, and about my temple visits and shared my enjoyment of aazhwars hymns and sanskrit slokas by translating them .and blogging them . Started reading the internet articles and was amused to find a totally different take on politics .Thier vocabulary was good.
This new life i was leading that kept me alive and alert was smashed to pieces in 2012 when my forhead was blasted with high decibel sounds for 3 weeks making me a nervous wreck .This was coupled with my husband's deliberate weakening of his heart and all the comfort i was deriving from temple visits came to an end . I knew i was targeted for my blog articles and wondered why me?I scarcely had 30 to 40 audiences whilst those blogging on temples, right wing views and corruption had lakhs of views and they were not . Coupled with this was the sudden change in my neighbours attitude towards me .Barring a few most of my flat mates became down right rude ,disrespectful and socially ostracised me. The audio blasts whose intention was to show that i had gone batty worked . It worked in internet , neighbours and family, as not one came forward to support me in my time of pain .horror and disbilief.that such thing could happen in democracy.I knew it was deliberate but others didn't . .Some ignored me some pitied me for having lost my mind [madness]many avoided me and several were rude
The audio blasting happened when i was planning to visit Ayodhya and naimisaran the remaining last two of 108 divyadesams. trips.After 2012 i couldnt .And with some torture or other every day my temple trips were cut drastically and now i am so fatigued i donot even visit nearby temples .Visiting temples had become a battle of nerves .I was and am discouraged in every manner not to visit temples.Is it to do with covert conversion or is it to deliberately puncture my comfort zone?The constant tortures and discouragements fatigued me so much that i hardly have the urge or strength to visit nearby temples .
Then i started to recaptulate my past temple visits and try to bring to my mind the moorthies i have seen in there during my daily puja .Immediately i started getting pain in my abdomen and it culminated after few months in uncontrollable urge to vomit and a horrible nightmare in which i was threatened not to visulise Srinivasar .The last bit happened n Bangalore. I refused to stop visulaising .I prepared myself to face the worst .i am not going to give up my inalienable rights.under any blackmail.After that my pain stopped .So what if i can't visit a temple ? I can conjure it in my mind.
It puzzles me as to why there is so much eagerness and determination to convert me .to Abrahamic religions mostly Christianity.My translations have but few 1000 views unlike lakhs for several srivaishnavaites translations in the internet.I am not a popular Srivaishnavaite figure like dushyant sridhar or apn swamy or veluukudi or a mahamahopadya in sanskrit or Sri vaishnavism.A vaishnavaite woman follower of vallabha charya has millions of followers for her translations .IT would make sense if such staunch followers of Srivaishnavism and sanatana dharma were converted or ridiculed .It also makes sense if tv personalities, legal luminaries or popular politicans and award winning writers are converted.That makes on impact and as far as i am concerned they lose thier charm .like it did when i learnt that a top lawyer Harish salve who represented the centre several times converted to christianity either to marry a younger white woman or to find solutions to his personal problems .Such a brilliant man .coul'dnt he find solace in our religion viz Hinduism, in its highly comforting philosophies found in Gita , Upanishads and in sanskrit slokas?He has lost his appeal, i guess to all as well as i scarcely see him on tv.Similarily a local politician Vaiko lost his appeal and votes when he chose to convert to christianity And award winning liberal modern woman writer Kamala Das from kerala who had castigated Hindu patriarchy lost her respect specially in my eyes when she converted to Islam and started wearing a burkha!But these fools are running behind me for conversion which will have no impact on any Srivaishnavaite or Hindu.They could give a damn.and it would never make any news .
when there are so many beggars and greedy persons around dearily wanting money and are ready to convert for money why are these crackpots pursuing a decently well off person like me ?I am not grovelling in poverty .
I can understand the fixation of torturers with my forhead .They want to block of suggestions in crucial [according to them ]times .But am unable to understand this constant efforts to convert me and to restrict me from following hindu practises .The priests are made to nasty our shraddha rituals and my mouth is burnt during festivals and each temple visit is turned into a huge obstacle race .it is as exhausting as climbing a mountain.Who are these fools.Are evangelists so foolish as not to discriminate between who wants to convert and who doesnot want to?Am i cash cow for them ?Are The stupid brain less ones looking for easy money from abroad?If so they are cheating their donors .And why all tis hush hush ? Another suspicious factor .If they really intended to do so they should have and would have approached me in my house directly.This hasn't happened .This is also like the video games played when i am out in traffic.timing people of various faith and sects entry and exit from my house and premises to doing my puja or whilst watching svbc 2 temple news or reading mags on srivaishnavism.The timing is also done expertly.so that i would take notice .Ok why/?On one hand religion is being pasted all over my daily life and on the other i am discouraged to visit temple s and follow traditions and celeberate our festivals .This contradiction is bewildering and confusing.Are there two different authorities doing this or is it one authority doing both?To what purpose /Is it to provoke me to anger at other religions.This was done before .Now it is mainly to provoke me against vadagalai brahmin srivaishnavaites[my sect].In both cases i was and am discouraged from visiting temple s and to follow our traditions .That is the common factor.
Then i started to recaptulate my visits the ones we four times undertake a year and try and big
I don't know as to which authority did this to me but concluded that such only in centre would have such latest weapons.So i pinned my hope on change in govt at centre and when it did i received an even more painful torture viz painful drilling of my head for 3 weeks which made my skin of my face tighten and gripped my skull.I still have the scars in z shape dots on the left side of my forehead where that drilling must have been done when i went to bed.But which judge will take this as evidence of torture /?That torture weapon is unique and will never be made public.
The right bloggers had all left .They were no longer such article s and browsing internet became boring and i started seeing them on tv .They were all given some post in goi.
The pain eased as years rolled by but that half dead state remains.
In the early days i would feel terrible sorry for myself .I looked around and saw that the misfortune that visited me has not visited any one i knew in my circle .It took me few more years to console myself that it was all due to the working of karmas and the toxic effect of trigunas on me. As i lived on and on when i see people around me who took part in insulting and isolating me from 2012 onwards suffering some misfortune or the other i am amazed at this another trait of human beings that misfortune occurs only to others and not to us.
A woman who prided on her beauty lost it in a second, ,due to allergy, people who treated their relatives and friends as fiefs owing to their wealth .lost the wealth and became pathetic, living in others shadow ,[all this is nothing to do with politics -all this is my observation of people living around me,] a local dada who kept every one in his grip is now vegetating in his bed,persons who had accumulated respect and regards over the years and have a holier than thou attitude towards others ,lose it in a trice in unnecessary verbal arguments , a woman twirled every relative owing to her husband's unstinted devotion to her lost her arrogance and eminence on her husbands untimely death .she is a non entity now.P arents who expect thier sons to stay near them have been rudely shocked , unnerved and lose confidence when their sons refuse to do so.
The more i live on and on i am seeing that misfortunes also occurs to others in various forms and degrees .to those who very highly confident people,priding on their sanity , looking down on me like as if i am a worm. people who taunted me with great enthusiasm in times of my extreme distress[from 2012 onwards] .No one is invincible.from this slap from destiny.
I donot have to do anything to avenge my humiliation.Time itself is doing it .
21.8.23--
If the middle of my scalp or skull would'nt have been pierced sharply and forhead wouldn't,have been spun in a extreme manner in december 2022 i would have never blogged.and i would'nt have published it now after putting into draft if i wasn't similarily tortured during vote of no confidence .
Over cautiousness on thier part and lack of trust in me may have induced the no touch tortures and it has also induced me to blog about it . It is in the hope that blogging about my recent no touch torturers would put a break on making me suffer physical injuries of extreme nature whenever our parliament is in session or when the head is off on a foreign visit.
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